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Jaded family members


rae12vb
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So I am dealing with TONS of family drama.

Travis and I got engaged in October 2010.  We had origionally planned our wedding for 5/26/12.  My mother suggested we move it to a closer date and get married in the fall.  We then set a date for 9/10/11.  We were very excited and began to plan, it was 11 month away!

6 Months before, my father, who said he was paying for everything, ripped the carpet out from underneath us and told us he just didn't have the money and couldn't afford the wedding.  He was also furious that my mother (my parents went through a brutal divorce ( wasn't paying for anything.) This made him change his mind and suddenly, there were no wedding plans. 

 

I was extremely upset.  I, of course, went to my mother for guidance.  She suggested we do the destination wedding.  She suggested that we rented a Villa in the caribbean and get married in a chapel.

 

More and more weeks were passing and I still had not made a decision.  I tried speaking to my mother about what to do.  I told her that I felt like I had no one to help me make decisions and I felt on my own.  Right away she concluded that this was because of money.  She got extremely mad and stopped speaking to me.  This was in March and she has yet to speak to me.

 

In the meantime we had to make some plans.  We decided to go forward to our wedding at the Moon Palace in Cancun Mexico.

We booked the resort and sent out the invites.

Because of the short planning, basically no one is coming.  It's very upsetting to know that even with getting an invite my mother can't get over her own pride to congratulate her daughter.

 

I also go a nasty e-mail from my sister, who was married at 16 and divorced by 25. 

She thinks we're making a mistake.  Although we're a great couple she thinks that we are just going to get divorced. And that we are "rushing" into a marriage.

 

I am not sure where this is coming from other than the fact that my mother must me talking behind my back.

 

Travis and I have been friends for 10 years, we have dated for 4, we own a house together and we've been engaged for just about 9 months right now.  How can your own family members be so jaded at such an important time in someone's life.

 

It's all very hurtful....how are any of your handling family wedding drama?

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Somehow weddings seem to bring out the worst in families.  I'm having similiar bad experiences.  Is it too late to postpone the wedding a bit and give people time to save up money and get adjusted to the idea a little more?  That's what we did and it helped for the most part.  Go to Moon Palace as just a fun getaway.  I'm sure you could use some relaxation. 

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I just finished writing another bride about family drama.. !

 

My fiance and I have been together for six years.. I am the first person to get married in my entire extended family.. I guess everyone was looking forward to the big traditional wedding but my fiance and I never wanted that.. We love to travel.. We love the beach.. And we wanted to get married with only our closest friends and family..

 

Lets just say that the only person supporting us was my sister.. My family is very traditional and think its a sin that we are not getting married in a Greek church.. From day one, I have had to hear that I'm being stupid and selfish expecting people to spend thousands to come and watch me get married in a foreign country..

 

I could deal with that.. What I couldn't deal with is my cousins who cursed me out and basically wished the worst to happen for my marriage.. We stopped talking.. But I did make an effort to reach out one last time-- as upset and pissed off as I was.. It's just the kind of person I am.. I hate conflict.. And I feel like a wedding is something to bring families closer together and not break them up... But boy was I wrong!

 

So, really the past few months I have been planning the wedding alone with my fiance.. My parents still weren't thrilled but when I went shopping and they saw me in my wedding dress for the first time they told me that they just wanted me to be happy with whatever we decided..

 

I think families get so wrapped up in their own expectations for their kids that they forget the beautiful thing that a marriage symbolizes.. Why can't families be supportive.. Whether we decide to elope in Vegas or just go to City Hall?

 

In the end, I learned that the people who truly care about me will be there for me.. And I wouldn't want anyone there who didn't fall into this category..

 

My advice to you is don't listen to anyone.. It sounds like you have a beautiful relationship based on a solid friendship with a deep commitment to one another.. ( I personally think your sis is a little jealous)..

 

Please don't be upset if it does end u being just you and your fiance.. There are many ladies on here who had very special wedding days with just their groom.. I understand that you would want your loved ones there, so I urge you to try and repair the relationships.. I know that you are completely in the right and shouldn't have to make the first step.. But sometimes we just have to be the bigger person..

 

I truly hope it works out for you... Please keep us posted!!

 

 

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  • 3 months later...

I'm in a similar boat but FI and I will be sticking to our guns.  Even if NO ONE shows up, it's happening.  WE'LL be there. WE'LL enjoy the trip. And WE'LL have an amazing time. 

 

Come hell or high water, this wedding is happening.  I don't care if someone dies the day before.  It's happening.

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i cant help i laughed a little when i read this.. i going  thru same kind of drama as you ladies and i just basically the same thing as this to my mother in the phone... GREAT minds think alike ! hope you families all come to terms with the plans of your wedding !!

Originally Posted by mrsbruff2b View Post

I'm in a similar boat but FI and I will be sticking to our guns.  Even if NO ONE shows up, it's happening.  WE'LL be there. WE'LL enjoy the trip. And WE'LL have an amazing time. 

 

Come hell or high water, this wedding is happening.  I don't care if someone dies the day before.  It's happening.



 

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Had to qoute you....that's exactly what are situation is.  We got the negative feedback, we have the people who won't show up because it's too much money, we have the people who say yes and are taking no actual steps to be a part of it.

 

My mother told me do whatever makes you happy, this is your day not their's. You'll spend your entire life attempting to accomodate others and in the end you'll be the one miserable!!! If they can't bite the bullet to put your happiness above their own, then they shouldn't be a part of YOUR happy moment anyways!
 

Originally Posted by mrsbruff2b View Post

I'm in a similar boat but FI and I will be sticking to our guns.  Even if NO ONE shows up, it's happening.  WE'LL be there. WE'LL enjoy the trip. And WE'LL have an amazing time. 

 

Come hell or high water, this wedding is happening.  I don't care if someone dies the day before.  It's happening.



 

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  • 3 weeks later...

I'm in the same boat.  And I couldnt agree more with this post.  Why is it that your family & friends feel like you are just out to inconvenience them for having a DW?  Isnt it supposed to be the Bride & Groom's day!?!?!  Nope, every day my family & friends justify my biggest regret... we should have eloped!

I feel the same pain, except someone in my FI family did pass away suddenly in July... and unfortunately he was one of the few guests booked & paid that were coming.  I went to a funeral of a man I never had the opportunity to meet and cried like a baby.  How is that someone who genuinely wanted to come to my wedding & was looking forward to it, could pass away so suddenly.... unreal.  
 

Dont lose sight of whats important to you... starting a family with the man you're about to marry... and certainly dont lose sight of yourself.... DO care.  You're wedding will happen, people will be hurt, but they'll get over it... you'll be hurt and carrying it around with you forever... its just not worth it.  <---- or at least this is what I try to tell myself!  lol

 

 

Originally Posted by mrsbruff2b View Post

I'm in a similar boat but FI and I will be sticking to our guns.  Even if NO ONE shows up, it's happening.  WE'LL be there. WE'LL enjoy the trip. And WE'LL have an amazing time. 

 

Come hell or high water, this wedding is happening.  I don't care if someone dies the day before.  It's happening.



 

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My mother just annonced to me that she was no longer coming.... almost 2 months away .. first i've heard of any doubt that she was coming.. but indeed she called the travel agency and cancelled. So both my parents aren't coming... and my fiancé ... same thing.. i'm an only child too...stings a lot ... was very excited to have my mother with me.

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Oh my, I am so sorry to hear that.  What's worst about it, is that she went about it in a truly sneaky way (IMO).  I don't understand why people feel that if you don't tell me directly that it won't hurt as much.  

 

I can only imagine your pain.  
 

Originally Posted by MichCraw View Post

My mother just annonced to me that she was no longer coming.... almost 2 months away .. first i've heard of any doubt that she was coming.. but indeed she called the travel agency and cancelled. So both my parents aren't coming... and my fiancé ... same thing.. i'm an only child too...stings a lot ... was very excited to have my mother with me.


 

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