Wedding Party a Disaster!

[subbi]

I am reading this thread and it is what i needed to hear/see at this moment.

Believe it or not my MOH had a bridezilla moment on me last week. I had to pause and ask myself whose wedding it was.

here's the story

From the moment I mentioned i was getting married she took itt upon herself to look for wedding dresses on my behalf. You might say but that nice, and really i thought it was but the thing is we have different stlyes and all the dress she was recommending really reflected her style. ok so i didn't say anything bad just that that wasn't the one.

Then when we mentioned destination wedding, she ran with the idea started negotiating flights with the travel agents on our behalf. I was ok if you wanna do that that really nice of you. Turns out it took a weight from my shoulders and i was happy and I mentioned this to her on numerous occassions. 

Then it came to my wedding colors. I told her i wanted to use Navy and fucshia. Her first response was pick another color because that color won't look good on her because she has dark skin even when on to say when my wedding is over and my pics come back ugly don't say she didn't tell me.  Well I was like that's the color and that's it.

Now at this point I am only having a MOH so I didn't think picking a style was right so I told her the only stipulation on the dress was that it should be navy. 

I thought that was the end of it, almost everyday she will be telling she found nice dresses but in different colors, then it was can I wear black. Of course I said hell no.

A few weeks later she asked me if I was gonna wear a veil, now the one thing i was sure i wasn't gonna wear is a veil so i said not I will be wearing a flower but not sure if I want a pink or white (i am leaning more pink than white and I told her that).

She then tells me decide quickly and her exact words were " tell me soon because i want to wear flowers in my hear and I would much rather wear a pink one". Still I just pretended I didn't hear because as the Bride I thought I had preference in choice.

Now this is when it moment really revealed itself, last week she sents me a pic of a dress she wants to wear to my wedding. a long dress with a small train with a mermaid silhouette made in taffeta. now the length of the dress is not an issue the problem is the train and the fact that my wedding dress I chose is a mermaid style and also why should she want to wear a dress that formal for a destination wedding beach style.

believe everyone I mentioned this story to who knows her seems not surprised by her actions as she loves being the centre of attention. but seen that it is my wedding and she's also my cousin I thought for a moment she will take a back seat.

so I told her after seeing this dress that I don't want her to wear it because of the reasons outlined above, to my surprise she told if she can't wear this dress find myself another MOH and that it seems like I don't appreciate her help and this is all about me. News flash isn't it my wedding?

This moment completely turned me off, I so don't need this right now.

And the weird thing is she got married 2 years and I wore the bridemaid dress she pick without hesitation. I had 1 request to shorten it a bit as it was length between the ankles and the knees. she said no and I left it as is, because it wasn't abt me. But it seems when it comes to me she can;t do the same. 

believe me there are other instances where she wants to turn this into her wedding moment but it's too much for this thread.

 

Sorry Tiffanya21 for hyjacking your thread but I just wanted to vent.

[JND2012]

Ugh I totally feel for you.  We've had a groomsman and 2 bridesmaids back out, one was FSIL and she sent us a FB msg telling us we were selfish for having a DW and that she wouldn't be attending.  That was three months ago, she hasn't spoken to us since and has actually treated us really badly, and apparently has made a deposit and is coming anyways.  People suck.

 

 

 

[Tiffanya21]

Subbi, seems like your MOH is a disaster. And to think these people are supposed to be our friends?! I'm sorry girl. Hopefully she will wake up soon and realize what a Maid-of-Zilla she has been!

 

Update: So I briefly talked with my MOH. She said she thought that I didn't want her included. That doesn't make sense to because I picked her as my MOH. Whatever. She said she is going to try to be more involved. She started to ask me all these details about the wedding, so we are starting off on a good foot. Lets see how long it lasts (hopefully until the wedding *crossing fingers*).

 

I also talked with my BM. This was a hot mess. Long story short, she wants to be involved. She said she was trying to put me first and that she wants our day to be perfect. Which is the old girl I used to know. I pretty much told her I don't know her anymore and if she didn't want to be apart of the wedding, she didn't have to. I told her I was trying to be sensitive to her situation and it blew up in my face and now she needs to decide what is to come next. She apologized. She said she didn't realize what she was doing. She said she really wants to be in the wedding, and that she is honored that we asked her to be a BM. So I told her to start acting like it. Harsh I know, but it is what needed to be done. I am not playing these crappy games anymore with my wedding party. You are either in or out. If you accept those responsibilities, you have to be there. Anyhow, we talked a little about the wedding, and that was about it. Haven't really spoken too much since, so I am not sure if we are still on the same page or different ones. After the discussion, it seemed like we were on the same page, but who knows. We shall see shortly when I decide to get the dresses.

 

To be continued after I talk to the guys....

[MDLady]

Tiffany, I'm glad that you got things smoothed over.  Wedding planning is stressful enough without all these antics.  Good luck with the rest of your planning and hopefully your wedding party will behave themselves from now on

[BusyBee123]

Glad to hear things are getting better Tiffany! Sometimes an honest conversation is all you need to sort out the miscommunications! Hopefully they will step up and start acting the part!  Because with wedding planning, you can use all of the help you can get!

 

On my crazy bridal party front, things got worse before they got better.  My bridesmaid finally booked her trip...10 minutes before the deadline! But of course there were several hours of chaos leading up to it, where she contemplated bringing a variety of different "dates".  Needless to say she's booked as a single at present! Our groomsmen stood by his inability to afford the trip deposit, so my FI caved and paid it for him.  He had better pay us back!  So the chaos ensues....I think I will have to follow you lead and have some discussions soon! 

 

Good luck and keep working on things! I hope they improve and that planning becomes more of a pleasure! It is supposed to be fun at the end of the day right? Keep us posted!

[Cassie South]

Oh ladies, isn't being a bride fun? This made me smile Busy Bee!

 

Final payment days are crazy in our office because so many people do just this... Try to change dates, room types, name changes, everything 10 minutes before final payment is due... Believe me, many brides go through this so take great comfort in the fact that you are not alone

Originally Posted by BusyBee123 

 

On my crazy bridal party front, things got worse before they got better.  My bridesmaid finally booked her trip...10 minutes before the deadline! But of course there were several hours of chaos leading up to it, where she contemplated bringing a variety of different "dates".  Needless to say she's booked as a single at present!

 

[DramaticAnnie]

I am having this issue KINDA with one of my bm's who is a party animal... everyone tells me not to expect her to go because she's not going to be able to get her deposit together.. but we'll see. Hopefully she and the other lady she booked with just room together and don't bring any of these 'date' ideas they've been mentioning...
 

Originally Posted by GingerBluePetal 

Oh ladies, isn't being a bride fun? This made me smile Busy Bee!

 

Final payment days are crazy in our office because so many people do just this... Try to change dates, room types, name changes, everything 10 minutes before final payment is due... Believe me, many brides go through this so take great comfort in the fact that you are not alone

 

[Aphrodite]

I think we have all gone through bridal party drama.

 

When I first chose my bridal party I knew I wanted it small.  So I picked 3 BMs (one being the MOH).

One of my close friends LOST IT because I didn't pick her.  She was telling me how shocked and offended she was because she couldn't understand how I could pick them over her since I have known her for 7 years.

Well it's pretty easy actually - my MOH has been my friend since we were 13...that makes 15 years of friendship.  My other bridesmaid has been my friend for 12 years and her and her husband are the ones that introduced me to my fiance - they are both in our bridal party. Then my sister is my other bridesmaid - no question there.

 

This friend won't talk to me about anything wedding related because she says it's a "sore spot".  PFFFFFFF.

 

All I learned is that people think they are entitled to things and someone always ends up getting upset.  You can't make everyone happy.

My bridal party has been great - with the minor exception of arguing about the length of their dresses that I paid for.  They are tea length organza dresses that a couple of them want shortened to show half their knee.  I said no and that they are  more than welcome to alter them like that AFTER my wedding.

[Soon2BNJersey]

I hope all works out for your tiffany, i am having wedding party troubles as well.  I have a MOH and 2 BM. and its a mess.  my MOH and friend of 12 years has been putting me on the back burner too and hasn't been avail. for anything except for the purchase of the dresses.  thats  it!  BUT she calls when she needs something or help setting up the 3 parties she has planned over the next few months.  the kicker is  my wedding is in sept. she has no roomate, has only paid a deposit, does not have air fare booked, and doesn't have passport.  oh yes AND finally she just moved into a new home.  The nail was kind of placed in the coffin yesterday: I had a gathering for my bday and it was only for a few hours in the early evening.  when it was over and we left, she showed up at the location and had the nerve to call and say "are u still here" when i replied no she just stayed there and continued partying with no response.  The way I'm gonna play it is: the deadline for final payment is next month. if she's not paid she's out.  no exceptions.  My other BM has been helping me out a lot.  If we are short a person I will have my brother step down as Groomsman and escort me down the isle (since my mom was going to step in for my dad anyway) ughhhh hope you have more luck than me.. at the end of the day its gonna work out.

Originally Posted by Tiffanya21 

Let me start by saying that I feel like brides on here, whom I have never met in my life, and probably won't, help me way more than my wedding party (which is a complete disaster). I don't know what to do. We are about 6 months out from our wedding date, and my wedding party is just so uncooperative.

 

My MOH has NO idea what is going on with our wedding. Her and I grew up together, and we always talked about us getting married and being each others MOH. Yet, now that my time has come, she is no where to be found. She was there for my engagement and so happy for me, but it seems like her life is too complicated right now for her to even care about slight details in my wedding. I am NOT trying to be a bridezilla. Actually, I feel pretty calm about the wedding and details to date, BUT I do feel like she should be there for me more. I mean, aren't MOH suppose to be there to help pick out the dress, and invites, and places, and decor, and colors, and and and? My mom has been there for me this whole time luckily, but its not the same as a BFF.

 

What stinks is, in the beginning, I wanted my other friend to be in my wedding. I actually wanted her to be the MOH, but I couldn't do that to my childhood friend, so I just asked her to be a BM. She was understanding. Since that moment, her life has turned completely upside down. We went from planning our weddings together and talking wedding daily to her breaking up with her fiance and partying AT LEAST 4 nights a week. She has pretty much cut me from the cliche because I am the only one in a relationship. Any time I even bring up the wedding, she changes the subject. What is making me upset is, I stopped talking to her about the wedding out of respect/courtesy, and she questioned me. I told her plans were still the same regardless of her situation with her relationship. She was relieved. My mistake was, I thought that was the awkward conversation about weddings and I could carry on my wedding convo's, just not as often. I was wrong. Now, I don't know what to do. A girl I barely even know is a BM at this moment.

 

To top it off, the best man FORGOT he was asked to be the best man. AND the groomsman hasn't booked a room or flight or anything yet, and the deadline for booking under the group rate was over a month ago. The resort we picked does sell out! I am so nervous that he won't be able to book a room when he is ready/if he is ever ready.

 

I feel like my wedding party is so out of control and we only asked 4 people! For pete's sake, I thought they would be the easy part. In the beginning my fiance and I were so sure about these 4 people, now we are second guessing ALL of them. IMO its rediculous. These friends (and family) should be there for us now, more than ever. I would THINK they would want this to be the happiest day of our lives, and would want to contribute. Right now, I think we picked the wrong people. The only person I feel like I can count on is my future husband. I wish my friends were more supportive....or just friends at that. Sigh. Unfortunately, sitting down and talking our feelings out with these people has not worked. They put effort in for about a day then continue on as if we never told them we were hurt. Any suggestions?  

 

[ellenj01]

Good luck talking to them, and I hope that everything works out.  It sounds like Ginger has some good advice, and realize that not everyone knows YOUR expectations for your bridesmaid...everyone has different expectations and understandings.  Maybe just talking will change things for the better. Good luck!