I had this happen to me too! Although she didn't directly ask me, she was talking about being a bridesmaid with other friends. I didn't want to hurt her feelings, so I took her out to dinner one night and shared a lot of the details of the wedding. I brought up the wedding party and explained that since it was a DW we had to keep the bridal party very small. I told her who was going to be in the wedding party and that if we were having a regular sized wedding and were having more attendants I would have loved for her to be included. I think being honest and addressing it right away helped relieve the awkwardness and everything has been great since. I also chose a few fun things for her to share with me during the wedding planning, such as a dress fitting and shopping for specific DIY items. This helped her to feel included.
Posted 06 August 2011 - 08:01 AM
As shocked as I am to read about people asking/demanding to be in the wedding party (rude beyond belief!), I know I will run into some hurt feelings/awkwardness with at least one friend I am not asking to be in the wedding, and if I don't handle it early, I'll have the same problem with her thinking she is in the wedding when she's not. Reading how others handled this is helping me to form a game plan, so I can talk to her about it early on.
I think I will explain truthfully that I have three groups of close friends from different stages of my life (and different locations, as I now live thousands of miles away from where I grew up), and to avoid chaos with a double-digit bridal party, I have chosen one person to represent each group. I'll have 3 bridesmaids, with no MOH (can't choose between them).
The only thing is figuring out how to explain that she's not the chosen one from her group. I would think she would understand, since the person I'm asking is my best friend, but there's always been some competitiveness between the two of them, so I fear there will be hurt feelings, regardless.
I like the idea of putting her in charge of various tasks at the wedding, so she doesn't feel left out. She is the type to feel extremely flattered when entrusted with big responsibilities, so I can see her getting excited about that and possibly even feeling more important than a bridesmaid. I'll give her a fancy title and put her in the program, which will definitely help.
Posted 12 October 2011 - 05:51 PM
I had two very good friends ask me who was in my wedding party, because they knew they were top contenders (I was in their weddings). They were very polite about it- they just wanted to know so they could start planning.
I told them that I was keeping it small and let them who was in my party . I also told them how much they meaned to me, and that just their presense would be such an honor. Of course it helped that my bridal party is all family- my 3 sisters, and my future hubby's sister.
I actually think they were relieved. DW's are expensive to attend and being in the bridal party is just an added expense (although I'm paying for the bridesmaid dresses, but they don't know that!).
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