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I give up

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#1 lesee

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    Posted 11 March 2011 - 01:41 PM

    Ha - I just feel so......dejected right now - trying to stay positive but I'm feeling pretty low.

    I have 2 (younger) sisters that married before me and my parents paid for a portion of their weddings. My parents said they were going to give us a certain amount for our wedding. I've come to find out that we have only received a quarter of what they initially were going to give us because they're using the other 3/4 of the money to pay for themselves to come to our wedding. so essentially I'm paying for my own parents to come to my own wedding. I know it sounds like it's about the $$ but it's not - it's the princple behind it.


    it's taking everything in me right now to call and tell my parents not to come



    #2 X-Chan

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    • 166 posts

      Posted 11 March 2011 - 01:58 PM

      Having a destination wedding means a lot added expense for our guests just to attend. The trip expenses are part of a wedding budget and I think it's reasonable for your parents not to have to put extra money if they choose not to. I'd be grateful that they are contributing at all to begin with.. I feel lucky that my immediate family can afford to pay for themselves to go but if they weren't able to, I would gladly budget so that we could pay for them. 

      #3 tris

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      • 609 posts

        Posted 11 March 2011 - 02:09 PM

        I don't want to give you bad news, but I agree with your parents... Most of us brides are paying for our whole weddings out of our own pockets, and I know it stinks that you're not getting as much as your sisters, you'll have your parents at your wedding which is much more important than money, in my opinion at least.

        Married my best friend 04/28/11 at the Gran Bahia Principe Runaway Bay

        #4 c&j

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        • 113 posts

          Posted 11 March 2011 - 02:23 PM

          My FI parents contributed $5000+ to his brothers wedding and were planning on doing the same for ours.  We told them that we didn't think that was fair for them to have to put that much money towards ours because they will have to pay for themselves, my FI 2 younger brothers, and may possibly have to help his other brother/wife because they may be short on money.  They will definitely be spending more than $5000 just to pay for everyone.  If they decide they have some extra money to contribute, then that will be fantastic, but we don't expect it by any means.


          I know it sucks, because it doesn't seem "fair", but look on the bright side...you will probably end up spending far less by having a DW versus a traditional wedding and it will last a week longer!  Just remember why you are getting married in the first place...it's not about the wedding, but spending your lives together!

          Secrets Maroma Beach


          #5 mochamakes3

          • Sr. Member
          • 1,917 posts

            Posted 11 March 2011 - 03:09 PM

            I'm sorry you feel this way. We are paying for our own wedding and the AHR and aren't expecting any money from his parents but will probably be getting money from mine. I also expect that most of my family members are in a better position to get us more expensive gifts.


            You are getting married because you want to officially declare your intention to spend forever together. It shouldn't be about money you may or may not receive. Look at this way, if you got married at home, you would probably spend a whole lot more, still have to pay for an additional honeymoon and even though you would get the "full amount" from your parents, would probably end up with a lot more out of your own pocket.

            #6 lesee

            • Jr. Member
            • 320 posts

              Posted 12 March 2011 - 10:33 AM

              We said the same thing that C&J said to their parents. They insisted and said "let us do this" so I did. I budgeted the amount they initially told us they would give. Now it's been changed. Don't get me wrong, I am totally grateful that they are contributing. But I think they perhaps shouldn't have told me one thing and then another. I know it makes me sound like I'm horrible daughter. I'm not. 


              #7 lesee

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              • 320 posts

                Posted 12 March 2011 - 10:41 AM

                I want to thank you ladies for your honest opinions and I think it's rad!



                I do feel better after sleeping on it....

                #8 mochamakes3

                • Sr. Member
                • 1,917 posts

                  Posted 12 March 2011 - 11:20 AM

                  I changed my mind after reading what you wrote today. IF they promised you a specific amount after you told them your plans for a DW, they should honor it.


                  But I am glad to see that you are feeling better about it.

                  #9 Ellabaja1983

                  • Sr. Member
                  • 1,541 posts

                    Posted 12 March 2011 - 11:41 AM

                    I'm basically with Mocha on this.  At first I was feeling like the other ladies, but if they told you regardless of where the wedding is, they would still give you a set amount, I would be upset to an extent....  My parents told me what they were going to give us before we had decided to change the wedding to a DW.  After we decided to do a DW instead of a local wedding, I felt like they shouldn't have to give us the same as originally said....  What I have decided to do instead is use most of their money for our AHR and I'm not sure if I will ask for the whole amount they originally offered.


                    I'm glad you feel better about it since you slept on it, but definitely be grateful that they will be there...which it sounds like you are!

                    Married the love of my life in April!!

                    #10 lesee

                    • Jr. Member
                    • 320 posts

                      Posted 12 March 2011 - 11:51 AM

                      I'm sure you ladies can relate to frazzled emotions with a month or so to go until the big day. I just spoke with my sister and asked her what the heck was wrong with me. I'm not like this...I roll with punches and am pretty easy going and I'm just kind of laughing at myself for being so hyped up over this. Basically - I want my parents there regardless if they give me $$ or not. I wrote my post in the heat of the moment and maybe that's exactly what I needed to do. I guess I hit my boiling point with all the weird family drama that all the DW drama brings which I KNOW every single one of you have experienced. Such is life and regardless of the dolla dolla bills....it's a day about love that I am experiencing with those closest to me and at the end of the day - that is priceless



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