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Beth O

What is wrong with people!

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Out last night watching my sons band play and I see by future DIL with tears in her eyes, I ask he what was going on, her family had just left and she said my aunt told me how certain people are really upset about them getting married in mexico. I told her I read all the time on here about how people are excited to begin with then turn it around. They have the finances to go but wont for varying reasons. I had to remind her this is their day and besides they are having a AHR where she is wearing her dress etc. Its not like they were getting married in a church if it was at home. Just makes me feel bad for her. Gave her a hug and said well I guess we will be having a shot for the ones that didnt decide to come!

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I'm feeling this as well. We announced our decision to have a destination wedding in January 2011 and the wedding isn't until end of March 2012. We thought we were giving everyone enough notice yet some of our friends/family have been complaining about everything from the date, the location we chose to the fact we've decided to have it on the beach. Luckily all of the important ppl are on board. Good for you for supporting their decision! It will make the whole thing a lot easier on them and after all, it is their day! :)

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HI Girls,

I have had lots of these moments, but I keep telling myself that even if we were having our wedding here at home, there would STILL be those people who have opinions and aren't afraid to tell you what they think.  I have a few family members as does FI that have been subtely or not so subtley complaining about the dates, suggesting their preferred resorts, or telling us that we should just go on our own and have a wedding here. 

 

I am actually getting really tired of explaining/defending our choice, and partly for this reason I have decided we will include a heartfelt letter with our save the date magnets that explains our choice of a DW.  I have seen a number of great threads on here or suggestions for what to write in the letter.  Another suggestion would be to write a letter to your guests on your website (if you are using one).

 

I want people to feel welcome and invited, but I won't stand for others trying to impress their views on us.  Suggestions are welcome, but we dont have to take them!

 

good luck!

Holly

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We have all encoutered these situations.

"You guys are selfish for not allowing your whole family to participate."

"You want us to pay $1385 for all inclusive? That's ridiculous!"

"I needed more than a year's notice for work".

"You're only doing this because you guys are cheap".

"You must think pretty badly of yourself because *insert relative's name here* won't be able to come".

 

Whatever...

 

No matter how I planned my wedding, SOMEBODY would be moaning about it.

It has nothing to do with being cheap (just an added bonus lol) it's about making it more intimate and fun because I honestly don't care if my 3rd cousin 5 times removed comes or not.  Am I upset that my grandparents can't travel?  Yes, of course.  But this is what we wanted to do and this is not just MY day.  It's my fiance's day too who has ZERO family.

 

If people are being rude just say what I say, "Well if you aren't able to come, that's okay.  I probably won't even notice that you're not there" with a big ass smile on my face.

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Complete opposite situation but still the "What is wrong with people" heading. My FI (now hubby) and I were engaged in November. His brother and his FI were engaged about two years ago. We have talked for a while about going away and doing our weddings at the same place. Not a double wedding, just the 4 of us going together. We respectfully asked that people allow us to do this on our own. I lost my father 5 years ago and he lost his just in October. Our families do not get along (i.e. his mom and sister fight like siblings and my sisters fight like, well, siblings) among multiple other reasons. Additionally, his family is huge and if you do anything you have to invite all 80 of them. We do not have the money (and more than anything the desire) to do a big wedding. At any rate, feelings were hurt (which we expected) but everyone knows us and knows that this is what we have always wanted. I am respectful of the fact that we hurt feelings. But I also know that both of us would have been miserable trying to plan and execute a big traditional wedding (it would have been no less than 200 people).

 

When we got engaged, we planned a destination wedding in Jamaica with just the 4 of us. We would get married, they would get married--in separate ceremonies--and we would all enjoy a drama and stress free wedding/honeymoon together. I took the moms dress shopping with me and have included them in any way they wished with planning our party for when we got back. Everyone had finally come around and was excited for us despite the fact they weren't coming.

 

Fast forward to this past Saturday. We moved wedding times around to accomodate photo/video needs etc--not a big deal since it was just the 4 of us. Our ceremony was at 10am, followed by a short reception and pictures. I then showered, changed to help future SIL get ready for her ceremony at 2. As I am getting out of the shower, hubby comes in and tells me that his mother has SHOWED UP uninvited to the resort. Ugh. (yes I know I am a horrible person for not inviting anyone but we figured that it was better than lying and sneaking around). So I go down to the salon to tell SIL the news so she isn't surprised with it while walking down the isle (woudn't make for pretty pictures). She is as angry as I am about it and starts crying out of pure frustration.  I talked to MIL for about 30 seconds only because she spotted me before I could duck out of the way. I was cordial but not overly friendly.  MIL is now angry with me because I wasn't excited to see her. And on top of that, the cousin that came with her is apparently running around town bragging about crashing our wedding. SERIOUSLY??? Why couldn't she respect our wishes to have a private ceremony? Not only that, but you want to go home and BRAG about it??? And WHAT makes her think that she is invited on my honeymoon? My mother is appauled with her for showing up. She would have loved to be there herself (as would SIL's family) but respected us enough to not sneak around on us. SIL father is pissed because he got wind of the bragging about crashing the wedding before she ever got home. Apparently he is so angry he couldn't even watch their dvd of the ceremony. If that's not sad, I don't know what is.

 

Am I wrong for wanting a private ceremony??? We are having a party next weekend to celebrate with family and friends. I am stressed beyond belief about what kind of scene this woman is going to make at it in front of all the other people that are important to us. That and I am PISSED that within hours of our wedding she is already playing him against me and trying to pull us apart. THIS after she has spent the last 5 years relentlessly hounding us about getting married and she didn't care how and on and on, just htat we needed to quit living in sin blah blah blah...

 

Anyway, sorry to crash the thread. I can't and won't talk badly about his mother to him (because unlike her, I respect him and don't want to put him in that position) so I needed somewhere to vent. Any input, positive or negative is welcome. I just needed to get that off my chest.

 

 

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Quote:
Originally Posted by mrsgatc View Post

Complete opposite situation but still the "What is wrong with people" heading. My FI (now hubby) and I were engaged in November. His brother and his FI were engaged about two years ago. We have talked for a while about going away and doing our weddings at the same place. Not a double wedding, just the 4 of us going together. We respectfully asked that people allow us to do this on our own. I lost my father 5 years ago and he lost his just in October. Our families do not get along (i.e. his mom and sister fight like siblings and my sisters fight like, well, siblings) among multiple other reasons. Additionally, his family is huge and if you do anything you have to invite all 80 of them. We do not have the money (and more than anything the desire) to do a big wedding. At any rate, feelings were hurt (which we expected) but everyone knows us and knows that this is what we have always wanted. I am respectful of the fact that we hurt feelings. But I also know that both of us would have been miserable trying to plan and execute a big traditional wedding (it would have been no less than 200 people).

 

When we got engaged, we planned a destination wedding in Jamaica with just the 4 of us. We would get married, they would get married--in separate ceremonies--and we would all enjoy a drama and stress free wedding/honeymoon together. I took the moms dress shopping with me and have included them in any way they wished with planning our party for when we got back. Everyone had finally come around and was excited for us despite the fact they weren't coming.

 

Fast forward to this past Saturday. We moved wedding times around to accomodate photo/video needs etc--not a big deal since it was just the 4 of us. Our ceremony was at 10am, followed by a short reception and pictures. I then showered, changed to help future SIL get ready for her ceremony at 2. As I am getting out of the shower, hubby comes in and tells me that his mother has SHOWED UP uninvited to the resort. Ugh. (yes I know I am a horrible person for not inviting anyone but we figured that it was better than lying and sneaking around). So I go down to the salon to tell SIL the news so she isn't surprised with it while walking down the isle (woudn't make for pretty pictures). She is as angry as I am about it and starts crying out of pure frustration.  I talked to MIL for about 30 seconds only because she spotted me before I could duck out of the way. I was cordial but not overly friendly.  MIL is now angry with me because I wasn't excited to see her. And on top of that, the cousin that came with her is apparently running around town bragging about crashing our wedding. SERIOUSLY??? Why couldn't she respect our wishes to have a private ceremony? Not only that, but you want to go home and BRAG about it??? And WHAT makes her think that she is invited on my honeymoon? My mother is appauled with her for showing up. She would have loved to be there herself (as would SIL's family) but respected us enough to not sneak around on us. SIL father is pissed because he got wind of the bragging about crashing the wedding before she ever got home. Apparently he is so angry he couldn't even watch their dvd of the ceremony. If that's not sad, I don't know what is.

 

Am I wrong for wanting a private ceremony??? We are having a party next weekend to celebrate with family and friends. I am stressed beyond belief about what kind of scene this woman is going to make at it in front of all the other people that are important to us. That and I am PISSED that within hours of our wedding she is already playing him against me and trying to pull us apart. THIS after she has spent the last 5 years relentlessly hounding us about getting married and she didn't care how and on and on, just htat we needed to quit living in sin blah blah blah...

 

Anyway, sorry to crash the thread. I can't and won't talk badly about his mother to him (because unlike her, I respect him and don't want to put him in that position) so I needed somewhere to vent. Any input, positive or negative is welcome. I just needed to get that off my chest.

 

 



 

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Wow that's intense! I really can't believe they would do that, no wonder you're angry!! And the bragging about it??? Yeesh.... But good for you for trying to be mature and diplomatic about it and feel free to vent away :)

 

I guess just try not to take it as a personal attack against you for completely disregarding your clearly stated wishes. Be the better person, don't stoop to their level, etc etc.  Or maybe just smack the two you know whats upside the head, kick 'em in the ribs while they're down and threaten a worse retaliation the next time they cross you ... haha just kidding, don't really do that

 

Just take it all in stride, you can handle it elefant.gif

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