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jenninjamaica

Advice for Bridesmaid-Zilla!

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Hey Ladies! It is now my brother's turn to get married and I was asked to be a bridesmaid. I thought this was great until we went on our first excursion to look for dresses and realized how hard it will be to work with 4 other women. None of the girls are skinny-minis, but one in particular started to get really worried about what she would be wearing. She is one of the bigger girls, and I totally get her not wanting to wear a dress that is uncomfortable. This is going to be a pretty simple wedding, with the reception in the bride's parents backyard. The bride and most of us girls imagined wearing simple strapless tea-length dresses, but bridesmaidzilla refused to try on anything that wasn't a floor-length formal gown. We tried suggesting she could add straps, or even she could wear a longer dress, but she insists we all wear exactly the same dress. This is a difficult situation for the bride, who wants everyone to be comfortable, and does not want to hurt anyone's feeling.

 

I didn't say too much at the time, but the more I thought about her fave picks, the more I realized that myself and 2 other girls will look awful in them because we are 5'2-5'4 and will look overwhelmed in long formal dresses. Also I have really small shoulders, so thick straps always look funny on me. I feel like a terrible person because I get where she is coming from, but how far do you go to please one person, especially if everyone else is uncomfortable. Do I say something? Do I keep quiet and let the others choose?

 

I was just wondering if anyone has had a similar experience and has advice on how to handle this. 

 

Thanks for your help!!

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Do you all have to wear the same dress? It's perfectly acceptble to pick different dresses in the same color scheme. If this is not an option I was ask the MOH to interven. This is one of her lovely duties! She shoud politely take the bridesmaid-zilla side and remind her that on her wedding day she can call the shots but as for this bride's special day she has selected the strapless dress. Then reaffirm her feelings for the bride: I know you care about her as much as I do and I really dont want us to add extra stress to her day by disagreeing on the dress.

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spaterson is absolutely right.   The MOH is in charge when the bride is not around.   She needs to be the one calling the shots when the bride is not available, or can't make the decision.   Talk to the MOH and end the problem.   Of course, MOH can make a decision you won't like either, but let's hope that doesn't happen.

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I've always thought that for bridesmaids, having different styles of dresses in the same colour is great simply for that fact that not everyone is built the same way! One bridesmaid looks better and is more comfortable in a long gown with thicker straps, while another one is more comfy in shorter strapless styles... etc. And since they're all the same colour, it's still uniform and looks nice. But I guess not everyone would agree with that. 

 

 

 

 

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I have been in seven weddings, and all seven have had to pay for my dress, none were cheap, but in every wedding the dresses were completely awful because the bride wanted to accomodate bigger girl/ pregnant girls so I am totally for the dresses in same color let them choose style they are comfortable with, or for instance my girls will wear beautiful dresses and my MOH who will be 7 mo pregnant will wear a dress she is comfortable in, in the same color scheme, because I have always been on the receiving end of crap dresses I wasn't going to make my other girls wear mumus because my MOH is pregnant, (no matter what I did pay for their dresses), sorry got off track, point being its brides choice, if bride is a decent friend she will listen to the girls input 

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I can understand people wanting consistency in weddings for their color schemes but that in itself doesnt mean you all have to be matchy matchy....there shouldnt be any issues with you all wearing your own styles as long as you respect the brides wishes for color schemes and can stay within the same designer so the colors are consistent since colors can vary from designer to designer. We are all afterall our own individuals and have our own personalities and I'm sure the bride would want that to be reflected in her choices of why she picked you gals in the first place :) Thats just my opinion. I am actually just in the process of shopping with my bridal party for their dresses and well this is what it looks like

My sister (MOH): 5'9, very hour glass figured and chest heavy

Bridesmaid 1: 5:2 probably 90lbs soaking wet LOL no boobs or butt or shape LOL she is a tiny little thing

Bridesmaid 2: 5:6 completely pear shaped...no boobs and wider at the bottom

 

If i expected them all to wear the same thing it would probably look silly and i would probably look forever to find a dress that suits all of them so I am letting them pick whatever dresses they want as long as its in my color :)

 

its not an easy situation to be in but i think its ok for you to express your opinion :)

 

GOOD LUCK

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As a bride trying to decide on dress styles I wanted everyone to be comfortable and wear something that they would be interested in wearing again.  I picked the colour and the materials and then they were able to pick out the styles.  We all went dress shopping together and it was lots of fun seeing everyone in the various styles.  They picked out completely different dresses and it worked out perfectly and they all have a dress that they are comfortable in and will hopefully wear again.

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***UPDATE***

 

Okay ladies, here is the scoop. The bride-to-be sent around this photo of a dress she fell in love with, and I was so excited. Its simple and cute, and it has pockets! I LOVE pockets!!! And I could most definitely wear this dress again.

Bridesmaid dress.jpg

 

She tells me that everyone loves the dress except Bridesmaidzilla (she didn't actually call her that!) because she had not seen it yet. She says she is seeing this BM on the weekend, but she is sure it will be fine. I am not so sure, seeing that she was so insistent on a floor-length gown, but hey, if the bride wants it, she gets it...right?!!

 

Wrong! Fast forward to the Sunday, bride and BM head to the mall and BM falls in love with a dress at Sears. I am not really sure if the bride gave in or really likes the dress, but she sends everyone a photo the next day and tells us we have to go buy the dress on Friday because it will be 40% off. That's it, no asking our opinions, just get it. I will admit I was a little miffed. Again, I am not sure if she has just given up on trying to please everyone and just made a decision (which is fine!) or if she just really wanted to make bridesmaidzilla happy. Either way though, no one was thinking. Its heavy satin, it has more crinolin than my wedding dress, and I will be sweating buckets! Gross!! And did I mention this will be in August! Also, we have been warned about not spilling anything on it because the material will change colour, so I am pretty sure I will not be eating/drinking for almost a whole day!! Its a Chinese food buffet....I always drop a chicken ball in my lap! Its not fair!!

 

I know it isn't THAT bad. I can't help but exaggerate in this situation. And it only cost me $107. But I know I will NEVER wear it again, and this drives me nuts. That's a lot of money for a dress I will wear once. But I am putting on a happy face and trying to be the accommodating BM. So here goes...

 

Dress 1.JPG   Dress 4.JPG 

 

So this dress is now hanging in my closet, waiting to be worn...

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Well if its any consolation for what you have gone through...you look great in that dress!!!

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Jenn, how do you think the bride would feel if some of you had the dress shortened to tea length? It might make it a little more comfortable.

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