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Bridesmaid expectations


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#1 pinkybebe

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    Posted 11 February 2011 - 04:16 PM

    Hi everyone,

     

    This is my first post! I just like to say that this forum is so extremely useful. It's nice to get advice and perspectives from other brides.

    Here's my problem. I'm doing a destination wedding and have already selected all the members in my wedding party. Everyone but one person in the wedding party refuses to come together and book with the group. I know $$$ is the issue and my BM says she can't afford it and knows she could find a better deal if we wait till 4 months before the wedding. Now the group has booked minus the one BM. I feel so stressed because what if she can't make it on the same flight? What if the hotel is completely booked? She guarantees that she'll make it for my wedding but there's no reassurance to back that guarantee. What should i do? I was talking to some of my other friends and they said that I should remove her from my wedding party. Should I or should I take the risk of her not being able to make it?

     

    Please help! :(



    #2 pinkybebe

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      Posted 11 February 2011 - 04:18 PM

      Also I want to add that when I did get engaged I told the wedding party roughly what the cost would be... So it's not like it was a surprise.



      #3 acireta

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        Posted 11 February 2011 - 05:40 PM

        First of all, welcome to the site!

         

        Honestly, I don't think there's a reason to act swiftly. It would be her loss if she weren't able to be there, and it wouldn't prevent you from getting married if she were or weren't there. I know you're irritated with her (I'm also having a problem getting one of my BMs to book) but things like this can change from day to day. Maybe she'll take care of business once tax refunds come through!  Good luck!!

         

        When is your wedding date?


        Erica & Al - April 3, 2012 - St. Thomas, USVI

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        #4 acireta

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          Posted 11 February 2011 - 05:45 PM

          Just saw your other post, I didn't realize she would impact everyone else getting the group booking rate. Is there someone else who would be willing to book early to make the quota?


          Erica & Al - April 3, 2012 - St. Thomas, USVI

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          #5 pinkybebe

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            Posted 12 February 2011 - 11:09 PM

            Thanks acireta! This site is awesome. It's great to have support and support other brides as well.

             

            Yeah I know my BM not being there wouldn't prevent me from getting married but my wedding party only consists of 2 BM and 2 Groomsmen. It would look uneven with 2 groomsmen and just 1 BM. I'm impressed you handle this situation so well. I wish I could do that too :( I just let it consume me and stress me out thinking about the "what if she can't come?" "what if she can't book the hotel"

             

            Yeah without the BM coming we can't makehe that magic number to meet the group rate criteria AND the other BM will have nobody to room with therefore she would have to book single occupancy which is $600 more than the double occupancy price which I find ridiculous. Dunno, I just feel that if you make a commitment to be a BM then you should keep that commitment. sigh...my wedding is in Sept 2011

             



            #6 acireta

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              Posted 13 February 2011 - 11:15 AM

              I agree, if you make the committment, especially if you had all the pricing info up front, you should keep your word and act in an appropriate amount of time (so as not to screw everyone else. Awesome.). But some people, man...

               

              We're might have an uneven bridal party, but we're not even sure how uneven yet LOL could be two BMs and 1 GM or three & three or anywhere inbetween. I've seen a bunch of pics of uneven bridal parties, and they look just as nice as even ones, I promise! Try to not let it get you down too badly, hun!!

               

              I'm still hoping that, as your friend, she finds a way to make this happen for you and the rest of the group! I'm an eternal optimist.


              Erica & Al - April 3, 2012 - St. Thomas, USVI

              Planning Thread

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              #7 LMango

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                Posted 14 February 2011 - 09:40 AM

                Well, it sucks she won't book with you now so you can get the group rate, but in her mind, she is right. Bitching her out is only going to make her less likely to try to make the wedding. Some people just become total assmonkeys about other peoples' weddings.

                 

                If it is worth it for the amount of savings, can you make up a person to take the place of the missing BM??



                #8 Meggers7484

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                  Posted 14 February 2011 - 03:41 PM

                  If it makes you feel any better, I actually prefer uneven bridal parties! I purposely chose fewer bm's than my fi did groomsman. It sucks about the group rate, but isn't there anyone isn't in the bridal party that can room with your other bm? September is a long way away. Your bm may want to bring a significant other with them by then! Our bm's are doing the same thing and holding out on booking to try and get a better deal. They say they'll be there, and I am leaving it to them to make sure they are!!

                  #9 pinkybebe

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                    Posted 15 February 2011 - 11:23 AM

                    Thanks for your support you acireta,LMango & Meggers7484! I always thought uneven bridal parties looked well....uneven! Doesn't it look like one of your BMs did a no-show?

                     

                    Fortunately, a few of my friends stepped up and helped us with the group rate! Yay! I'm so glad that they could help us. Our group quote was almost close to expiry so we pretty much had to call anyone to see if they could make it. I'm glad that part worked out. *phew* People ARE assmonkeys when it comes to other people's weddings! If I couldn't find a person to room with my MOH she would've had to pay an additional $650 on top of the group rate for single occupancy which I found ridiculous! I'm glad that part worked out.

                     

                    So now I just hope that BM that didn't book with us can make it! Meggers7484 aren't you nervous that your wedding party can't all make it? That's what I'm afraid of. :(

                     

                    When are all your weddings?

                     

                     

                     



                    #10 CanadianLindsey

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                      Posted 15 February 2011 - 11:49 AM

                      I like this assmonkey term everyone is using!  he he!!

                       

                      Did you give everyone a date that they must book by?  We had told our guests and wedding party the resort needed final numbers 4 months before to secure us our price quotes on reception and ceremony items/food.  It was true, but I fibbed the timeline a bit because I wanted everyone booked early enough to give us time to pair up singles(to avoid that extra charge for single occupancy) buy and order favors, wedding party gifts, BM dresses, OOT bags, etc.  It also forced everyone to book through the group rate with our TA since it was too early to get last minute deals online.  You could try this to to get her to book sooner. It is really selfish of her to expect you to just wait it out with her until the price drops...it may never drop, mine didn't!  Just a thought...






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