Future In-Laws (enough said)

2B-Lansdale · February 8, 2011

Since getting engaged June 2010, after dating for three years, my fiance' and I have finally decided on a location (Maui) and a date 11/11/11. I am originally from Alabama and my fiance is from Louisiana; we currently live in Louisiana. We decided that wherever we decided to get married someone would have to travel, so why not to a beautiful location for a nice vacation.

So we know its a lot to ask friends and family to attend a wedding in Hawaii. That being said, we decided on it only being the two of us (no BM or GM) and assumed that our parents would be there to support any decision we make. Our siblings are invited but not expected to attend due to their young families and finances.

Now that the planning has begun, my parents are super stoked that not only am I getting married but it will also be an awesome "once in a lifetime" trip. What better excuse do you have to go to Hawaii?! My sisters and their spouses have also decided to come along as well.

For my fiance', the siblings haven't even discussed the options. Furthermore, his parents have decided that they "will not go to Hawaii." They believe the idea is silly when "such an event can take place right at home. " They have used excuses such as: "it cost too much" "the flight is too long" , etc. Their suggestion is that we get married at the courthouse or by the JP and then go on a honeymoon for ourselves in Hawaii ( that they offered to put money toward, but finances are an issue?)

I am in need of new perspective. I have a burning desire to "get Maui ed". I believe that our wedding day should be about what we want. But I also don't want to create a rift between the in-laws that will be a lifetime of misery. But should I be pissed off and unhappy on my wedding day? Should they put my fiance' in a position to choose who he will make happy? ( them or me) What will happen and how will my fiance' feel if they seriously decide not to be apart of our wedding day?

Am I asking too much?

clgriffi7 · February 9, 2011

Even though you are getting married in the US - why not get married at home at the courthouse (with justice of the peace) and then have a symbolic ceremony in Maui? Most of the brides on this forum are getting married in another country (which have hoops to jump through to make it legal there and back home) so lots of us are getting legally married at home and then having symbolic weddings at our destination.

If I were you, I would try and find a way to have some sort of ceremony at home where your fiance's parents will attend but also have your dream wedding in Maui. If you offer this option the in-laws will feel like they have "won", which will keep the peace. And if you keep up with the planning of the Maui wedding, by the time it rolls around the in-laws might have changed their mind and might not want to be left out.

Best of luck with your decision!

FutureMrsDawson · September 23, 2011

clgriffi7 has a vaild point. We are getting married at town hall a couple of days before we leave to have everything done here legally in Canada then having a symbolic ceremony in the DR. We are having a Pastor there and will recognize that as our official anniversary date.

If it will keep the peace and make them think the 'won' what difference does it make in the end? You'll have a great vacation with your family and friends, it's just a little sad that his family can't see what they are missing, but you can make the best of it!