Sister in law...zilla??

[noelles]

I found this area for venting and am I ever glad.  My FSIL is insane.  Yes I said it, insane.  I met my soon to be five years ago, he was  abit of a player in the begining, and I was clear, I dont like to share or play well with others.  He fixed all his crap and came back and while its not disney around here we have a pretty decent life. 

 

Over the last five years she has been snotty catty and downright rude.  Now I believe u marry the man you marry his family, you have no choice family is forever and I have tried so hard to make things at least bearable with this woman. 

 

She called my house and asked my FI to come over and help put up fencing.  He arrived and there was no fence there were drinks and one of the "ex" gf's instead.  She has told my mother in law I am bad for the kids as a clinical psychologist with a specialty in juveniles I would do nothing but screw up the kids head.. WTF! If FI goes out with her she insits on going to a bar and constantly tries to convince him to leave me or at the very least meet this lovely lady.  I pretty much lost it when she invited another one of his exes to a family meal, this woman had made my hell stalking the FI and supporting stupid behavior, I walked into the SIL house and there she was at the xmas dinner.  At that point I just snapped I said I am sorry I cant stay I am not feeling well, I will make it up to you by having dinner next week at our house...my theory at the time was I will invite the woman her husband cheated on her with.  I didnt cause that is cold but I did indicate I would not be attending any more of her "events"

 

When we told her we want to get married on the Mayan Riv she said she would come but not to expect her at the resort we choose, flat out said she thinks noelle has no taste and where I choose will likely not be to her liking.

 

Today she pretty much crossed all the lines she told my FI she feels sorry for him as he works so hard and he had nothing, we may not be the wealthiest people in the world but for heavens sakes we have three very spoiled kids, we have our home I think we are doin pretty good.  she then went on to tell the FI that it is ridiculous to put out invitations for our wedding its not like its a big deal or anthing just doing a beach thing not gonna be an actual event  noted her wedding was an "event" that required planning and thought but this is just a quicky wedding....IT IS SO ON, I mean I get that it is petty and small and I get it is lowering myself to her level, but at this point this wedding is going to blow her mind I want it to be amazing and I am going to go to any lengths I can to make it mind blowing on the budget I have.  I guess I am just petty

[bmadzia1]

Perhaps she's afraid she's going to loose her brother? Or just jelous of everything you guys have? Or just needs to see a professional?  This really sucks. I know what you mean about not going to her level.  Remeber- it is YOUR day. Don't let her get under your skin.  It sounds like a sister in law from hell.... but WTF - inviting his ex to a Christmas dinner? Does anyone else see this in his family? I'm not a specialist in this field, but perhaps get your FI to say something to her - strongly.

 

Sorry to hear you're having this happen to you. 

[X-Chan]

Oh...my...god.....

 

That is such a terrible situation to have to be in. Have his parents said anything about this? You are playing it very classy and I think you should keep it that way. It just makes her come off even more crazy. 

 

I too believe when you marry someone, you marry their family, but the problems here are pretty extreme I might consider cutting off any relationships with her. (For you.. not your husband, I don't think it would be right to ban someone from their sister) 

[clgriffi7]

Why hasn't your FI banned himself from his sister?!!!  If my sibling had so little respect for my choice in mate that she felt the need to try and hook me back up with ex's (and it says something about the FSIL that she isn't really pushing just one lady - she is trying to hook him up with different ladies - WTF?!) then I would tell my sister where to go.  It doesn't matter whether a sibling agrees with your decision, it is their job to say their peace just once and then be supportive.

 

You are a much nicer person than I am.  I would have told my fiance he needs to get this situation under control by whatever means he sees fit (be it laying down the law or avoiding her).  And if he didn't get it under control then I would have to take it upon myself to get it under control and after several "warnings" you better bet that a family Christmas dinner wouldn't stop me.  On the one hand you don't want to make an enemey of a future in-law, but you also don't want them to think they can roll all over you - if something doesn't give she will never show you the respect you deserve.

 

BTW - When I say I would lay down the law, I would do it in such a way that made her out to be the bad guy.  Something like, "Wow, ____ (FSIL's name)!  It has been apparent for quite some time that you do not approve of ____ (fianc'e name) and I getting married by the way you are constantly trying to hook him up with other women.  But I do believe this takes it to a whole new level that you are trying to use the celebration of Christ's birthday to break up my engagement."  At which point I would turn to the rest of the family and say "I apologize that I will not be able to stay any longer as I feel I have been deeply disrespected.  I wish all of you a very Merry Christmas."  Then I would turn back to the FSIL and say "and I hope you feel ashamed of yourself."

 

Sorry my reply was so long - but this one got my blood boiling!

[islandbride8]

Okay, PLEASE do not call what this b*tch is doing petty or small... its HUGE!!!!!!!!!! 

 

Seriously, WTF?   what does your fiance do when she pulls this crap?!?!?!  If my brother acted like this (even half like this) i would have a serious talk with him, if it continued then he would be out of my life until he was able to put on his big boy pants!  You should NOT have to put up with the blatant disrespect right to your face! 

 

AAAAAANNNNNNDDDD..... what the hell is up with the ex gf's?  are they really that desperate for attention that they will participate in sabotaging your family events?!?!  that's sad.... How does the rest of his family react when this all goes down?  why would they welcome an ex-gf of his back into their home????

 

Honestly, if this happened to me I'd be locked up somewhere. 

 

This is all sooo strange and big time WRONG!   Oh and I forgot that you have 3 children!  OMG i seriously want to fight this girl for you, lol! 

 

I would continue to keep it classy, but stop playing so nice.  You're a person with feelings and if his family doesn't treat you accordingly, HE should have a major problem with them!  I know if my FIs family were mean to me, he would either put an end to it or would stop attending family functions.  I think it may be more appropriate for him to have a talk with his family.  Oh, and how did he react to the ex-gf???

 

 

BTW- if she doesn't stay at your resort, GREAT!!!!  less drama for you, just let her know that it will be X amt of $$$ for her day pass and that will be her responsibility!  ALSO, your wedding is a MAJOR EVENT!  probably not in her pathetic life, but to the rest of the "sane" world it's HUGE

[noelles]

lol thank you all please dont think I do nothing, and the rest of his family dont support this, his mother is beside herself and FI does and has both confronted her and refuse to do things with her, Family events are family events my thing is I feel stupid letting her get to me, its ridiculous that I get so hurt by her bs, and I am at the point where I want to smack her but that is not my idea of a fun family event.  I try very hard to make sure the kids never notice this discord and dont want to let them see that kind of negativity.  At this point I really just want to give her an in your face, lol I did make sure to note my 3c diamond is much much prettier than hers and ummmmm I'm a princess...lol

[Vettiebean]

Okay... I consider myself a VERY, VERY considerate, patient, understanding, etc. person. I mean... a couple of the girls that responded here responded to a problem I was having, too, so they can attest I'm not overly dramatic or insane. BUT DEAR DAMN!!!! Ohhh F'in HELLLL No!!! I think this is more upsetting than what I was going through, for damn sure. (Btw, LMFAO at the girls' comments bc I feel the same way!) 

 

Now, I fully admit that I'm not perfect. As a matter of fact, when it comes to dealing with people who disrespect or mistreat me, I find it very difficult to keep myself in check. Basically, if I don't make them cry and sob like a worthless, pathetic baby by the time I'm finished, I haven't done my job. Talk about a seriously rude, inconsiderate, selfish, jealous, desperate, psycho! 

 

GOOD that she's not staying at your resort. It means you don't have to deal with her unless absolutely necessary! I mean, should someone point out to her that your taste can't possibly be that bad... you're marrying her brother and you picked him, didn't you?? 

 

You have every right to be upset. I'm surprised things haven't exploded before, to be honest (although that's prob just a reflection of how i'd react). I think it's great that FI is supportive and understanding of the situation, and is choosing to stay away from her events. Don't get me wrong, I don't typically advocate deteriorating relationships. But each situation is unique. And, at the end of the day, he is choosing you. he is marrying you, and he has a family with you. These are things that FSIL needs to accept and respect. 

 

Good luck, girlie! Seriously sending positive vibes your way!! 

[sascolo]

I am horrified by her behavior! I really hope your mil and fiancé stand up for you and put a stop to this!

[noelles]

fyi update on the FSIL from hell, well it did explode, I have been going through some issues medically, the least of which is diabetes, she noted publicly on fb that her mom told her I was ill but I should look at the silver lining, maybe having the diabetes will make me loose weight.  Ladies I gained weight because of the steroids they gave me for Chemo, and I just couldnt stand still any more.  But I did it with style and kinda Karma, I invited her ex husband and his much younger and nicer new wife to our engagement party. He has been a huge part of my FH's life and he has been ill that he is not supposed to be friends with him now after 20 years, I thought it was a lovely touch, and really I never thought she would attend anyway...dripping sarcasm here

[anna524]

wow what a piece of work. i thought my FSIL was bad but this takes the cake. im so glad you invited her ex husband over! maybe she will learn a lesson. im curious if she still pulls this crap.