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did anyone have a really SMALL wedding, but without intending to, and how did you feel about it?


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#71 MichCraw

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    Posted 11 August 2011 - 10:52 AM

    Wow, didn't think many brides were in this situation!! With everyone having 40+ booked everywhere.. I was starting to wonder if I was the outsider!! We are 14 booked including myself & fianc©, my fianc© has zero .. count 0 family going.. and 0 friends... he doesn't have anyone to be best man .... would have offered my dad.. however my dad isn't going ... cause he doesn't like to fly!!! I feel bad about my fianc©'s situation.. eventhough he doesn't show any emotion about it. He doesn't regret our decision either, he wanted ocean & beach & gazebo just as much as I did. We invited maybe 25 people in all, because those who I knew wouldn't come.. I just didn't waste the time to invite... it's our Big day and I didn't want people to spoil it and i'm not the type of person to invite people that I barely know.. just so that they send a gift or something like that. It's just really disheartening to see the response on his side... especially since his sister got married 2 years ago ... and his parents made a big ADO about that and spent a bunch of money on her... but won't even RSVP for their own son.



    #72 kellygrrrl

    kellygrrrl
    • Member
    • 614 posts

      Posted 11 August 2011 - 12:34 PM

      that makes me so sad. : ( why won't even his parents come??

       

      I think the guys will tend to take it easier than us girls. for us, it more of an emtional thing, whereas for them, I think they're apt to be excited about the beach and hotel and beer and everything else going on - they're not going to count the number of people coming obsessively like us. ; ) if he's anything like my FI, he'll have a blast no matter what, even if it doesn't seem that way initially. I'm sure that all he wants is to marry you on the beach. : )

       

      Originally Posted by MichCraw 

      Wow, didn't think many brides were in this situation!! With everyone having 40+ booked everywhere.. I was starting to wonder if I was the outsider!! We are 14 booked including myself & fianc©, my fianc© has zero .. count 0 family going.. and 0 friends... he doesn't have anyone to be best man .... would have offered my dad.. however my dad isn't going ... cause he doesn't like to fly!!! I feel bad about my fianc©'s situation.. eventhough he doesn't show any emotion about it. He doesn't regret our decision either, he wanted ocean & beach & gazebo just as much as I did. We invited maybe 25 people in all, because those who I knew wouldn't come.. I just didn't waste the time to invite... it's our Big day and I didn't want people to spoil it and i'm not the type of person to invite people that I barely know.. just so that they send a gift or something like that. It's just really disheartening to see the response on his side... especially since his sister got married 2 years ago ... and his parents made a big ADO about that and spent a bunch of money on her... but won't even RSVP for their own son.



       



      #73 stluciabound

      stluciabound
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        Posted 12 August 2011 - 07:49 AM



        Oh my goodness we are in the EXACT same situation. What is the matter with people?? I have vented on some of the other threads so I won't bore everyone with the whole story again, but the long and short of it is that my FI has no one on his side coming. To make matters worse his brother had agreed to be his best man and his sister agreed to be my maid of honor and now even they are both refusing to come. It's weird though because when we announced the location they just mentioned they wouldn't "be able" to go (which is a bunch of crap), but that was a few months ago and they don't even have the decency to call either one of us to confirm that they won't attend, or to step down from the roles that they agreed to. They just don't call at all. Sadly, up until now him and his siblings had been super close. All we get is the occasional crying phone call from his mom telling us how selfish we are and how much we are hurting the family. She keeps trying to convince him how miserable he is going to be on his (our) wedding day when none of his family is there. I just want to scream "news flash lady... it's about us, not you!!!" My FI was really upset at first, but I think the crazier they act the more he realizes that we are the only ones that matter on our special day. It does make me sad for him though. Also, like your situation, his older sister got married a few years back, which was of course tended to in classic princess style and completely paid for by them. How parents can justify spending 30,000 on one child's wedding, but refuse to even spend 2,000 to merely attend the other's makes me sick to my stomach. And we are the one's that should feel guilty? I think not. I am glad that you guys are sticking to your guns and not alowing his family's selfishness to get you down. I know how hard it is sometimes. At least we know that no matter how small each of our weddings ends up, the people that are there truly love us. That makes it as special as can be. And I am just so thankful for this site. It has truly saved my sanity!!! Happy planning ladies and never forget who's day it is :)

        Originally Posted by MichCraw 

        Wow, didn't think many brides were in this situation!! With everyone having 40+ booked everywhere.. I was starting to wonder if I was the outsider!! We are 14 booked including myself & fianc©, my fianc© has zero .. count 0 family going.. and 0 friends... he doesn't have anyone to be best man .... would have offered my dad.. however my dad isn't going ... cause he doesn't like to fly!!! I feel bad about my fianc©'s situation.. eventhough he doesn't show any emotion about it. He doesn't regret our decision either, he wanted ocean & beach & gazebo just as much as I did. We invited maybe 25 people in all, because those who I knew wouldn't come.. I just didn't waste the time to invite... it's our Big day and I didn't want people to spoil it and i'm not the type of person to invite people that I barely know.. just so that they send a gift or something like that. It's just really disheartening to see the response on his side... especially since his sister got married 2 years ago ... and his parents made a big ADO about that and spent a bunch of money on her... but won't even RSVP for their own son.



         


        Staying strong through a cancelled engagement/wedding. Thankful for all the ladies here and hoping the best for everyone!!! xoxo

        #74 PurpleUnicorn

        PurpleUnicorn
        • Jr. Member
        • 305 posts

          Posted 16 August 2011 - 02:15 PM

           


          wow, i started this thread so long ago, but i remember when i did i was in desperate need of some uplifting and i remember those words by Nicole that Brayna referred to in her post helping me immensely as well.  I remember reading all the initial replies i got to this thread and bawling!!!  Then i felt better after.  i hope all of you recent posters to this thread have read my update about how my small wedding was absolutely PERFECT!!!!  and i can now say Nicole's words are my own!!! (well my mom was there, but a few other VIPs were not and i really didn't think about them when i was marrying the love of my life on the shore of the Jamaican sea!).

           

           

           
          Originally Posted by Branya2012 


          Speaking as someone that is currently in the middle of all of the emotions, THANK YOU all for your words of wisdom!!  It's so comforting to hear that you ladies are going through some of the same things that I am going through right now and I especially am grateful for what you said below, ~Nicole~.

           

          It's so hard as we go along planning our DWs, it's only naturally to want to please everyone. But the truth is that even if you were to try to stay at home, at the end of the day you can't please everyone. People so easily forget what a wedding is all about and become so selfish. I've told myself over and over, that all that matters is that my fiancee and I are there and that we get our dream wedding on the beach. We are going to have a fabulous wedding and it might be difficult at times when planning, but I know I won't regret having a small DW for a second. :)
           



           



           



          #75 PurpleUnicorn

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            Posted 16 August 2011 - 02:23 PM

            haha, that was exactly why i started this thread. i discovered this website, while excited to find it at first, i also found i was quite jealous.  On weddingbee.com, i was one of the only DW brides and everyone thought it was so cool i was getting married in Jamaica.  then i came here and saw everyone getting married at fancier, higher star resorts with triple the number of guests!!! i totally felt like an outsider.  So i started this thread and united us all!! I also started a thread for MY resort as no one else had and now all the Sunset Beach brides are trickling out, i love it!

             

            when is your wedding again - if i remember correctly, it is not for a while?  so i think your FI still has a chance for people to surprise him.  when i wrote this thread, i was bummed as with 3 months to go, i think i had 11 people?  then we finally got his parents to book (we paid for them and they paid us back after they sold their house after the wedding), and one of my hubby's friends from school surprised us by booking.  He was our one 'unexpected' guest and he was so enthusiastic about our wedding, i loved it!   My hubby also didn't have an official best man. we just had my sister's husband up there with him and that was it.  But he didn't care at all either. i think i cared more than he did.  Basically, i found things have a way of working themselves out and you just have to believe that however and whoever your wedding turns out - that is how it was meant to be and that is what it will be so you will love it no matter what.  In the end, i had 17 - still about half of what we initially expected, but that allowed me to my money elsewhere and also save overall on the reception - I couldn't complain about that!!!

             

            BELIEVE ME when i say that ON your wedding day, the ONLY person who NEEDS to be there is you and your FI! that is what makes the day special.  everyone else is a bonus.  
             

            Originally Posted by MichCraw 

            Wow, didn't think many brides were in this situation!! With everyone having 40+ booked everywhere.. I was starting to wonder if I was the outsider!! We are 14 booked including myself & fianc©, my fianc© has zero .. count 0 family going.. and 0 friends... he doesn't have anyone to be best man .... would have offered my dad.. however my dad isn't going ... cause he doesn't like to fly!!! I feel bad about my fianc©'s situation.. eventhough he doesn't show any emotion about it. He doesn't regret our decision either, he wanted ocean & beach & gazebo just as much as I did. We invited maybe 25 people in all, because those who I knew wouldn't come.. I just didn't waste the time to invite... it's our Big day and I didn't want people to spoil it and i'm not the type of person to invite people that I barely know.. just so that they send a gift or something like that. It's just really disheartening to see the response on his side... especially since his sister got married 2 years ago ... and his parents made a big ADO about that and spent a bunch of money on her... but won't even RSVP for their own son.



             



            #76 AfricanVenus

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            • 328 posts

              Posted 17 August 2011 - 08:50 AM

              I forgot all about this thread, lol. So B2Bs, you'll experience everyone being on board at first, only to have the numbers dwindle. Folks will avoid your calls/emails about booking. You'll panic about numbers. But I've learned that those who take those steps to go initially, are who will be there for you. Actions always speak louder than words. We lost the original best man due to his jealousy and his own wedding (which he failed to inform until too late to go anyway). I've stopped speaking to people who just lied about what they were going to do. It really tests your relationships and your mettle. If you have a small wedding, it's all good. You're still married. Enjoy it and don't sweat it. With the lower numbers, your budget may open up! :)

               

              In the end, we had 14, including DH and I. While I too was jealous of weddings where there were at least 50 guests, I realized my dream wedding wouldn't have happened with more people. It was just enough and so incredibly intimate. People who never met before got to know each other and everyone got along great! My grampy and auntie flew in from Jamaica, which meant THE WORLD to me. My three best friends were my b-maids. My sister was my MOH. DH's 2 brothers were g-men and one of his good friends from church came to represent as his best man. My DH's stepdad performed the ceremony. It was just very family-oriented and lovely. While more guests look nice picture-wise, there's something about smaller numbers that is really quite special.

               

               


              Heaven endures and the Earth lasts a long time, because they do not live for themselves. ~~Our story endures: June 25, 2011~~
              Wedsite: kosha.projectwedding.com

              #77 countrybride

              countrybride
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              • 40 posts

                Posted 17 August 2011 - 09:27 AM

                I am glad to here I am not the only one! When we were engaged may 2010 and asked our immediate families if they would come if we did a destination wedding they were all so excited. So we figured if the immediate family could come then it would be fine. All summer everyone had pressured us to get organized early so they could save and book holidays. When we sent out our STD's in February we sent out 132. We knew there were lots of people on that list that would not come. But we sent invites out of consideration for people such as my great grandmother and the older generation of both families knowing full well they would not come but we wanted them to feel included. Out of 132 invitations only 62 people sent back an RSVP sooo that leaves 70 people who didnt even bother. There was even a couple who booked that didnt even tell us. Thats all great but I was just surprised that people felt they didnt need to respond. We had an RSVP that said we will be there but theres not way were going to book yet well book in october. So its hard to decide on final number. Right now we have 26 people booked. Its just frusterating. If you know your not coming people sent an RSVP back. I even put my email down for the lazier members of our family haha so they didnt have to go to the mail box. My mother and stepdad bailed as well. I wasn't really offended that people didnt come. More the disrespectfulness of not sending an Answer!

                 

                But know that we are  three months away I have just decided to let it go. 26 of us will be amazing. and as long at its me and my FI and the dress of course. We will have an amazing time and the people who want to come will be there to help us start our marriage.



                #78 MichCraw

                MichCraw
                • Jr. Member
                • 369 posts

                  Posted 19 August 2011 - 09:14 PM

                  I hear ya!! My father this week .. made me feel super guilty as well !! To sum things up, he told me that my mother was asking him to pay a lot more things around the house recently .. because she was saving up money to come to the wedding... told me I was leading everyone in the family to bankruptcy!!!!...... nice.......meanwhile he has 3 children and he wonders why he didn't walk any of us down the aisle... hmmmmm
                   

                  Originally Posted by stluciabound 



                  Oh my goodness we are in the EXACT same situation. What is the matter with people?? I have vented on some of the other threads so I won't bore everyone with the whole story again, but the long and short of it is that my FI has no one on his side coming. To make matters worse his brother had agreed to be his best man and his sister agreed to be my maid of honor and now even they are both refusing to come. It's weird though because when we announced the location they just mentioned they wouldn't "be able" to go (which is a bunch of crap), but that was a few months ago and they don't even have the decency to call either one of us to confirm that they won't attend, or to step down from the roles that they agreed to. They just don't call at all. Sadly, up until now him and his siblings had been super close. All we get is the occasional crying phone call from his mom telling us how selfish we are and how much we are hurting the family. She keeps trying to convince him how miserable he is going to be on his (our) wedding day when none of his family is there. I just want to scream "news flash lady... it's about us, not you!!!" My FI was really upset at first, but I think the crazier they act the more he realizes that we are the only ones that matter on our special day. It does make me sad for him though. Also, like your situation, his older sister got married a few years back, which was of course tended to in classic princess style and completely paid for by them. How parents can justify spending 30,000 on one child's wedding, but refuse to even spend 2,000 to merely attend the other's makes me sick to my stomach. And we are the one's that should feel guilty? I think not. I am glad that you guys are sticking to your guns and not alowing his family's selfishness to get you down. I know how hard it is sometimes. At least we know that no matter how small each of our weddings ends up, the people that are there truly love us. That makes it as special as can be. And I am just so thankful for this site. It has truly saved my sanity!!! Happy planning ladies and never forget who's day it is :)



                   



                   



                  #79 MichCraw

                  MichCraw
                  • Jr. Member
                  • 369 posts

                    Posted 19 August 2011 - 09:15 PM

                    Loved your words of encouragment and everything really rang true!!! Especially the last part that " more guests" are nice picture-wise .. but smaller numbers are special.. they truly are the people that love you the most.
                     

                    Originally Posted by AfricanVenus 

                    I forgot all about this thread, lol. So B2Bs, you'll experience everyone being on board at first, only to have the numbers dwindle. Folks will avoid your calls/emails about booking. You'll panic about numbers. But I've learned that those who take those steps to go initially, are who will be there for you. Actions always speak louder than words. We lost the original best man due to his jealousy and his own wedding (which he failed to inform until too late to go anyway). I've stopped speaking to people who just lied about what they were going to do. It really tests your relationships and your mettle. If you have a small wedding, it's all good. You're still married. Enjoy it and don't sweat it. With the lower numbers, your budget may open up! :)

                     

                    In the end, we had 14, including DH and I. While I too was jealous of weddings where there were at least 50 guests, I realized my dream wedding wouldn't have happened with more people. It was just enough and so incredibly intimate. People who never met before got to know each other and everyone got along great! My grampy and auntie flew in from Jamaica, which meant THE WORLD to me. My three best friends were my b-maids. My sister was my MOH. DH's 2 brothers were g-men and one of his good friends from church came to represent as his best man. My DH's stepdad performed the ceremony. It was just very family-oriented and lovely. While more guests look nice picture-wise, there's something about smaller numbers that is really quite special.

                     

                     



                     



                    #80 MichCraw

                    MichCraw
                    • Jr. Member
                    • 369 posts

                      Posted 19 August 2011 - 09:18 PM

                      You did a very wise thing starting this up !!! I have less than 4 months to go ... and the final payment date with the travel agency is this monday ... so I doubt i'll be having any surprises.. especially since the price will no longer be the same if the person books by themselves. I'm happy with the little bunch that we have... 12 total plus FI, myself, & the two kids... and actually i'm "over" when it came to my prediction of how many people would come.. so can't be disappointed about that! Did you have your AHR.. how did that go????
                       

                      Originally Posted by PurpleUnicorn 

                      haha, that was exactly why i started this thread. i discovered this website, while excited to find it at first, i also found i was quite jealous.  On weddingbee.com, i was one of the only DW brides and everyone thought it was so cool i was getting married in Jamaica.  then i came here and saw everyone getting married at fancier, higher star resorts with triple the number of guests!!! i totally felt like an outsider.  So i started this thread and united us all!! I also started a thread for MY resort as no one else had and now all the Sunset Beach brides are trickling out, i love it!

                       

                      when is your wedding again - if i remember correctly, it is not for a while?  so i think your FI still has a chance for people to surprise him.  when i wrote this thread, i was bummed as with 3 months to go, i think i had 11 people?  then we finally got his parents to book (we paid for them and they paid us back after they sold their house after the wedding), and one of my hubby's friends from school surprised us by booking.  He was our one 'unexpected' guest and he was so enthusiastic about our wedding, i loved it!   My hubby also didn't have an official best man. we just had my sister's husband up there with him and that was it.  But he didn't care at all either. i think i cared more than he did.  Basically, i found things have a way of working themselves out and you just have to believe that however and whoever your wedding turns out - that is how it was meant to be and that is what it will be so you will love it no matter what.  In the end, i had 17 - still about half of what we initially expected, but that allowed me to my money elsewhere and also save overall on the reception - I couldn't complain about that!!!

                       

                      BELIEVE ME when i say that ON your wedding day, the ONLY person who NEEDS to be there is you and your FI! that is what makes the day special.  everyone else is a bonus.  
                       



                       



                       






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