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Bummed about my "inactive" groom

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#1 jszy10

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    Posted 09 January 2011 - 08:22 PM

    Hey girls!! Ok, so maybe I'm a little emotional because its about my time of the month..but I got really upset tonight over maybe the littlest thing.  Tonight we were laying in bed and I brought up to my FI about him needing to set aside time to go register for some things with me.  Right away he rolled over and said his good night and I was like "This isn't all just for me, its for you too.  It's for us." His reply is that "it IS all for you" (meaning me) -- and that was that.  Now i'm up out of bed because I can't sleep because I'm really bummed about the fact that he really hasn't helped me with anything so far.  While on some level I feel like some brides would be THRILLED that their FI doesn't "care" about what colors you pick or what centerpiece you want or what pans you want to register for, I really DO care and I really DO want him to be involved. Am I alone here!?


    I have no doubt that this has absolutely no reflection on how he feels about me or the wedding, I KNOW he wants to marry me and I know he's excited about the wedding, he just has no opinions about anything relating to it.  His words to me on multiple occasions -- "I just want to show up..."


    Maybe I should stop worrying or caring so much, but its hard for me!  I just want everything to be perfect for us but he doesn't want to help with anything!  :o(

    #2 jlarruda

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      Posted 09 January 2011 - 09:18 PM

      ffHey jszy,


      My FI is actually inbetween the whole not caring/caring.. I'll ask him things but he flip flops on what he says sometimes, so thats when I know it doesn't really matter ultimately.  As for colors? I'd ask him what he'd think about certain colors, and he actually refused any blue color since the ocean is.  I make sure he gets involved in the big decisions, but overall the little things he doesn't care much about--- and when you think about it, I guess its a good thing.. they want what the day is about, to get married.. the little things shouldn't matter so much.


      To get my FI to be involved a bit more, on our wedding website, we did "our story" together, and tonight I wrote about "bride" and I told him, he has to write his section under "groom".  I guess you have to choose what to really include them in.  I'll talk about what I'm researching/updating.. but do I have his full attention? I doubt it :)


      I wouldn't stress over it, pick your battles and what you think he should really be included in.. and if it continues to really bother you, let him know.  Hope everything goes well.. and be happy, you're planning a destination wedding :)

      #3 jszy10

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        Posted 10 January 2011 - 02:56 AM

        Thanks hun.  I actually wanted to do that :bride/groom section and he said "no way" haha, so we don't have one.  It is actually wierd that he voices his opinion on sometimes the wierdest things.  Like, whenever the mood strikes I guess.  The only real big thing that he voiced his opinion about what that as soon as he knew I could show up in a horse and carriage, it was all he wanted.  and now its the "I picked that, you pick everything else".  Most of the time I do have the "I should be happy, I can pick whatever I want" attitude, but sometimes it does get to me.  I have told him, but he stays strong with the "I told you all I want to do is show up, you take care of the rest".  When it comes down to it, I honestly think he really does believe that this is the woman's day, and since he doesn't care about the small things, I should pick what I want.  I think which my personality type that is just hard for me sometimes.

        #4 TammyWright


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        Posted 10 January 2011 - 09:59 AM

        be thankful....sometimes grooms ideas do not mesh with your vision.

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        #5 jszy10

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          Posted 10 January 2011 - 10:12 AM

          Thank Tammy!  I've been told this before :o)  95% of the time this is my thought!

          Originally Posted by Tammy Host 

          be thankful....sometimes grooms ideas do not mesh with your vision.

          #6 acireta

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            Posted 10 January 2011 - 11:16 AM

            want my groomzilla? he's being picky about the SHADE of blue that we use LOL  

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            #7 jszy10

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              Posted 10 January 2011 - 11:17 AM


              Originally Posted by acireta 

              want my groomzilla? he's being picky about the SHADE of blue that we use LOL  

              haha oh thank you...I needed that.  I'm sorry!!!  I think I will appreciate getting everything I want...

              #8 adales

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                Posted 10 January 2011 - 11:38 AM

                As women, we just have a much better vision of everything and a lot of the time the guys just do want to "show up".  My FI and I went to pick out their tuxes last week so he feels like he is helping with that.  I am also making him pick out the menu (he is the cook in the house).  We did register together and he actually had a really fun time with that.  But for the most part, it is me and my mom doing everything else.  It will all come together and he will appreciate it more than ever when he realizes all the hard work that you heve put into it.

                #9 Melaina

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                  Posted 10 January 2011 - 09:24 PM

                  I went through this too... My solution was to involve him in activities that I knew would interest him (he has an English degree, so I asked him to write the copy for our program... he likes geeky gadgety-things, so I asked him to find our male wedding guests the awesomest gifts ever). The only part where my plot fell through was last week when I asked him to pick out the wedding lingerie -- he couldn't pick what he liked (honestly, I think he liked it all! Haha).


                  Good luck with everything. I know how stressful all the wedding planning can go... Just keep the finish line in sight.

                  #10 Trinci

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                    Posted 14 January 2011 - 10:24 AM

                    Ladies, I hear what you are saying.  I really do.  As a wedding DJ for 10 years, I have seen a lot.  I understand that there are guys out there who are not interested in the wedding process, but I really believe that a lot of that is due to the way weddings have always been presented.  The wedding day should be looked at as both of you celebrating/displaying the love you have for each other in front of all your close family and friends?  This is the first major thing you'll be doing as you become "man and wife", and it sets the stage for how you potentially work together as a team in the future.  By letting your FI sit this one out, you're basically giving him a license to not have to participate in all the things he doesn't really want to be a part of in marriage.  I believe that If you tell your guy that the wedding is really just putting on a huge party where you get to pick out a fun place have it, fantastic food, personalized drinks, fancy transportation, a customized playlist for the DJ and much more, he'll begin to see the light.  It's really sad to me that most of the industry really downplays the role of the groom, so it's no wonder that most guys are just not that interested.  This is why we recently launched a website just for guys.  The most "to the point" resource for grooms that not only speaks their language, but at the same time lifts up the wedding process and marriage.  It's called The Groom's List.  I highly suggest you send him there!  http://thegroomslist.com 

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