Janet, loved reading it from your perspective! See, your considerations were wonderful, and having had close male friends myself, I can definitely relate. My FI is an amazing man, don't get me wrong. But there was a loooot of conversations where I had to explain to him how I felt, why I felt that way, how it was perceived to me, etc. He just didn't get it/didn't see it until I explained it all to him. And, I explained to him as well that once we got serious, my guy friends all backed off.
Everyone who's met her all say she's nuts. lol "...but have you met her? She's NUTSO!"
We did talk about the Indy trip. I can't recall exact wording bc it was days ago, but basically, I asked if she was going. He said he wasn't sure. I said it's totally cool with me if she does go, but he needs to know that her feelings for him have been confirmed. Thus, might be a good time to judge how she acts around us (mainly him) and if the message that she needs to back off doesn't seem clear, then it would be an opportune time for him to set her straight. Otherwise... I would. As it's his friendship, he gets first dibbs on making things right (setting boundaries, making decisions about her invite, etc.). But as his fiancee, I get second dibbs so I can make a final settlement when his overly nice nature doesn't work.
We still don't know if she's going, but I guess we'll see soon enough! As for guest list stuff... home girl didn't make the cut for either Cancun or AHR. Once again, FI's call, not mine!