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Shocked and Sad and Pissy

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#1 sascolo

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    Posted 23 December 2010 - 10:38 AM

    The future in laws just invited us for a special early xmas dinner to spend some quality time with us. At the end of the meal fmil blurted out that they can't afford to come to the wedding. She is in real estate and I get that it has been slow but her husband works. Also this was after she just showed us her new floors. So the fianc© is so hurt. None of his three brothers are coming either. What's wrong with these people? I have a small family and no siblings and the uncle, mom and friends are all coming. All his family is coming for Xmas eve and I'm really struggling. If the fmil doesn't come then her sister won't come then grandma won't come! Etc. I want to lock the doors and not be here when his selfish family shows up Xmas eve expecting dinner.

    #2 acireta

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      Posted 23 December 2010 - 12:23 PM

      Oh wow, I'm so sorry for you and your FI. What a crappy situation, especially at the holidays when we're all basically forced to see family.


      I always hear people say how smaller DWs are so special and intimate. And regardless of who is there with you, yall will come home rested, relaxed, and MARRIED! I know that doesn't necessarily make it okay that his family can't be there, but I hope you guys can overcome this situation together :-)

      Erica & Al - April 3, 2012 - St. Thomas, USVI

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      #3 islandbride8

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        Posted 23 December 2010 - 12:40 PM

        I would wait until everyone's stress level returns to normal after the holidays and then talk to them with your fiance.  Hopefully they will see how much this means to the two of you and how hurt you are and they will make the necessary financial adjustments in order to come to your wedding.  If not, they will live to regret missing out on this milestone.  Keep your head high! 

        #4 adcarter41

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          Posted 23 December 2010 - 01:03 PM

          I have the same situation. I was upset at first but I'm over it now. Just remember it's about the 2 of you and no one else.

          #5 ACDCDCAC

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          Posted 23 December 2010 - 01:23 PM

          :( that really stinks. when is your wedding? i agree, maybe after the pinch of the holidays wear off, they will be more open to saving/planning for it.


          is there any way you guys could help them out? maybe buy one of the tickets?

          #6 hamme

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            Posted 24 December 2010 - 06:04 AM

            I'm so sorry you have to go through that. My aunt is the same way as your fmil- she will renovate her house but wont get her husband and daughter health insurance- then complains they have no money. It's so frustrating but she is an adult and has to make these decisions for herself.


            I'm praying for you today in hopes that you and your fi enjoy this beautiful holiday knowing you will be married soon!!! Just focus on having a great time today and let the stress of the holiday make everyone else crazy.


            We are here for you girlie!

            #7 schmizer

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              Posted 25 December 2010 - 04:07 PM

              Wishing you the best at getting through all of this!  Family can be sooooo complicated and frustrating.


              Your wedding day will be what you make it to be!  You and your FI will weather the storm (no matter how dark the clouds may seem right now) and it will bring you that much closer!


              Any the girls are right.. you still have time!  Maybe a heart to heart with the IL's and your fiance will change their minds...

              #8 Tennyt1

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                Posted 25 December 2010 - 04:58 PM

                I'm in a similar situation...find out how you FI feels before you react.....Are you having an AHR..if so I'm sure they will participate in that.  We are not having an AHR..and at this point who ever comes with us comes.  Who ever can't make it is ok too.  This is a day that symbolized my life with my FI.  When we are at home alone....none of those people will be there.  I hope that helps


                ~April 2, 2011 ~ Sandals Grand Ocho Rios ~
                ~52 Guest booked plus the Bride & Groom~

                #9 bmadzia1

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                  Posted 29 December 2010 - 09:12 AM

                  we had a similar situation with my FIs mom.  She's on permenant worker's comp leave, and we know the amount of cash wasn't overflowing her account. We gave almost two year notice for a DW wedding, and 1.5 year for actual destination.  We suggested we pay the deposit... but in the end, she said she has a year to pay off the ticket. She is not missing her ONLY son's wedding.  For me it's really weird to hear that some mothers can just up and say" Can't afford it"....


                  Realisticly speaking, by the time you do your hair, nails, etc, buy a dress, shoes, etc give a bridal shower gift, wedding gift, you're only a couple hundred shy of the trip cost. 

                  #10 spark

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                    Posted 05 January 2011 - 12:01 PM

                    Hey I'm glad and sad that there are others out there that are going through the same thing.  One of my FI's sisters actually suggested that we change our destination location because almost everyone has been to hawaii before.  I understand it's not the most convenient to go to a destination wedding but I feel like the family is missing the whole reason for one.  The intimate and tight atmosphere of family is such a beautiful thing.  I have been trying to be understanding of all the complaints and chatter about money and cost of the trip.  I know how you feel, it completely ruins the moment for you and your special day.  Keep your head up and if you can help with money at least suggest that, my finance and I are paying for both our parents flight and accommodations.  That seems to have quieted most of his 5 sisters.....

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