Dealing with family...
Posted 21 August 2007 - 05:54 AM
I am really trying hard not to let the guilt over making people spend so much on "my" big day, not get to me, but it is taking it's toll and I would love to hear how other DW brides have handled this. Basically when I first told them I was planning a destination wedding they seemed excited, but now all I get are calls telling me how they can't afford it and that I should look into doing it somewhere else (aka going home where they all are) and the keep sending me ridiculous prices they obtained for flights (which of course they are ridiculous, it is too early to get deals on flights!!!! which I keep telling them) and now are going as far as trying to do research on their own to "find me a cheaper place to get married"..... AAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! We have put so much work into this and no one seems to appreciate that. We are trying to get the best deals for everyone, and are not bullying ANYone of our guest into coming... but this is my FAMILY!!! I am not asking for them to help out with ANY of the cost of the wedding, we are doing it all ourselves, I just want them to put forth the effort of making it to the ceremony, or flat out tell me they aren't coming rather than trying to RE-PLAN the wedding we have worked so hard on!!!!
Thank God for Myles, he has really been supportive through this, but I am really stating to feel like an evil selfish person for ever expecting people to spend so much just to come and see me get married.
Please!!! If any of you have had similiar experiences with your family, how did you handle it?
Posted 21 August 2007 - 06:33 AM
What they are doing is absolutely and ridiculously inconsiderate and I would let them know that. Don't for one minute consider changing your plans for anyone - mom, dad, grandma, etc. You are not evil or selfish for wanting to plan your wedding, they are evil and selfish for trying to plan your wedding. Sometimes it's more about Aunt Mary being bitter that nobody ever wanted to marry her, or cousin Jane being envious that she got married at city hall and didn't think to do something as cool as a DW, so they turn into haters instead of supporters, get a few other people all riled up, then next thing you know there is a small group of haters. For whatever reason they are hating, don't let anyone steal your sunshine or try to "help" you replan anything.
Handle it by keeping the whole reason you are planning anything in the forefront of your mind - you love and want to marry Myles. Period. That's it and that's all. It's about you two and what you want and everyone else can kick rocks. The people that come are the people that are supposed to be there. Don't cater to anyone but Myles, as he would cater to you. That's it!!! Thank your lucky stars for the people who won't go, you don't want to pay for those ingrates to eat and drink anyway!
Hang in there )
- shellsal likes this
Posted 21 August 2007 - 08:11 AM
P.S. Thank god our hotel is all inclusive, I have a feeling I will be spending a lot of time at the bar.
Posted 21 August 2007 - 08:22 AM
we are also going through something similar. everyone was excited and happy and now that they are talking with 'other' family members, they all have opinions, requests, comments, you name it.
i feel your frustration but you have put all of this work into what you both want to do. as long as you don't demand anyone go or put guilt on people that decide it's too expensive, they hate to fly, are bitter, etc... then you should not feel bad AT ALL!
keep pressing forward and hope it passes! i am cheering for you
Posted 21 August 2007 - 08:37 AM
- atennille likes this
Posted 21 August 2007 - 08:48 AM
Posted 21 August 2007 - 08:59 AM
Seriously, I say to just ignore it, especially if it hasn't been too long since you announced the DW... We've had our fair share of the same thing---- hell, our best man is the one trying to get us to move the wedding some place closer (ie cheaper) and he's gone so far as to have one of his buddies from the UFC call us to tell us about the super great fabulous deal he and his fiancee got for a DW in Acapulco! Then, we had the aunt who wrote me a nasty letter trying to guilt me about having a DW when my dad's health was so poor and my parents wouldn't be able to attend. And FI's sister who wouldn't speak to us at our engagement party after she found out we were having a DW instead of getting married in "her" cathedral downtown. And on and on it goes....
Weddings bring out the worst in people. I, personally, think most of the people who bitch are just wanting to freeload on a 4-hour drinking binge anyways...
But if you weather the rough spots, you'll find out who really cares because they'll be the ones with you for your wedding. Until the storm blows over, just hang onto the ones who aren't bitching---- they'll keep you sane...
Posted 21 August 2007 - 09:08 AM
Posted 21 August 2007 - 10:01 AM
DO WHAT YOU WANT AND DON'T SECOND GUESS YOURSELF!!!! You will pull through! Then it might come up again and again, you will pull through! It might not seem like it but you will!
Posted 21 August 2007 - 12:37 PM
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