I was curious about this as well. Personally, I think it just depends on your situation, what works for you, and what you're comfortable with. Everyone's situation is different, so I don't believe you should be bound by all that. Besides, if we were all completely traditional and rule abiding, would we be getting married in random destinations?! lol
For me, we're getting married on 11/1/11. We initially wanted to have an AHR on 11/11/11. However, that's just prob not gonna happen. For starters, we're thinking about extending our stay to include a honeymoon, so we'd barely be getting back a couple days before the 11th. So, we've decided to instead just have a small, nice dinner in Texas for my family, a nice dinner in either Vancouver/Captiva/Chicago for his family, then a big fun party in LA for our friends. So, we're going to be separating everything out probably over the course of a few months. The other thing is we'd like to have our pictures ready for the dinners to show our friends and family. So.. that's that. Hope this was more helpful than it was confusing! haha
Good luck planning, do what makes you happy!