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Alyssa

vent: thinking about eloping...

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mrs.B 2008 View Post

and maria - we have been telling people for a little over a month?


I say, give it another couple months. Things will die down quite a bit as people get used to the idea...

It's kind of like dealing with 4-year olds: If they think they're being told what to do, they're going to stomp their feet, cry and throw a hissy fit and tell you NO, you can't make them!!! If you use simple, fun, exciting words to convey what you're doing, they'll eventually come around and go along with it.

As the idea sinks in, the people who actually care and really *want* to be there (no matter what they think they can/can't do), will start looking into it as an option. The more they look, the more excited they'll become. Eventually, they'll get on board with the plan.

Some won't get on board, regardless of what you do--- and my idea for them is this: don't invite them. If they ask why, tell them it's because they bitched so much it sucked the fun out of it for you, and if that was their behavior before the wedding, then damned if you were going to deal with their behavior the day of!!!

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thanks to all of you for the advice, kind words and sarcastic comments which made me laugh!

 

smile03.gif

 

i will keep you posted as i go though my nervous breakdown from this ... just kidding!

 

we will keep eloping as an option but press forward and see what happens!

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Quote:
Originally Posted by MikkiStreak View Post

It's kind of like dealing with 4-year olds: If they think they're being told what to do, they're going to stomp their feet, cry and throw a hissy fit and tell you NO, you can't make them!!! If you use simple, fun, exciting words to convey what you're doing, they'll eventually come around and go along with it.
I do think that often the natural instinct is to dissaprove of something that isn't traditional. Even before really understanding the situation. Maybe it sounds too complicated. I also think some people instantly thought Mexican border town (although I went to wedding there that was nice). That's why I told people with the website full of exciting things to do in mexico & all the info they needed to know it would be a simple & fun trip. The response was all positive. Well, maybe some people have complained about me secretly, but I don't think those would be people who are going. And they'd find something to complain about anyway no matter what I did. You could have a traditional wedding in a hall next door to them & they'd find something to complain about.

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I think that you and FI have to decide what you want.

 

Is it important to you that a lot of people go?

Are they all from the east coast?

Would you rather it just be the two of you?

 

We live on the east coast and as much as I want to go to hawaii some day, I don't think I'll go for less than 1 1/2 to 2 weeks, because its soooooo much travel time. I wouldn't go if I could only go for 4 days, but you know your friends & families financial situations better than I do, so if you think they can afford a longer stay, then thats great!

 

It really depends what you want. We got a lot of slack to, but we're excited about going to mexico and don't care what anyone else thinks. None of FI's family are coming, but some of his friends are, my family is coming, but none of my friends. In some ways it does bother me that my friends aren't coming, but we look at it like too bad, they'll miss a good time and then we'll rub all of our pictures in their faces, lol! Thats so mean, but anyway, you get my point.

 

Do whats best for you and what fits with what you want your wedding to be.

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I firmly believe we (as brides and grooms) have every right to do whatever we want on our wedding day. And, if there is no monetary help being offered from family, they should shut their traps. (We've been on our own far too long to have expected any help from the folks).

 

Sure, elope. I'm all for it! And it's up to you if you tell the family or not You can do a Symbolic Ceremony back home and let the grumpy family in on the elopment ... or not and let them think they won the battle.

 

The wedding is about YOU TWO -- and while I completely understand that having family be there to witness it, you both have to decide what is most important to you!

 

Good LUCK!!!

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I agree with everyone else...I have been through it and as Glenda said most of us have I think. If you do what others want...you won't have your day and it's not fair...you have to think about yourselves!!!

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What is wrong with being selfish on your wedding day? All your life you have or will be thinking about other people's needs before your own. This day, your wedding day, is your opportunity to have the day youv'e always dreamed of. Do what you want to do!!

 

Jay and I eloped and we don't regret it at all! What was most important to us was that we were able to focus totally on each other during the first day of our marriage and that got married where we wanted and how we wanted. That wasn't going to happen if we included everyone. Luckily we had very little drama and most of our family understoood and thought it was very romantic. Like an elopement book I read said...very rarely does romance include large groups. Plus...you can "do it" whenever you want on your wedding day!! lol. It's true though!

 

Eloping is not for everyone though. You and your FI should figure out what is most important to you and go from there. Sounds like the location is very important and sounds like your folks are game so go for it! Stick to your guns and live your dream. Miserable people will be miserable no matter what you do. Good luck!

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I do not think you are being selfish. It is your wedding and however you choose to celebrate it is between the two of you.

 

With that in mind, the two of you may need to decide early on what's most important to you. Is your dream location the most important factor? Or is having a location that is affordable for your guests to attend? For us, it was the latter. We wanted our family and friends to be able to attend so we considered this while picking our locale. We tried to consider their traveling costs and found times that worked best for most people. For example, a lot of people had spring break off from work/school so we chose spring break for our wedding date.

 

This was our preference though and definitely not a rule that everyone must follow....obviously. You make your own rules. Follow your heart and decide what works best for the two of you.

 

Hawaii is a little far for 4 days since a majority of 2 days will be spent travelling but some guests may spend a whole week there- most of my guests have decided to spend a whole week for my wedding! I wish you luck. Hang in there but don't let the pressures get you down. The negativity will be there no matter what type of wedding you choose to have. People just like to bitch in general.

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I would make a list of the people that you really want at your wedding and ask their opinion... but making it clear that you will decide ! As for the rest of the family, either they join you with a smile or they don't come!

 

This is your day, your wedding so your decision!

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