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5 months to go and bridesmaid bails (along with other guests!)

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#1 Jules23

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  • 182 posts

    Posted 31 October 2010 - 10:44 AM

    Hey everyone,


    By the looks of previous "venting" threads, this doesnt seem to be an unusal topic. One of my best friends who was my third bridesmaid just bailed on us. Her excuse was because her husband couldnt make it and she didnt want to go without him. However, I think it has to do with finances and shes just using that as another excuse. The sad part is I have been engaged for over a year and she said "yes" to being a bridesmaid and was confirmed for a whole YEAR and now decides to back out. I dont even know what to say to her right now, its almost like it has hurt our friendship. Also, I do not even know who I could ask to be our third bridesmaid now. I feel like its so late minute and I dont want them to feel like a "replacement". 


    Also, just wanted to make another added touch that everyone else always yes "yes, of course we'll be there" but then when it comes time to pay your deposit, they back out. 


    At this point I have a two sided opinon a) I accept the fact if they cant afford to go to the wedding but B) I almost feel like boycotting them for telling us this whole time they'll be there and then they back out last minute! I guess it takes a destination wedding to see who your "real" friends are! GEESH. 


    Let me know if anyone else is having this problem and what your doing! 

    #2 DeAngelis2be

    • Jr. Member
    • 349 posts

      Posted 31 October 2010 - 12:03 PM

      Hi Jules 23,


      I'm sorry sorry to hear about your bridesmaid backing out. Why don't the 2 of you go out to for coffee and talk about it. Are there any other singles attending the wedding that she could share a room with? That would help her with expenses and give her the opportunity to be apart of your special day. You should explain to her exactly what you said above and let her know how you feel. If it's more of financial reasons, maybe you could offer to help her out with some of the expenses.


      Hopefully everything will work out.

      #3 lesee

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      • 320 posts

        Posted 06 March 2011 - 12:13 PM

        Same thing happened to me - we've been telling people for 2 years about our plans and to save their $$. However, my one and only bridesmaid decided to go to Maui last October because "we hadn't chosen a date yet" and "they can't put their lives on hold for us" - long story short, because they went to Maui, they now can't come to the wedding. And then she tried to twist it into my fault as we didn't give them enough notice and we shouldn't ask them to spend so much $$ even tho my FI and spent way above what she and her husband would be spending a few years ago when we went to HER WEDDING IN MAUI.

        #4 bmadzia1

        • Jr. Member
        • 355 posts

          Posted 07 March 2011 - 07:43 AM

          When we decided on DW, we knew the risks we're taking with regards to our guests coming and/or backing out last minute.  Sometimes people won't admit they will not go because of $ issues so they will give you another excuse.  I know, that it is hard on us the brides (one of my BF is not coming cause she accidently got pregnant, and I am very uncertain about my MOH who says she's coming but I'll believe it when she has paid her ticket).  In the beginning I was heart broken about the comments etc, but then we KNEW that it's going to be pricey and some of close friends may not come for one reason or another.   I know that it's hurtful to be in such situations, but i think you have to get past it. You can't make people go and if they cannot or do not want to be part of your special day that is their loss.  Remember, you are getting married to you man, not your friends :) 

          #5 lesee

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          • 320 posts

            Posted 07 March 2011 - 07:49 AM

            You are absolutely right! i guess in my situation it sucked because priorites were different but ultimately, she's my friend, I love her to bits - my FI and I wanted a very small wedding and that's what we're getting- it was disappointing to not have my friend there but she is still a "honorary bridesmaid" - I chose my 2 sisters after my friend backed out.

            #6 merrylee

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            • 687 posts

              Posted 07 March 2011 - 06:54 PM

              I haven't had anyone officially back out of going, but I haven't had anyone officially book yet either.  FI and I put down the deposit for the group booking because everyone said how of course we'll put down the $200.00 to hold the room.  We are definitely going to be there.  Blah!  No one has confirmed

              #7 mochamakes3

              • Sr. Member
              • 1,917 posts

                Posted 07 March 2011 - 07:09 PM

                It does happen a lot. Too often. If someone asked me to be a part of their wedding I would upfront from the beginning if I knew I couldn't attend for whatever reason. One of my BM's backed out too when she got pregnant, but I was already half expecting her to do so for financial reasons. I too felt guilty about asking someone else to stand in, so I am just having my BF MoH and sister as BM.


                Merrylee, you still have over a year! Don't worry. 

                #8 lmarie

                • Jr. Member
                • 211 posts

                  Posted 09 March 2011 - 05:49 PM

                  I'm sorry that all of you ladies are going through all of these problems or issues with your friends. I am going through it too. All of the things you ladies have mentioned and some other things as well. Its very sad and disappointing isnt it? My wedding is 5 months away and I have people lying to get out of going, saying they cant afford it, but they can afford their own vacations every year, and to renovate their house right now and all these other things. People who wont even speak to me, I'm assuming its because they dont want to tell me that they are not going. I'm not going to be mad if someone really  cant afford to go, but lying to me and avoiding the subject is not the right way to go about it.

                  Its nice to know that you can come on here and talk to others who are going through the same things :)

                  #9 Samantha88k

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                  • 244 posts

                    Posted 10 March 2011 - 11:36 AM

                    I have had the same issue with a bridesmaid backing out after saying yes months prior and wanting to book early to save $$. She told me it was because her and her husband couldn't afford it yet I found out recently that they are planning to either have a baby the same month of my wedding (I'm a little over a year out) or purchase a home. I guess I didn't expect people to be so quick to say yes and then months later back out after. I also agree that if people would be honest in the first place it would be easier to accept. In my case I know my friend so well that I knew when she told me it was because of finances I wasn't getting the whole story.

                    #10 shan0487

                    • Sr. Member
                    • 1,393 posts
                    • Wedding Date:November 23, 2012
                    • Wedding Location:Sun Palace & Moon Palace- Cancun, MX
                    • LocationSt Louis, MO

                    Posted 10 March 2011 - 12:09 PM

                    I'm sorry to hear this.  I haven't bugan planning yet, but i know I will run into these problems as well.  If possible, I am not going to pick my wedding party until everyone that I want to be in it has paid their initial deposit.  Once they have paid, then I will ask them.  I hope that will work.  I also want to emphasis that we would love everyone to come but know that is not possible due financial issues.  Hopefully if I tell people up front to let me know right away, it will go smoother.  Fingers crossed!!!

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