Out Come the Crazies

[AfricanVenus]

I'm excited to be marrying in Mexico. My FI and I wanted a small gathering of our nearest and dearest, and planned to keep everything hush-hush until the date drew nearer. Then we'd invite those who we knew couldn't attend (and we couldn't afford to have) to an AHR. However, since we became engaged, I've discovered weddings bring out the crazy in people! Here are just a few:

 

1) Random 31-yr-old church member stops me and in a child's voice (literally, looking sheepish and all) asks me to choose her to be in my bridal party! Might be an option if you ever met my FI, lol. This member loves weddings. The last 3 or so that have taken place in our church, she's been bridesmaids in ALL of them! She somehow convinces the brides to let her be in it, even though she hasn't known them for long. Still, you might ask, why not? Because she has the nerve in the pictures to look mad, lol. Don't want that energy. Now I'm put in the awkward position of whether or not to invite her, and her husband who she demanded would be attending with her! Again, my FI doesn't feel comfy around him either. Oh, and the other hitch? She's my pastor's daughter, who I do plan on inviting....yea, HELP!

 

2) People keep inviting themselves to our wedding, because they're misconstruing the event as a vacation. This irks me beyond words! Let ME invite you. Not you telling me you're coming.

 

3) People who are invited guests want to add plus ones. We simply can't afford it. On top of that, they're trying to invite people we don't care for as their guests. Oh vey...

 

4) People "helping" me plan my wedding by suggesting, not so subtly, that their child be a flower girl or so forth. Great. Another awkward conversation about how NO children are permitted at the wedding....

 

5) Those who are in the bridal party claiming they won't arrive until the day of the wedding. Um, yea...I specifically said you had to be there the day before for the rehearsal...here we go again.

 

So yea. This is my wedding planning vent. I'm laughing to keep myself from crying or going off, lol. Any advice for the above is welcome!

[BachataBride]

Definitely a lot of tricky situations there! As for the flower girl thing. Are you going to an adults only? That might be something you want to look into so ensure no kids at your wedding. And with your invited guests inviting uninvited guests - you cannot control who goes on vacation where...but you CAN control who attends your wedding. Just simply let those guests know that due to your budget, only people who have been specifically invited by you are able to attend the days events. Express that there will NOT be a chair set up for them at the ceremony, nor will there be a seat for them at the reception. And for the people inviting themselves, gratiously tell them you are having a small intimate affair & you wish they could attend, but your budget simply doesn't allow it & thank them for wanting to share in that special day with you. Let them know that there will be an AHR that you would love for them to attend.

 

Hope this helps! Good luck!

[AfricanVenus]

The majority of my guests don't have children, and the ones who do have already been told. My hotel does allow kids, but I don't see it being a problem for my day. I'll make sure the WC cordones off our area if anything, lol. All you've suggested is great, since that's what I've done. Good to be on the right track! Thanks.

[islandbride8]

Wow.  Okay, no one has asked to be in my bridal party.  I do understand the whole people inviting themselves deal.  I haven't even sent out STD's and I already have people booking at the resort!!!

My advice would be to pick your battles.  My guess is that most people don't know a lot about DW's and they probably don't mean to step on your shoe's by assuming they're invited.  People don't realize the cost associated with it and they each person who comes is another mouth to feed (I know that sounds awful, but when it comes down to it, it's the truth).

 

Your pastor's daughter has put you in a very uncomfortable situation.  I can't even imagine!!!! Don't compromise your wishes for your Happily Ever After just to appease her.  It will probably be awkward but I would pull her aside and talk to her 1-1.  Explain that you're planning a smaller wedding and bridal party (even if you're not) because it's a DW.  Tell her you are flattered she would want to stand by you on your day, but that you already have asked people to fill that role.  It's not going to be comfortable to tell her this, but I think this would be easier on you than stressing the whole time and ending up with her standing up there with you.  (People sure do have some nerve!)

 

As far as the bridal party arriving the day of... Forget it!  There's no way they should put that stress on you.  I would express that if anyone is unable to arrive at least the day before your wedding that you would love to have them as a guest, but will not be able to keep them in the bridal party.  IDK what time your wedding will be, but flights probably don't get there until early afternoon. by the time they get to the resort and get checked-in, before even starting to get ready, the day will be almost over!  People should not be rushing around because they got there late.  I think you will feel very stressed if this is the case, and I do think this is a battle you should choose to fight!

 

 

Congratulations and GOOD LUCK with the many twists and turns of wedding planning!

[Monique]

I would elope!  Or start channeling your inner BRIDEZILLA and set boundaries for everyone.

 

 As far as the wedding party not arriving until the day of....I wuld let them know that's it not acceptable in a firm yet gentle and caring voice that you need to to arrive the day before at the latest!

 

You definitely can't have people who don't care for you at your wedding...no bad/negative vibes on your special day...just tell them NO right out...how rude! 

 

As for the guest inviting themselves...you should say "Oh you're going to be there?  How nice...we're getting married there, maybe we'll see you around!" Or you can just smile and act as if you didn't hear them!  that always works! (They'll be too offended to want to come).

 

This is the main reason we scaled down to no bridal party and not inviting anyone outside of our super tight circle and everyone was sworn to secrecy or face being beheaded! So they kept their mouths shut!

 

Good luck...and remember that this is suppose to be special and thus stressfree...if it becomes to much I say run off with your super tight cirlce and elope!!!

 

[AfricanVenus]

You guys are great. You have me cracking up reading your responses. Monique, I love the "How rude!" comment a la Stephanie Tanner from Full House, lol. Everything is a matter of grace and style in dealing with these things. I've learned that not everyone is going to be happy and it's not my role to make everybody happy. I've done what you've all said about my wedding party. I have stressed over and over the need to be there the day before. If they can't, they chill as a guest, no biggie. I think why it was so perturbing is because this was coming from the best man!

 

I'm with you Monique on keeping it to the closest of close. It's just hard, because even though we tried to keep the engagement quiet, people started finding out anyway and I underestimated how much people care about me. I've always been a private person and think marriage is a serious thing. I've seen how catty people can get about how someone does their wedding (come on, we're ALL guilty). So, in my eyes, I wanted no one but the people who really kenw me to know. Unfortunately, it looks like snobbery and like I don't want to share my joy with people who I know mean well, but I can't afford to have come.

 

It's a fine tight rope walk, but I'm praying that the Lord will give me wisdom, and He has. My mom suggested I do it my way (close fam and friends), and then invite all those who want to come, but weren't invited, to the AHR so they can see the pics and video. That's the only way I can deal with it all really..

[Monique]

African Venus,

 

You have to do what's going to work and it woulds like you've come up with a pretty good plan...as a matter of fact we're doing the same thing....we've invited 10-15 people to attend and decided we would invite the bigger group to the AHR...with the wedding photos/videos playing on a screen so they can feel apart of it...besides all people really want is some good food, great music and an awesome time... without all the nit picking and drama...at the end of the day who cares as long as you did it your way!  Besides what's a wedding without leaving them with something to talk about!