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Future MIL Issues! Bridal Showers...

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#1 CancunBride07

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    Posted 16 August 2007 - 12:31 PM

    So I answered a phone call from my future MIL and she wanted some address information for a shower her friends are throwing for me...and then I (mistakenly) mention how my work friends are having a small shower for me at a local restaurant. It was only around ten people, all co-workers. Well, she immediately says "What?! And I'M not invited?!" ...of course I'm thinking "Uh oh...".
    So I let her know that it is just something small, that my Mom was not going to be there either (which my Mom was fine with), please don't take it personally. Well, of course she does and starts’ yelling at me about how tacky, rude it is to have a bridal shower and not invite both Moms’. Is that so?? I have been reading the Emily Post books, and asking questions and that doesn't always seem to be the case. Maybe a little old fashioned?

    She continues to yell about how tacky and rude my friends are, and that this is about two families coming together, while I'm trying to apologize and explain I had nothing to do with the planning of this.

    Well, to make matters worse she just started Chemo treatments for Lymphoma. This conversation took place the same week as her treatment. So I know she has a lot on her mind right now and isn't feeling her best.
    It get's a little messy, because then she call's my Fiancé and starts telling him that I was rude and raised my voice to her (and I didn’t).

    This was a week ago, and she has not tried to talk to me since then. She has talked to Seth and mentioned that she "felt bad" for yelling at me.

    Well, that all took place on a Thursday. On Monday I pick up my invites from the Calligrapher and she insist Seth bring their's over that day so she can look at them. The first thing she wants to know is why her and his fathers names aren't on there ( my parents are paying for everything) so she has to go and pull out all of her friends children's wedding invites and compare until she finds one that also doesn't have the groom's names on there (Whew!).

    I'll leave it at that for now, sorry so long!! But the saga continues

    #2 starchild



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      Posted 16 August 2007 - 12:41 PM

      What a nightmare! There is no reason she she be invited to a work shower, your mom gets that, it's nothing personal. It sucks that she's sick because now there is this thing where you need to be respectful of what she's going through and may not feel as free to tell her she's a loon. She was wrong for shouting and you and trying to make you feel bad.

      I see one redeeming factor, however, and that is that she mentioned she felt bad. Even though she hasn't said it to you, it proves she isn't probably isn't completely soul-less like some evil FMILs are (or else she's really warped and is lying to her son). It still seems she has some petty qualities and I hope her son can help to work out those kinks :o)

      #3 StephanieMN

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        Posted 16 August 2007 - 12:43 PM

        Oh you poor thing! She isn't supposed to be invited to all the showers. That is just plain silly of her to assume such things. It really sucks that you are having to deal with this odd stress.

        #4 Alyssa

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          Posted 16 August 2007 - 12:44 PM

          Whoa! that sounds stressful. sorry to pry - is she usually tempermental or do you think she is just really stressed out from the cancer?

          #5 Spazz

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            Posted 16 August 2007 - 12:54 PM

            Sorry to hear you're going through all that. There is no reason she needs to be invited to your work shower, I wouldn't worry about that. Maybe it's just her being sick, or at least I hope that's the reason, that she's being like this. I know it's not your fault at all, but maybe you could be the bigger person and go talk to her first and try to work through things? What does your FI say about all of it?

            #6 saraece

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              Posted 16 August 2007 - 01:12 PM

              Not that you need another reply, but a work shower is a work shower. You don't even usually hang out with (or even like) all your co workers, why on earth would you force your mothers to go to it?? But I bet in this case knowing that you are in the right doesn't help much. No one like conflicts with their MIL's. Try your best to get through it.
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              #7 Jackie

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                Posted 16 August 2007 - 01:22 PM

                AHHHH, isnt family wonderful. It definitly seems that you get to know a lot more about some of your family members as soon as the wedding planning begins.

                So sorry to hear about the drama, just try and keep it low key on your end and hopefully others will at least notice that it is NOT you, she might also be concentrating a lot on your wedding because she is scared about other things that are going on in her life too. Good luck!
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                #8 LCBride2007


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                  Posted 16 August 2007 - 01:36 PM

                  OMG this woman is a mess - sick or not, that's no excuse to behave like she did. was this the first glimpse you've seen of the evil side? it's very common to have showers w/just friends, or a certain group of people - like co-workers. it's not true at all that you (or your co-workers) were being rude.

                  this woman sounds like a complete control freak. and then the invites? wow - she's got issues.

                  #9 Heidi

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                    Posted 16 August 2007 - 01:45 PM

                    oh wow....I'm so sorry you're going through that right now! I'm very sorry to hear about her illness, but there is NO excuse for her to be talking to you like that.
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                    #10 RaydensMama

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                      Posted 16 August 2007 - 01:49 PM

                      I cant believe that! Honestly your MIL needs to grow up! An office shower is nowhere near the same as a family shower so there is no need at all for her to be invited, and you should not have her name on the invite if she is not paying. Thats tradition! I would not apologize to her for your behaviour because you have done nothing wrong. She needs to grow up!

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