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jaimeLe318

Advice on Bridesmaid dilemma

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I first planned on having a traditional wedding in my hometown but realized it wasn't for me. I had already asked my bridal party to be in the wedding. Obviously, I realize that not all of my girls will be able to make it... However, here's my problem....

One of my best friend who agreed to be a bridesmaid is claiming she won't come to the wedding because she will not fly. I drove her to the airport 3 years ago to fly to Florida to see her now-fiance. All the sudden it comes time for my wedding and she claims she WILL not fly to my wedding in Punta Cana. The worst part is that I am in her wedding in a month in Florida (she is driving of course). My fiance and I are going to florida for 4 days, we paid over 300 dollars each for our plane tickets plus 3 nights in a hotel. Whenever I bring up anything about my wedding she is not interested in knowing a thing about it because she doesn't plan on going AT ALL. She said to me "well I thought you were having it here..." Does anyone else think it's completely rude of her to not be in my wedding when I am in hers and am going out of my way for her wedding????

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The only reason I think it may be rude is that she flew a while ago to see her boyfriend. Have you mentioned to her that you don't really understand why she won't fly because you know she has flown before?

 

Otherwise, if she's being that stubborn about it, I don't think there's much you'll be able to do and you'll have to just accept that she won't come.

 

I don't think you can compare it to you going to hers, because it's not the money that she's using as an excuse.

 

I think we all know that we'll upset/leave out some people because of our choice to have a DW. It's upsetting when it's someone you're really close to, but if they're going to be awkward, then you're better off without them.

 

Are you having an AHR? Can she be BM at that?

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I think niajs has a solid point, If your BM has you stressed out your better off w/o her.. Arn't they to help relive stress from the bride?.. Try not to give it too much thought & try to go on with your plans w/o her.. maybe she'll come around & realize you would really like her there to celebrate with you.. maybe her fiance has a suggestion as too how to get her to come.. maybe an ativan for the flight? I hope you can resolve this and enjoy both weddings. Cheers!~

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I understand your annoyance, I'd be pretty ticked off myself.  I totally understand if someone can't (or won't) come to the wedding..  Who knows what her reasons are, it is pretty strange though if you ask me, but I don't know her.  What I would honestly do in your situation is leave it alone, do your BM duties are her wedding, and just move on.  Is it ideal?  No.  But you cannot make someone be part of your wedding if they don't want to.  I know it hurts, but once you explain it to her, that's all you can really do.

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When I brought up the fact that she has flown before she said "well I haven't flown since..." and went on about how she wants to be able to control her death and you can't do that when you are on an airplane ?!?!?! I would just expect a good of friend as she is to atleast care about things going on for my wedding even if she isn't coming but she doesn't.

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Sorry to hear you are having difficulties. But I would have to agree with the girls, it's not worth your stress. Concentrate on those people who are willing and able to make the journey to join you, and enjoy them and their company. As rude as it seems for her to not return the favor of being your BM, there is no rule to it. If she says no, move on. Plan your wedding with your other girls and enjoy!

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Wow thats a little deep. Can you actually control your death?!!! lol. Tell her she could just drop down dead one day, and that wont be controlled. If we all lived like that we wouldnt do anything in life. We all have worries like that but it doesnt stop us going ahead with something. Perhaps try explaining that to her, and if she still doesnt change her mind you may have to accept it. Hope you get it sorted soon, you could do without the extra stress.

 

Quote:

Originally Posted by jaimeLe318 View Post

 

When I brought up the fact that she has flown before she said "well I haven't flown since..." and went on about how she wants to be able to control her death and you can't do that when you are on an airplane ?!?!?! I would just expect a good of friend as she is to atleast care about things going on for my wedding even if she isn't coming but she doesn't.

 

 

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Perhaps she has a legitimate phobia about flying. It is totally irrational and uncontrollable and lots of people need psychological treatment to overcome phobias. Just because she wasn't as phobic about it in the past, does not mean it hasn't escalated. For example, my dad used to fly all the time, all over the world, for business. Now he is definitely afraid to fly and gets stressed out about flying for months in advance. (With no particular trigger incident that he has ever talked about).

 

I'd just do what everyone else said and not worry about it and enjoy your day without her. You don't want her to be freaking out at the wedding about the return flight.

 

However, I'd be pretty hurt if she managed to get on a plane for her honeymoon! Then she is just being selective.

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