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Am I a terrible sister?


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#1 starfish kate

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    Posted 14 August 2007 - 02:32 PM

    I am new to this forum, but I want all of you to be honest with me. I am not officially engaged yet, but it is coming in the next few months. As I mentioned in a previous post, one of my 2 sisters is getting married in October. I have another sister- we'll call her A- and this is what I'm freaking about.

    A told us (the 2 sisters) the other day that her BF, R, told her to pick one person who knows exactly what kind of ring she wants- all of the details. I think she picked me over my other sister because she would say "that one is big enough" and I'd say, "go with the bigger one." Anyway, this is fine, love to help. My issue is that if she gets engaged first, she gets married first. With 3 daughters, my parents have said that there has to be at least 1 year between each wedding. So if she gets her ring before I do, I have to wait until 2009 and I DON'T WANT TO! I'm 30 and she's 25.

    Don't get me wrong, I would be thrilled for her, but I want to be first! (Or second since my other sister is getting married in Oct.)

    I mentioned this to my BF and it wasn't until I realized his reaction that I started freakin'... He seems to understand without me having to say exactly how I feel- he wants to be before A & R too. The good thing is that since I'm the "helper" I'll know R's timing.

    Am I a terrible sister?

    -Kate
    Kate

    #2 michelle08

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      Posted 14 August 2007 - 02:38 PM

      I don't think so!! But I"m not the most empathetic person either...

      I think your BF needs to to his this weekend!!! :)

      I wouldn't want to wait until 2009 either! I know financially it's hard for your parents ( I am assuming they are paying for the wedding since they stipulated 1 a year) but maybe each of you could be willing to split it in 2008 for your weddings and then maybe in 2009 they can split $$ between you two again as they would have anyway for something else, like a house if you don't have one or savings, etc...??

      I think you have to do what is right for you and your BF. It isn't like this wasn't coming. I mean you are planning on getting married but the timing was right...well, it won't ever be "right" so you need to just do it!

      #3 LCBride2007

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        Posted 14 August 2007 - 02:42 PM

        i don't think you're a bad sister at all. i wouldn't want to wait either! but you never mention the option of not having your parents pay so that you could just get married when you wanted to. is that something to consider? i'd hate to have my wedding date dictated by some other reason than what he and I wanted. maybe there are ways around this?

        #4 Jessica

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          Posted 14 August 2007 - 02:45 PM

          Have you and your guy thought of paying for your own wedding? DH and I paid for our wedding entirely by ourselves and were really happy we went that route.

          I mean, I don't think you're "bad" as the older sister wanting to get married first. But just don't let it turn into one of those competition things for who will get down that aisle first.

          #5 starfish kate

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            Posted 14 August 2007 - 02:46 PM

            We have actually said we would pay, but I think it's more of my parents wanting us to all have the same amount of attention. A particularly wants to have her own time- she is a twin (I have a brother, too) and she says that she has had to share everything her whole life and she wants her wedding to be "her time." She even insisted on being my other sister's maid of honor.... She makes things about her.

            She's not a bad person, but her reaction would be "too bad", not "oh, Kate, we'll work it out."
            Kate

            #6 Nrvsbride

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              Posted 14 August 2007 - 02:52 PM

              I apologize if this sounds stupid but what would happen if you both got engaged? Would your parents only agree to pay for one daughters wedding? Would it be the daughter who got engaged first? What if you got engaged this weekend and she got engaged 2 weeks after that does that mean that she has to wait until 2009?

              Wouldn't it ultimately be up to your parents to decide how to divy up the finances? I would think they want to give each daughter something and would never just pay for one's wedding. So in the end wouldn't they just end up splitting things 50-50?

              #7 twinkletoes

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                Posted 14 August 2007 - 02:53 PM

                Quote:
                Originally Posted by starfish kate
                We have actually said we would pay, but I think it's more of my parents wanting us to all have the same amount of attention. A particularly wants to have her own time- she is a twin (I have a brother, too) and she says that she has had to share everything her whole life and she wants her wedding to be "her time." She even insisted on being my other sister's maid of honor.... She makes things about her.

                She's not a bad person, but her reaction would be "too bad", not "oh, Kate, we'll work it out."
                Oh, sorry to hear that. I was going to suggest maybe having a double wedding if you guys were really close. But if she wants to have her own time, then that defitenly would not work!

                When is her fiancee supposed to propose? Maybe yours could "officially" propose sooner than hers? lol
                2 Hearts, 1 Love 08.08.08Punta Cana, D.R.

                #8 TATrisha

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                Posted 14 August 2007 - 02:56 PM

                Well hopefully now that your man knows about it he'll get his hinder into gear!!

                ~Trisha~

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                #9 starfish kate

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                  Posted 14 August 2007 - 02:58 PM

                  Quote:
                  Originally Posted by Nrvsbride
                  I apologize if this sounds stupid but what would happen if you both got engaged? Would your parents only agree to pay for one daughters wedding? Would it be the daughter who got engaged first? What if you got engaged this weekend and she got engaged 2 weeks after that does that mean that she has to wait until 2009?

                  Wouldn't it ultimately be up to your parents to decide how to divy up the finances? I would think they want to give each daughter something and would never just pay for one's wedding. So in the end wouldn't they just end up splitting things 50-50?
                  You are totally right- I tend to over analyze things... I wouldn't care as long as I could still have my own day, when I want it. I really don't think she would have to wait until 2009 unless she wants to.

                  I want a destination wedding (duh) and she want a huge blow-out at a fancy hotel in Boston so I guess she's the one who'd be suffering the most. :)

                  Thanks for the reality check!
                  Kate

                  #10 starfish kate

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                    Posted 14 August 2007 - 03:00 PM

                    Quote:
                    Originally Posted by twinkletoes
                    Oh, sorry to hear that. I was going to suggest maybe having a double wedding if you guys were really close. But if she wants to have her own time, then that defitenly would not work!

                    When is her fiancee supposed to propose? Maybe yours could "officially" propose sooner than hers? lol
                    They are going on a cruise in January and I have a feeling it will be then, but I'm not sure. I think I'll get my ring around the same time. The good thing is that I'll know when A will be getting hers because I'll be helping to pick it out.
                    Kate




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