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Thought I had MOH - now not so sure?? HELP!

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#1 4therestofmylife

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    Posted 24 August 2010 - 06:31 PM

    I asked my aunt to be my MOH this past February - wanted to give her PLENTY of time before the wedding (MAY 2011). Of course she was delighted and started talking about all the plans and everything - she wanted to throw me a bridal shower, etc. Since then,. absolute crickets. I keep asking her if she went shopping for a dress - which I pretty much gave her carte blanche on saying it just had to be purple, she could pick any style she wanted. She says "Oh, well I keep my eye out when we're out and about..." I don't want to be mean to her, but really that's not the kind of dress you can just pick up at your local Walmart and I'd be a lot more comfortable if she had something in mind.


    THEN, about a month ago, she started a new job. And now, she doesn't know if she can get the time off work. Her new employer told her not to ask for time off until she has finished her probation period of 90 days. I'm absolutely beside myself because I won't even know if she can come until mid to end October. I don't think its fair for me to ask someone else at that point if she can't make it. I empathize with her situation, however, it kind of puts me a situation of not knowing. Every time I try to discuss issues with her she deviates and changes the subject. It feels like she just doesn't have interest anymore. All those plans she was so excited about making...well I guess those never materialized... I don't care so much about that, but she shouldn't have made a big fuss about it only to not follow through. I feel quite let down.


    Should I ask her to step down as MOH? How on earth do I confront her about all of this?? I don't think it's fair to make that kind of commitment to someone only to leave them hanging with 8 months to go.


    Suggestions anyone?

    Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

    #2 StephAli

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    • 120 posts

      Posted 24 August 2010 - 06:43 PM



      I had a somewhat similar situation, but with a bridesmaid. My BM decided to tell me when the deadline approached for the flight deposit that she was thinking about going back to school so she couldn't commit. She still wanted to be in my wedding party, but would have to wait until September to find out if she could come....we are getting married in November....a few days later I told her that it stressed me out too much... that I wanted her there, but I couldn't chance waiting and then finding out shes not coming. I'm pretty OCD with needing equal numbers of BM/GM. And I told her that everyone knew she was my first choice, so I couldn't wait until September and then find out shes not coming and then ask someone else....they would know that they were my "backup person" and I didn't want that. She was sad, but totally understood and decided that since she couldn't commit she would just step down....


      I know its a crappy situation, and either way will be difficult, but I hope this helps!

      #3 HazelsMelody

      • Jr. Member
      • 169 posts

        Posted 24 August 2010 - 07:15 PM



        I've asked two people now to be my maid of honour, actually, "Honour Attendant". The first was my best girlfriend. She said yes and then a few days recanted saying she and her boyfriend decided to save up for a house deposit so she couldn't come. So then I asked my best guy friend, and he said yes and then recanted because he and his wife found out they're pregnant and due within only a few weeks of our trip.


        At least they both gave me plenty of time and told me no as soon as possible. So my sister has already booked her trip so she's my back up. :o( It still kinda sucks though, that my two best friends won't be there for me.

        Iberostar Varadero
        25 March 2011
        Bride & Groom and kids + 20 booked.

        #4 MDLady

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          Posted 25 August 2010 - 06:52 AM

          Ok my friend, take a deep breath, 8 months is still a lot of time.  I don't understand how a 90 day probation on a job that she already started is an issue since she will definitely be done with it by then.  Are you worried that she will back out and not come to the wedding?  Or is what is bothering you more that she is not being proactive and getting the dress?  Or is she not helping out much at all?  I would not jump the gun quickly out of being nervous and ask her not to be the MOH anymore.  You still have time but if you are already seeing signs that there might be trouble, talk to her and see where she is at.  Maybe she will put your fears to rest and she is just not feeling the urgency as much as you are, considering there is still 8 months left before the wedding.  We as brides, have the sense of urgency with everything but not everyone else does :)

          #5 JanineA

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            Posted 25 August 2010 - 07:01 AM

            I think the best thing for you to do is sit down and have a very candid talk with her. Not so much cause you were expecting the bridal shower etc but because you would like her to know that this role of MOH (the person who has the bride's back and is there to think up of everything the bride can't, the shoulder to lean on, cry on and rejoice with, the person who come wedding day makes you look and feel your best with words of encouragement and support) is important to you and you would like to know in advance whether she will be able to attend. I had picked out two MOHs and neither can attend (one is pregnant with due date a week after my wedding and the other is having serious problems with the IRS). I didn't choose anyone else after that, I just have my two BMs, but I get where you are coming from. Talking it out and letting her know how you feel is the best thing to do. She may be so pre-occupied with the stress of her new job she may not have realized that her enthusiasm is gone. 

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