PLEASE HELP! I NEED ADVICE!!

[gabishort34]

Hi everyone,

 

I need some help!

 

My fiance and I planned our wedding for November 2012.  We didn't get anything set in stone or majorly planned, but after talking to some people, they could not make it (my fiances best friend and my fiances younger brother) due to a work trip the same week we planned on getting married. He is very close to them and was really upset because he wanted them there.  After talking to him about it, we agreed on moving it to October 2011.  Everything seemed great until his other brother decided to tell us that he could not make it then, never said the reason why.  I'm afraid that my fiance is going to ask me again to change it so his older brother could come.  I understand that they are also close and he really would like him there, but this is our wedding and its starting to seem like we are planning it around other people.  I also understand and told my fiance that some people may not be able to make it for what ever reason, but this is our wedding and special day and that we have to make the best of it.  He has not said anything to me about changing it again..should I say something to him about it or just let it go and wait for him to come to me? I am a little bothered with everything that is going on.  Is this unreasonable? 

[clgriffi7]

If it were me, I would probably go to my finace and say that you know his other brother now has a conflict and you are willing to reschedule ONE LAST TIME.  And after the date is set this time it doesn't matter who can't come.  That way you are being understanding of his family needs but he realizes you are now putting your foot down. 

 

I would be bothered by the situation as well, but I would hate to think of starting my marriage with my new husband secretly (even subconsciously) mad at me because his brother couldn't make it.  Good luck!

[gabishort34]

clgriffi- that's true. it just really bothers me that we already changed it once for his younger brother, and how his older brother.  We haven't been "fighting" about it but i can sense tension right now. Should I go to him about it or sit here and wait for him to come to me? If its his issue he could come to me...right? On the other hand I want him to see that his means a lot to me and I am going to him about it to make him feel better.  I wouldn't want out marriage to start off sour!

[hat0112]

I agree. I think you should go to your FI, not wait for him to come to you, and tell him you understand that his family means a lot to him and that you can reschedule one more time. Your FI might really want to change the date but thinks you will say no or it will cause a fight and he may never come to you, but he might resent you for it anyway.

 

Originally Posted by clgriffi7 

If it were me, I would probably go to my finace and say that you know his other brother now has a conflict and you are willing to reschedule ONE LAST TIME.  And after the date is set this time it doesn't matter who can't come.  That way you are being understanding of his family needs but he realizes you are now putting your foot down. 

 

I would be bothered by the situation as well, but I would hate to think of starting my marriage with my new husband secretly (even subconsciously) mad at me because his brother couldn't make it.  Good luck!

[gabishort34]

hat-we are really open with each other and i don't know why he isn't coming to me asking me to change again. I don't know if he doesn't want to ask me or if he doesn't want to change again.  

 

I am going to say something to him tonight when he gets home from work. CROSS YOUR FINGERS EVERYONE!

[rkingtx]

Everything will work out perfectly! No stressing!

[slyn]

I know its frustrating to align the dates to make everyone happy. Sounds like you will figure it out quickly!

[gabishort34]

I know I am more than willing to change the dates around to accommodate everyone, its just that when we are changing them 2 or 3 times, its very stressful!

[4therestofmylife]

At some point you have to draw the line about the date. We literally changed our date 3 times to try to accommodate people, but in the end, we just said we can't accommodate everyone's schedules. There will always be this person or that person that won't be able to make it. The best thing I think is like other's have said previously, to tell your FI you are willing to change it one last time, but then stick with it regardless of who can't make it. You can spend countless hours/ days coming up with reasons for not this day, not that day... be firm with people and they will understand the constraints you're working with.

[JKL_WeddingMexico]

we changed our date a couple times as well but in the end we decided that this is our day and no one elses. Unfortunatly if some of the important guests can't make it we said that it would not hurt our feelings.