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JanineA

I'm stuck!! What should I say? Add'l guests

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OMG when I first responded, I only read the first post and didn't see the update post. That's crazy and so incredibly rude! I can't believe she would say something like that. Who is she to tell you who you have to include in your wedding, whether you should have one, and how is should be. It's your wedding, not hers! That is ridiculous. What a friend that makes her...I'm so sorry that the whole thing went sour, but to be honest, I have to say,  you're better off without her att he wedding if that's how her attitude is going to be. You were being a good person by apologizing but I don't think she even deserved an apology. She should have shut her mouth and apologized to you.

 





Originally Posted by JanineA View Post

Hi ladies so I tried explaining to her the cost to FI and I of having each guest attend our wedding. Things didn't go too well. She started saying why would we have a wedding and expect people not to bring their S.O. I reminded her that she didn't have an S.O. initially when everything was sent out and her response was that no one should have a wedding if they can't afford each guest bringing at least one guest. I was so shocked that really I didn't even say anything back. I tried to explain that she could bring him just not to the ceremony and she said that was an even bigger slap in the face because it would be like bringing him and then excluding him. She went on to explain that HE said even if I changed my mind HE wouldn't let her go anyway.....really I'm still in shock as I am writing this. We kind of just ended the conversation after that with me just saying sorry. Like seriously I tried to be as understanding as I could. Perhaps one day when she is planning her own wedding she will understand. WoW!


 

Originally Posted by DWBride615 View Post

I'm sorry that you're in this position and have to deal with this.

 

How about you tell the single guests that the dates can come if they are willing to pay the $225? Then they can still bring their dates and not make you pay more than you want to. I think if you spoke to them about the price it would cost you for those additional people, that they would understand.

 

It's your wedding; you shouldn't have to pay extra for people you don't know.


 

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Speaking from experience, inviting new S.O.s is a tricky situation to begin with.  One of my bridesmaids was coming alone since her and her bf were going through a rough patch and she wanted to break things off.  Then 4 weeks before the wedding, she said that he really wanted to come and if it was ok.  I told her absolutely since she's a bridesmaid and I already assumed that she was coming with him to begin with.  On the day of her arrival to the resort, she arrives solo!!!!  Of course we ended up paying for an empty seat which made me mad but at that point, it was water under the bridge.

 

Your friend sounds like she's being controlled or manipulated by this guy.  If they have just started dating, who the hell is he to tell her that she can't go?!?!?!  And if she is willing to end a long friendship over some stupid guy that she just met, wow, then I really feel bad for her.  I can understand not wanting to go to the wedding solo and being on a beautiful island by myself, but it's not so bad.  My other bridesmaid's bf did not WANT to come because it was too expensive for him so she went by herself and had a fabulous time!

 

Good luck with this situation but it sounds like this is more of an issue that she has with herself and her "relationship".  Especially if you told her upfront that you did not have it in your budget to cover S.O.s!

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I am worried about this too - There are some people who's significant others I know and love and want at my wedding, while there are others who I want to come by themselves - how do I achieve this without being a bitch?

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I really don't think people understand the cost of a wedding until they've planned one. Of course, you can't expect people to go on a holiday by themselves, but there is no way that I am inviting random flings to my wedding.

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Originally Posted by niajs View Post

 

I really don't think people understand the cost of a wedding until they've planned one. Of course, you can't expect people to go on a holiday by themselves, but there is no way that I am inviting random flings to my wedding.

 

What's wrong with going on a holiday by yourself? :)  I guess I'm the only person that love alone time and taking holidays by myself.  If someone invited me to a wedding, I wouldn't want to take someone else but I guess that's just me.  

 

I chose a bridesmaid that said that she was coming then was planning on bringing her children (adult children) and now says she can't afford to come.  I think that for some crazy reason she thought I was paying all my guest's hotel and airfare. I paid for her dress and was planning on paying for accessories as well.  I really can't afford anything more because I'm paying airfare and hotel for my 3 children.

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Well I think you handled it properly. If you're friend isn't being understanding then maybe this friend isn't too much of a friend. Besides, traditionally, where I'm from, unless the person is engaged or married, you send the invite to the person as a single invite...LOL...of course, not many people do that, but I recently knew someone that did just that. As a matter of fact it was one of the owners of a company I use to work for. She got the company list and those who were married received and invite and she counted for 2 guests and those who were not officially married...she counted as 1 and they were not allowed to bring a guest/date///no ifs ands or buts about it. Worked for her.

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Thanks for all the support ladies. I have just let go of the situation cause if she was a friend she would try to be understanding. We haven't spoken since and to be quite honest I don't miss the friendship....I mean if for my big day she can't be understanding then well I guess who needs a friend like that. 

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Wow, what a lame-friend you have!!

 

If it helps, I realized that my friend and her bf were going through rough times, and they pitted themselves against my FI and I....I think it is because having a common enemy would bring them closer together. So you may be the common enemy that brings them closer together. How lame and selfish people can be when it come to a day that is supposed to be YOURS. Especially when you're shelling out so much money per person!!

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Im glad you found out now i had a hint a friend was going to cause trouble and she did have the hump maybe two weeks before we flew to Greece.When i asked her husband what id done he said nothing but i could hear her in the background saying "tell her" he was cutting her off but nothing more was said

She saved her dramas and tantrums for whilst we were away.My bestfriends mum and stepdad stayed at the same apartments.She was controlling and they did everything she wanted !!!! I picked my best friends mum and dad up on the wedding day and they spent the mornin with us.We had said the four of them could stay at the villa on the night of the wedding.She is fat and lazy and asked my brother to give up the sofa for her leaving the other for her hubby.When my brother said no she decided to go home to ther apartment.Which was fine it was her holiday.The next day we all went to the capital for the day.She rang whilst we were having lunch and asked rudly when was i bringing her guests back WTF.

She was rude to them when they returned and had the hump with us.We planned to take both couples out whilst on our honeymoon on different days.The night we were asking them to come out with us she really had the hump. After making seperate dinner plans she got the rel hump because we went to dinner with P & R.It wasnt planned we bumped into them and even called them to come join us when they walked by.She galloped along the road and from that moment she made her own holiday a misery and tried to ruin ours.We called in the next morning to ask if they wanted to come out he asked her we heard no reply he said no she didnt want to come so off we went.The next day we took p & r out and my phone rang 5/6 times i never answered.

From then on she ignored us she stayed in her room for two days her hubby hired a car and she still stayed in bed,

Two weeks after we were home she rang to opologise said she didnt have the hump with us !!! she felt used bt p&r and felt we only wanted to spend time with them.We went out for the day and had dinner with them once apart from the wedding day,

She said it was the others she had the hump with and shes depressed.We had made our mind up before we came home to cut her from our lives.

I told her i didnt want to be nasty but it was our wedding!!!!!!!!!!!!and told her to leave it.

Her hubby who was my friend for years sti;; called around and has been saying for the last year hes at the end of his rope with her and is looking to get out

SOOOOOOOOOO TUESDAY i get a text telling me im behaving like a 1 yr old telling my friends she ruined my wedding

I replied no u tried to ruin it and told her it was her that was childish etc. Oh, she also ran away one evening was gone for over an hour cos she didnt get her own way.

Then i got more texts saying people said i looked like miss piggy in my wedding pictures (i had clip in extensions) that i was a strange woman cos id been maried 3 times and she didnt think it would last,

At the time i was shaking in anger and sending my final reply her hubby was at Pauls workplace with a letter opologising as he knew nothing of what she was saying

My reply was explosive and having told her a few home truths about her personal  hygiene she cleans her teeth with a face cloth i to;d her my marriage would probably out last hers i told her her hubby was looking at other women and had a nuses number in his phone from when his dad was sick.She never even went to see him i told her if shed got off her size 22 arse shed of met her.

I pre warned her hubby as i called into Pauls work to tell him what she had been saying and her hubby was there having given Paul the letter

I havnt heard a thing since

 

 

 

The moral of this story is if you have any hint someone could wreck havoc on your special day make sure they stay at home.

That dosent include mother in laws though wink.gif

 

t

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