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JanineA

I'm stuck!! What should I say? Add'l guests

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OMG, that's terrible!!  I agree, it is incredibly rude / crass for guests to ask to bring a guest if they were not invited with one.  Clearly, they haven't been together long enough for you to have assumed she even had an S.O.!

 

Definitely hold your ground and do not feel bad or apologize.  Your "friend" was wrong and immature.  Seriously, who throws a hissy fit about not being able to bring a date??  Forget about the money, the more important fact is that you want to spend this special time with your closest friends and not strangers.  period.  If your friends can't understand that you want to spend time w/ THEM and only THEM, then they don't appreciate your friendship.  And they definitely don't appreciate your friendship if they are willing to let their flavor of the month get in the way.  You are better off... 

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Oh no! I'm so sorry to hear that you're dealing with this. I've learned that weddings do bring out the worst in people.

 

I always thought it was ettitiquite that you must invite someone's SO if they are engaged, live together or they are married( not just dating). I mean it would be completely up to you but I wouldn't and it's good that you stuck your ground. I understand paying for your own wedding and it should be VERY special, you should know everyone there. This is not a house party or backyard bbq, it's your wedding.

 

If your friend was truly your friend she would understand! If it's a financial issue for her- maybe you could help her with rooming with another single? But it sounds like she wants to bring her boyfriend with her.  And his response... unbelievable! I hope it works out and you don't lose a good friend over this.

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Yeesh, some friend!  Even if you weren't doing a DW it isn't uncommon to invite someone without their + guest.  How can she not see that if a bunch of friends bring their randoms thats $1000s of dollars out of your budget?  If he was going for just the vacation it would be one thing...to me the best part about a DW is that you will only have the people closest to you there.  My cousin's inlaws will be at our resort the week of our wedding (they have another wedding on their side of the family there the week before) and they are absolutely not invited to our wedding.  Just because I know them doesn't mean I want to share my day with them.  Stick to what you want for your wedding, I hope your friend comes to her senses.

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I'm sorry that you're in this position and have to deal with this.

 

How about you tell the single guests that the dates can come if they are willing to pay the $225? Then they can still bring their dates and not make you pay more than you want to. I think if you spoke to them about the price it would cost you for those additional people, that they would understand.

 

It's your wedding; you shouldn't have to pay extra for people you don't know.

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It's not easy to deal with this, but it seems you really do find out who your "real" friends are in situations like this.  A real friend would understand and respect your wishes.

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Thanks for all the advice ladies. Since our conversation last I have not spoken to her. I tried calling and I shot her a text but she hasn't responded. I spoke to one of the mutual friends whom she had called (one of the two people she was also trying to rally to get to bring their S.O.'s) and that friend said she completely understood now that I explained how expensive it can get. She had wanted to bring her SO as well but decided to book solo since she has only been dating him about 3 weeks and she admitted a vacation like that is not something she wants to take with someone she is not sure about. I asked her to see if she could reason with my old roomie (we were roommates for 4 years for Christ's sake). Anyway she already tried and said "her boyfriend" doesn't want her speaking to me any more. She has never ever been like this with a guy. I mean no guy has ever come in between our friendship so I guess the fact that she has only been dating this guy two months or so now and he has told her we can't be friends, well I guess he must be some kind of special. Either way it sucks but you ladies are right, during this whole wedding process I have really seen who my friends are. Some acquaintances became friends and friends were reduced to acquaintances! Thanks for all the advice ladies. I'm moving on.......tough for her, her loss...not mine!

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Wow, sometime type of friend she is and glad to hear your other friend has your back and is more understanding...it's really funny how you find out who are really there for you and not through this whole proccess

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It's unfortunate when you have to spend energy trying to reason with someone who isn't willing to listen...Sounds like your old roomie has some bigger issues to worry about...like that controling "New Fling" who has already exhibited behaviors that our mom's told us to watch out for.  Pray for her and move on...you have a wedding to plan and get ready for.  If she is truly your friend she will eventually come to her senses and apologize for being an ARSE!

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I'm so sorry you had to deal with this drama.  My FI and I made it very clear in the beginning to all of our single friends, including his sisters, that they were not getting a +1 unless they were in a relationship with that person for more than 6 months prior to our wedding and we had built a relationship with that person.  We also told people that it's a vacation and we want them to have fun, so if they decided to bring their +1, just know they weren't invited to share in the wedding or reception, since we had to pay for dinner and the chair rental and everything else for that person.  Additionally, we told them that if they insisted on bringing that person down for the wedding and ceremony we would let them know the cost of adding that person and they would be responsible for it.  So far, we haven't had any complaints but we have 10 months to go so I'm expecting some backlash down the line when new couples start up closer to the wedding date. 

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