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Legal Wedding Before Destination Wedding... =(


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#1 nmurch

nmurch
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  • 396 posts

    Posted 05 August 2010 - 08:47 AM

    OK, i want to know what your thoughts are on my situation here

     

    we are legally getting married a couple days before we go to MEXICO!

    so i wanted it to be me, my FH our parents and grandparents that cant

    make it to mexico... thats it. and some how

    the word got out that we are legally getting married b4 hand and now all

    the people that said "no" on our RSVP want to come! and i dont want them there

    because i dont want this to be like our wedding day and with all those people

    i'm afraid it might make me feel that way and like i said i dont want to take

    away from the real mexico wedding!... what should i do? they are nagging me

    telling me they want to be there for us etc.. and i just dont want that.

    how can i tell them no? or should i just let them come!

     

     

    HELPP

     

    :) thankss in advance for any advice!

     

    nic


    jan 11 cant come soon enough...

    #2 sltrotter18

    sltrotter18
    • Jr. Member
    • 151 posts

      Posted 05 August 2010 - 09:04 AM

      Wow yeah that's a bummer.  I would just say this is just an intimate ceremony for you and your immediate family and leave it at that.  They will probably get their feelings hurt but someone is always bound to get their feelings hurt in these things.  Another way to avoid people coming is do it on a weekday in the middle of the week so they can't come because of work. 

      We will run into the same problem now.  We had hoped on getting legally married afterwards at his 90 year old grandmother's church a few hours away from here.  It actually would have been very cool because that is where his parents got married over 40 years ago.  But we found out now we have to get married beforehand and I am in the same boat as you and don't want it to take away from the destination weddding.  I'm curious as to what other advice you will get regarding this!



      #3 Kendall

      Kendall
      • Jr. Member
      • 234 posts

        Posted 09 August 2010 - 12:11 PM

        I agree with Sltrotter - tell them it was just intended to be an intimate nuptial exchange for immediate family members only. Ugh... this is a tough one.  Are you having a reception at home after you return from your DW?  Maybe you could tell them that although the vow exchange is just for immediate family, you hope to see them at the reception when you return and will share lots of photos and the video with them. ?? 



        #4 pina13

        pina13
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        • 30 posts

          Posted 30 August 2010 - 01:00 PM

          I have the exact same issue!

           

           nmurch - are you going to have your MOH and BM there?

          my MOH kinda invited herself...and I do want her there but then my bridesmaids will be upset that they weren't invited!

           

          ahhhh



          #5 Ellabaja1983

          Ellabaja1983
          • Sr. Member
          • 1,541 posts

            Posted 30 August 2010 - 01:08 PM

            I'm worried about having the same problem, but we are hoping to keep it very quiet that we are getting married before hand.  Our TA recommended that we keep this information pretty hush, hush so people don't RSVP "no" because it's not the actual wedding, but I think I'm more afraid that they will want to go to the "legal" ceremony.  At this point the only two people I have told are my mother and my MOH. 

            We have decided who we will have there, but I'm thinking probably my parents.  FI is not close with his parents and has actually had a lot of issues with them regarding the DW as a whole.  I know he really doesn't care to have them there, so we'll see.

             

            If I do run into this, I'm certainly going to put it out there that this is a very private ceremony and only immediate family will be allowed to attend.  It may hurt some feelings, but it's our wish...it's our wedding.


            Married the love of my life in April!!

            #6 hat0112

            hat0112
            • Sr. Member
            • 1,219 posts

              Posted 30 August 2010 - 01:17 PM

              My FI and I are getting legally married before and no one is invited. I am already worried it will take away from our wedding in Aruba and if I had my parents there it would make that feeling worse. Any time someone tells me they want to come to the wedding I say "Great! See you in Aruba!" And when they say no, the one at home I tell them there isn't one, we are just taking care of some paper work. I honestly don't care if it bothers some people. I am not going to have a bunch of people at the legal ceremony at home just to please them when it makes me feel horrible on my wedding day in Aruba. Sorry if that came out Bridezilla-ish.


              Wedding 10/22/10 Westin Aruba

              I love being a Mrs.!

              #7 KRama

              KRama
              • Jr. Member
              • 421 posts

                Posted 30 August 2010 - 01:47 PM

                We got legally married two weeks before our wedding in Mexico. Initially we just wanted our parents there, and then in it snowballed to our siblings plus their spouses, and then grandparents and before we knew it we had like 20 people who wanted to be there! So NOT what we wanted. We ended up telling everyone that we had changed our minds and decided to get legally hitched in Mexico. We then surprised our best friends by inviting them over for dinner, had the JP marry us right there in our living room and then the 4 of us hit the town and told all the bartenders we had just eloped and got free shots all night! It was completely casual (we were all in jeans), fun and NOT romantic...exactly how we wanted it to be! By the time the "real" wedding was over, no one even remembered that we legally got married at home. It's the emotions of the day that make it your wedding day, not signing a piece of paper!

                 

                My best advice is to keep down playing the whole thing by telling people it's just the paper work, like going to get a marriage license at the registry, and you'd really like that person to be there to see you in your white dress, full of emotions, on your wedding day. If all else fails, lie and say you're getting married at city hall and they only allow two witnesses. :)



                #8 maura777

                maura777
                • Newbie
                • 50 posts

                  Posted 30 August 2010 - 03:19 PM

                  I agree with all of you.  I think it's fine to tell people that you want just an intimate ceremony with no one there.  If you wanted a whole crowd at a wedding in your hometown, you wouldn't be doing a destination wedding - simple as that :)

                   

                  I think my FI and I are going to get married when we get back from Jamaica.  I am afraid that if I do it before then the vows and the moment when they announce us husband and wife won't feel as momentus since we had actually already been husband and wife.  Also, since my parents and grandparents and siblings live across the country, there is no way we could do it before and have those closest to us there, so we decided to just not do it.

                   

                  I have friends that have done it both way and both couples were happy with their choice, so I don't think you can go wrong but, as with everything in the planning process, this is YOUR wedding and marriage and you can choose who you want there for it.

                   

                  Good luck!

                   



                  #9 pina13

                  pina13
                  • Newbie
                  • 30 posts

                    Posted 31 August 2010 - 12:21 PM

                    So I think we have made a decision to have our MOH and BM at the legal ceremony with our parents.

                    And then have a small dinner with all of us to celebrate and figure out all the little details for the wedding in Mexico.

                    I can't waiiiiiiiiiit!!!!!! :):):):):):):):):)



                    #10 loua4

                    loua4
                    • Jr. Member
                    • 397 posts

                      Posted 01 September 2010 - 04:40 AM



                      Originally Posted by nmurch 

                      OK, i want to know what your thoughts are on my situation here

                       

                      we are legally getting married a couple days before we go to MEXICO!

                      so i wanted it to be me, my FH our parents and grandparents that cant

                      make it to mexico... thats it. and some how

                      the word got out that we are legally getting married b4 hand and now all

                      the people that said "no" on our RSVP want to come! and i dont want them there

                      because i dont want this to be like our wedding day and with all those people

                      i'm afraid it might make me feel that way and like i said i dont want to take

                      away from the real mexico wedding!... what should i do? they are nagging me

                      telling me they want to be there for us etc.. and i just dont want that.

                      how can i tell them no? or should i just let them come!

                       

                       

                      HELPP

                       

                      :) thankss in advance for any advice!

                       

                      nic



                      haha! I totally feel your pain.

                      My FI and I are getting legally married 2 wks before we leave for the Bahamas. This was so our family who couldnt make it could still see us get married and my mom spread the word and now we are in the same place. Everyone who said no to going on the trip wants to go. But we are sticking to our original plan. It will just be james and I, my parents and his, my one brother who cant go, our MOH and Bestman, One groomsman who now cant come, james's sisters and my Granny. I am not turning this into some big circus day for my mom, or anyone else.

                       

                      Plus it is going to be in the middle of the day on a wed. and then after we can have a small meal out and discuss the wedding to follow in 2wks :)

                       

                      congrats to you by the way and good luck!!! I hope your legal day goes well. :)






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