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sister/wedding party dilemma


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#1 Amanda+Dave

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    Posted 31 July 2010 - 04:11 AM

    Hi everyone

     

    My sister got married in April and I was MOH. I think she chose me out of obligation to my mom, we are the only two children in our family. 

    Every time I tried to call her to help her, she never returned my calls and it was really annoying.

    We used to be close, until she met her now husband. Now she is pretty much a stranger to our whole family.

    I don't even feel like I know her, so why would I want her to be my MOH? She never even thanked me for being her MOH, never sent us a thank you for the gift and never gave anyone in the bridal party a gift (not too concerned about that, but it is pretty much expected that you do that).

    I know most of planning will be done by myself and my fiancee, but I want a MOH who will actually be there for me. Not one who took six days to congratulate her one and only sister on her engagement, despite me calling her four days in a row and leaving multiple voicemails.

    I have someone else in mind, who I consider more of a sister. She has been a part of our family my whole life. She was my babysitter and I consider her to be my best friend. She was just as excited as I was about getting engaged.

    At first, my mom wanted me to have my sister because she didn't want to start world war 3. But now, she is getting fed up with me sister and is at the point where she doesn't care.

    Should I just hold out on asking anyone?

    We aren't getting married until late 2011 early 2012 anyway, so it is not like we are in a rush.

    My other fear, with the way my brother in law talks, is that she will be pregnant or have just had a baby around the time we get married anyway. 

     

    Not sure what to do ... anyone been in this situation before?



    #2 erine

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      Posted 31 July 2010 - 05:22 AM

      That's a tough spot to be in. Ultimately, it is your and your fiance's day and no one else's.  You may want to hold off a bit, but if your gut is telling you to have your babtsitter/best friend as you MOH, then go for it.  Could you have her as your Maid of Honour and your sister as your Matron of Honour?  I've seen some people do it this way and it seems to go well.  You may also want to have a private conversation with your sister to see where she is at.  Who knows, she may prefer to not have the responsbility of MOH...  Good luck with everything



      #3 carolina24

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        Posted 31 July 2010 - 10:02 AM

        i definately think you should hold off on asking anyone to be in your bridal party until you decide on a date and youre around a year out from that set date.  by then things might change with your sister, or with your best friend. however, i don't think that you should feel obligated in anyway to choose someone to be your MOH just because they are your family.  i've been doing most of the planning for the wedding but my MOH has been amazing in planning little details and sending me emails and pics of ideas...she's made this time in my life really special and every bride deserves that.



        #4 mexicanlily

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          Posted 31 July 2010 - 11:21 AM

          I think you should do what feels right for you!!!  This is YOUR wedding day, not your mother's and not your sister's wedding day.  I wouldn't worry about WW3, I would just explain to your sister that it takes her a long time for her to get back to you, that you have lost your connection to her and that it works out best if you can have a MOH that will be there for you when you need them to be. 



          #5 bediva33

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            Posted 02 August 2010 - 05:19 AM



            Originally Posted by carolina24 

            i definately think you should hold off on asking anyone to be in your bridal party until you decide on a date and youre around a year out from that set date.  by then things might change with your sister, or with your best friend. however, i don't think that you should feel obligated in anyway to choose someone to be your MOH just because they are your family.  i've been doing most of the planning for the wedding but my MOH has been amazing in planning little details and sending me emails and pics of ideas...she's made this time in my life really special and every bride deserves that.


            I agree with this post...
             



            #6 sweetluna

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              Posted 02 August 2010 - 05:40 AM

              I avoided the whole MOH/Bridesmaid situation by not giving my girls any titles.   I've asked them both to be witnesses but I've been doing the majority of my planning with my best friend (who is one of my witnesses) and my sister is the other witness but I don't really include her on much of the planning.  She is part of the wedding party and that is all that matters to her & to the family peace.  At the same time, I get the help I need from my best friend who understands that, while she doesn't hold the official title, in my heart she is my MOH.



              #7 Amanda+Dave

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                Posted 06 August 2010 - 03:03 AM

                Thanks for all the advice everyone.

                 

                I am going to go with my gut and choose who I want to choose. It is my wedding and I shouldn't let others make decisions for me.

                 

                I think I will just need to sit down with my sister and have a long talk with her about why I have decided the way I have. Maybe it will improve our relationship in the long run.






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