BM Issues

[Nrvsbride]

Oh if you are giving her the free trip and all she has to come up with is $400 then that is just messed up if she doesn't go. If you let her off the hook and she still insisted then she now has an obligation to do her best to save the $400. Okay since your wedding is in about two months she has to save about $50 a week to have enough. Could she put it on a credit card that has zero interest for x amount of time so that she is guaranteed to go? Why don't you suggest that option to her?

 

And yes Julie you have done all you can. You have been a good friend and offered her the free trip. Now its on her to decide what she wants to do.

[JulieG]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nrvsbride Oh if you are giving her the free trip and all she has to come up with is $400 then that is just messed up if she doesn't go. If you let her off the hook and she still insisted then she now has an obligation to do her best to save the $400. Okay since your wedding is in about two months she has to save about $50 a week to have enough. Could she put it on a credit card that has zero interest for x amount of time so that she is guaranteed to go? Why don't you suggest that option to her? And yes Julie you have done all you can. You have been a good friend and offered her the free trip. Now its on her to decide what she wants to do.

Yes, all she needs is $400, actually, its not even that much, she paid a deposit of $200 for her and her husband. Her husband is not coming, but my grandmother is taking his place, just in another room (our flight is sold out). So, my grandmother is going to give her the $100 so, she technically has $200 paid already. That means she just needs to come up with another $255 and then $90 for her dress. She will need it altered as well. So, say $400 total to be safe. That is for her trip and her dress, its a pretty sweet deal.

If she does not come, she is out $200 deposit and $125 for the dress. So, what makes more sense, saving $455 or losing $325? I am just so stressed about it, I am trying not to worry, but I can't help it.

[Chiquita]

That situation totally sucks. And I agree with you Julesr that $400 is not alot of money when you've had over a year to save. It would be really poopy if she can't make it to the wedding, but you have done everything in your power to get her there. It's now up to her to make the effort. If she can't, then she is losing out on one of the best experiences she will have.

[~Melissa~]

Hmm I'm kind of late on this one Julie. I do think you're a great friend. Stupid money some days I really wish it grew on trees, so many problems would be solved.

 

I feel really bad for your groomsman.. but I don't know what you can do. I guess bottom line you need to see if your BF is comming FOR SURE. You could always say you need the money ASAP like $200 by the end of next week and $200 by the end of the month... I dont know if you think that;s shady or not but it's kinda giving her an ultimatum.

 

I really feel for you Julie, at least you are able to give someone a free trip that really wants to be there. I hope you at least feel good about that. You are a really sweet an considerate girl

[Nrvsbride]

Ok no offense Julie but certain people (who shall remain nameless) in your life have been stressing me out all day. LOL. Sheesh!

[JulieG]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nrvsbride Ok no offense Julie but certain people (who shall remain nameless) in your life have been stressing me out all day. LOL. Sheesh!

Which one? There are so many to choose from.

[JulieG]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Raeka Hmm I'm kind of late on this one Julie. I do think you're a great friend. Stupid money some days I really wish it grew on trees, so many problems would be solved. I feel really bad for your groomsman.. but I don't know what you can do. I guess bottom line you need to see if your BF is comming FOR SURE. You could always say you need the money ASAP like $200 by the end of next week and $200 by the end of the month... I dont know if you think that;s shady or not but it's kinda giving her an ultimatum. I really feel for you Julie, at least you are able to give someone a free trip that really wants to be there. I hope you at least feel good about that. You are a really sweet an considerate girl

I don't want to push her into anything. I am going to have 1 last talk with her, hopefully this weekend and see what she says. If she says she can't come up with the $400, I am going to have to tell her its that or nothing. We can't pay the $400 as well, we just don't have the money.

We will pay for half the GM no matter what, we will just save as best as we can. Other than that, we will charge the rest. My FH mentioned taking out a line of credit. We might just have to do it.

[~Melissa~]

Good job hunni - just make sure you stand your ground with her and be upfront - you need the $400 ASAP.

 

I really hope this all works out for you.

[JulieG]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Raeka Good job hunni - just make sure you stand your ground with her and be upfront - you need the $400 ASAP. I really hope this all works out for you.

The balance is due August 21, so I will give her till that date to pay.

[erik.wade]

Quote:

Originally Posted by akh ooohhh - we can yell at Erik! ... maybe it's too much pressure. i guess i didn't consider that since, were i in her position, i'd probably just say right off the bat "hey, i just can't pull this off, i am sooo sorry" and be done with it. but maybe she is just looking for an out...

<Erik takes a left, a right, another left...how is he still able to stand...my god ...the horror...folks it doesn't look good for our contender...he should have stayed playing video games before getting in the ring with this girl> LOL

Quote:

Originally Posted by Julesr ... Trust me Erik when I tell you she is not eating Ramen noodles or hawking her stuff. She is doing NOTHING!! She has no money, not even $100 saved for the trip, and we told her 1 year in advance. ...Erik, you do not know my recent history like all the other girls on here. My sister's husband (boyfriend of 15 years) passed away 4 days after their wedding, they had a 1 year old at the time and 2 days later she found out she was pregnant.

I stand and apologize. I played the devil's advocate with someone who was living in a Hellish nightmare it seems. I apologize and would say that you should probably force your hand a bit with your friend and point out what you did to me. She will either step up and take responsibility or you can eliminate her and tell her that you are simply cutting down the number of BM and GM.

Quote:

Originally Posted by MikkiStreak Erik, it sounds like in the situation you were in, that some of the pressure you felt was self-induced. Had you been honest with your friend instead of saying you would do whatever you had to in order to attend his wedding- ...

Absolutely self induced...completely brought on by my decision to do whatever I need to in order to be there for my friend. I will never deny that, but I will say that there was a part of me that was too proud to talk to him about my own financial hardships until I had no choice. Unfortunately I seem to suffer from a rare disease called "Male Ego" that seems to be benign most of the time, but on occasion, it kicks my butt.

My only reason to suggest what i did was to point out that I am a good representation of "what some shouldn't do...but do anyways". Had I learned to pull my enormous melon of a head out of my own backside, I might have realized the crap I was speaking was just that...crap. (Wow...what a colorful way of putting it eh?)


All in all, I'll step back and let the girls talk amongst themselves...while I lick my wounds.

Although I do still feel that you should confront your friend before it gets to be too late and you end up suffering because she is being selfish.

<now for the beating>