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Need Advice about FMIL situation


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#1 Mel

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    Posted 08 August 2007 - 09:43 PM

    So I'm getting married at Las Caletas. I say this because there is an hour boat ride to get there. My problem is that FI parent's are divorced. They are both remarried however, FMIL still has a problem with FFIL's new wife. FMIL already picked a fight with FFIL's new wife at a bar, and new wife broke FMIL's nose. They do not get along needless to say. FFIL's new wife is great. I love her to death and she is way more mature than FMIL about the whole situation (she only broke FMIL's nose because FMIL swung first!) and would never provoke anything. FMIL is just the opposite..obviously from the bar fight, no matter how much she says she won't, she still will. Now back to the wedding. We have figured out how to keep them apart as much as possible prior to the wedding, but by having our wedding at Las Caletas there is an hour boat ride to the location. That will give FMIL lots of time to start something bad. I have thought about taking new wife with me and my BMs over early, but then FMIL will get mad. But I really don't know if I could handle FMIL that long while I'm getting ready (she's very critical) and I know new wife would be hurt by this since we get along so well. She would understand why but would still be hurt. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. I hope between all of us we might be able to figure out some plan so that there are not as many hurt feelings and hopefully no broken bones and blood.

    #2 1elephant

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      Posted 08 August 2007 - 09:57 PM

      wow!!! sounds like quite an interesting situation!!! you really think FMIL would do anything to make your day less than perfect if so, i'd talk to her (or have FI talk to her) FIRMLY - tell her you want the day to be perfect for her son, and any issues will have to be resolved once they're back on u.s. soil. and that if she doesn't comply you'll make sure she never sees her grandkids....lol...kinda.....

      #3 Spazz

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        Posted 08 August 2007 - 10:01 PM

        Quote:
        Originally Posted by naughie
        wow!!! sounds like quite an interesting situation!!! you really think FMIL would do anything to make your day less than perfect if so, i'd talk to her (or have FI talk to her) FIRMLY - tell her you want the day to be perfect for her son, and any issues will have to be resolved once they're back on u.s. soil. and that if she doesn't comply you'll make sure she never sees her grandkids....lol...kinda.....

        I agree, have your FI talk to her and tell her that she cannot ruin your day and there will be issues if she does.

        #4 -Kate-

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          Posted 08 August 2007 - 10:04 PM

          I say tell FMIL you are bring FFIL's wife over with you so they don't have to be on the boat together. If she puts up a fit say "Too bad. When you decide to have a wedding in Las Caletas you can bring whoever you want over early. This is my wedding and I make the calls."

          Can you tell I'm hungry and cranky?

          #5 LCBride2007

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            Posted 08 August 2007 - 10:05 PM

            eek. that was going to be my first suggestion was to have one of them come over early with you to hang out and get ready. can you still have the new wife come over early? tell FMIL that you really need her to hang back and make sure all goes well on that make - make it seem like you really need her there, becuase you don't trust anyone else or something.

            #6 robindepaula

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              Posted 08 August 2007 - 10:08 PM

              If you have a good relationship with the *new wife*, I'd bring her over early with you & the BM's. She'd just have to be upset with me - she'll get over it . . .

              Robin

              #7 NATASHA

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                Posted 08 August 2007 - 10:09 PM

                UGH - my parents are divorced and both remarried (they divorced 15 years ago). My dad was the one that got weird even though my mom was the one entitled to be weird.

                On my wedding day (after my dad stormed off at dinner the night before because he thought it was unfair that we ask that he toast the night of the wedding and let MIL toast at the rehearsal dinner as is customary), I had to tearfully sit down with my father and tell him that his behavior was hurting my feelings. I also told him that he needed to learn to accept that we are all one big family - for the wedding as well as for the rest of our lives. I flat out told him that he would not be welcome to participate in family events if he continued to behave that way. Then I said, "Can you imagine not being at the hospital if I had a baby?" My grandmother, who was helping with the conversation, started to cry. He saw what he was doing then and apologized (earnestly) and behaved.

                He normally has a very even personality and LOVES my DH and me. He was just emotional. So, yes, I expect that there is no way for you to avoid an issue as emotions will be charged.

                So, it sounds like getting the two together in a room before the event and asking them to work it out amongst themselves won't work (a broken nose - who picks a bar fight after 20?). Can you get them both on the phone and say that you are concerned about the boat ride, you're really fearful that something is going to happen and you really don't want to deal with that stress on your wedding day. Maybe, then, you can say that you're going to pick a number between one and 100 to see who heads over on the boat with you (and pray to God that it's your FFIL's wife)?

                Silly - huh? But is there a way to get the two of them to face this before the event and just lay down the law so at least they know what to expect?
                Shawn and NatashaHappily MarriedNovember 11, 2006

                #8 Christine

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                Posted 08 August 2007 - 10:09 PM

                I think making a good excuse to keep her back at the resort and then take your FI's step-mom with you...I had a similar situation (the ex and new wife were actually best friends at one point) and we spoke with her several times about making her son's wedding perfect and dealing with issues, just be up front that you want everything to be as comfortable as possible and this is the best way to do so
                Christine + Will (married 7/20/07) + Ainsleigh (born 6/25/08) + Nolan (born 11/9/10) + Delaney (born 12/31/13) = One Very Happy Family!

                #9 NATASHA

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                  Posted 08 August 2007 - 10:11 PM

                  Oh that's a good idea - maybe you can give her the clipboard to make sure that everyone gets on the boat. She can be Julie McCoy!
                  Shawn and NatashaHappily MarriedNovember 11, 2006

                  #10 LCBride2007

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                    Posted 08 August 2007 - 10:13 PM

                    Quote:
                    Originally Posted by NATASHA
                    Oh that's a good idea - maybe you can give her the clipboard to make sure that everyone gets on the boat. She can be Julie McCoy!
                    I love the Love Boat reference!




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