*Heavy Sigh* Vent -- Bummed about turn out for my AHR :(

[islandbride317]

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Originally Posted by *Rachel* I'm picking up what your puting down. LOL I know- I'm pretty straight to the point and blunt. My DH always tries to tell me that I could soften the blow a bit and I try to! Anyways- your party will still rock and you will have 50 guests there that WANT to be there. So drink til it's fun. That's my life motto!

HA!

So, just like how what my sister said is "beyond retarded", you saying "So drink til it's fun. That's my life motto!" is BEYOND EXCELLENT! (I'm trying NOT to get busted giggling aloud right now at work...you're too much and I love it! Tell you DH I disagree, cause you shouldn't change a thing!

[jk1101]

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Originally Posted by islandbride317 Ugh -- I feel like such a whiny-baby this week.... Now more than even before my wedding, I've been posting "rants" about this, and "venting" about that, so I'd first like to THANK YOU all for (as usual!) bearing with me and hearing me out; the bulk of the time, it feels like only my BDW sisters can truly identify and KNOW where I am coming from, and it means the world! HUGS to you all! So, now to my current vent: as my reply-by date for my AHR just passed earlier this week (btw - our AHR will be on Aug. 14th, 3 months after we were married on May 14th in Jamaica, with 10 lovely guests in attendance), it feels like no one cares about celebrating our wedding with us anymore! We invited about 80 people (b/c we couldn't afford more than that in case everyone DID say they were coming), and so far, I have just under 50 replies as "will attend" and a handful of "regretfully declines"...what's going on here?!? Some of the people I really thought I could count on to be there either haven't replied at all, or have said now that they can't make it, even though they have been telling me for the past year that they are "so excited" for our AHR -- WTF?!? Even my own sister (my only sibling) said she's going to come, but will have to leave early because she's got a freakin' birthday party to go that day also...what a slap in the face, right?!? I guess I'm just pouting like a brat, but it really burns me that my husband and I have both been working 2 jobs for the past 7 months to be able to afford to host a celebration we could be proud of, and now it seems like all that hard work is going to waste. We booked a beautiful waterfront venue on Maryland's Chesapeake Bay, complete with a deejay, cake, photog. -- the works! And we'll still have to pay for 75 people (as per the venue's minimum), even if less attend, so now I just feel like an IDIOT! I guess to some of the guests we've invited, the fact that we are already married makes our AHR not a "big deal", but we're really hurt that it seems like these people are just saying we don't matter enough to take 4 hours out of their day on a Saturday in August to say congratulations. I really do understand that people have other things going on, but I just feel bummed because John and I been there for the important events in these people's lives (ie. weddings, baby showers, their kid's birthday parties, etc.), and now that it's their turn to be there for us, they can't be bothered. * Heavy sigh....again, sorry for the "pity party", girls, and thanks for listening. *

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Originally Posted by islandbride317 GIANT HUGS to you for knowing what I'm saying, sugar! You've already brightened my day... And what's funny is that you said you decided to scrap your AHR after all, because I was right there with you. About 2 weeks after we returned from our DW, I was seriously considering just calling it all off myself, but John and I just decided to go ahead with it and now look where I am!! Aaarrrrgghhh! You're soo right -- it IS a lot to think about, coordinate, PAY FOR and now I just feel embarassed to have gone to all this effort for people who really are telling us that they just don't give a sh!t about any of it! And yes, it's a free meal, free booze, free entertainment, free cake...and I don't even care if they bring gifts; all I wanted was for people to care enough to show up! This whole thing really makes it pretty clear who truly "has your back" and who doesn't, you know? And ah yes, my lovely sister....girl, you don't even want to know the half of it! Long story short, at first when we said we were having a DW, she said she could NOT afford to come to St. Lucia, so since I wanted her to attend, we switched our whole island choice to Jamaica and she came to the actual wedding itself. What's more hilarious about our sisterly-relationship is that she herself just got married in Dec. 09, but she only got married then because I went nuts on her for suggesting that she get wanted to have her wedding only 72 hours AFTER us on May 17, 2010 back in the U.S., when my husband and I would have still been in Jamaica on our mini-honeymoon -- this is the kind of BS I deal with! So I told my sister, if she can't spare 4 WHOLE hours for me, her own flesh and blood, because she simply cannot miss her husband's niece's surprise 13th birthday party (her argument for having to go was that this kid's birthday is a quote 'once in a lifetime event because someone only becomes a teenager once in their life'....) then she doesn't need to bother coming at all. I could beat my head against the wall sometimes, I swear!!

I just had to chime in...
my sister, or bitchster, as I like to refer to her, did not come to my DW, even with my parents offering to pay for her (her husband would have had to stay home with the kids or pay his own way) and she said no to that, said she couldn't afford to come, but afforded lots of other things in the meantime.
My parents were going to offer to pay for them to both come, and i told them not to, it obviously wasn't that important to them.

she did come to my AHR, but spent most of the time in the lobby with the kids, took lots of pictures, which i am still waiting for, and i have not spoken to her since then (May 22).

I hate sisters.

[MayBride2010]

I feel really bad for you If it makes you feel better my dad, who didn't come to Mexico for our wedding, decided not to come to my AHR because he was working. I was pretty devastated considering he was one of the main reasons I chose to have the reception in the first place. My dad has A LOT of money so that definitely wasn't the issue. Also like you, I have worked 2 jobs for the last 16 months to pay for the wedding and AHR.

 

I have been watching your journey on BDW and you were such an inspiration to me to keep, your head high and enjoy the day YOU worked hard to create. In the end, you did it all for you and your hubby.

[islandbride317]

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Originally Posted by MayBride2010 I feel really bad for you If it makes you feel better my dad, who didn't come to Mexico for our wedding, decided not to come to my AHR because he was working. I was pretty devastated considering he was one of the main reasons I chose to have the reception in the first place. My dad has A LOT of money so that definitely wasn't the issue. Also like you, I have worked 2 jobs for the last 16 months to pay for the wedding and AHR. I have been watching your journey on BDW and you were such an inspiration to me to keep, your head high and enjoy the day YOU worked hard to create. In the end, you did it all for you and your hubby.

OMG -- what you said is so sweet, I feel like I could cry!

I never thought I was an inspiration to anyone, so you have no idea how touched I am right now....thank you so, so much and it feels good to know that you and the other amazing women on here can identify with with what this nonsense feels like! (You know, sometimes, I think BDW is the ONLY thing that has kept me sane during this whole wedding/AHR planning process, and I am endlessly thankful to have you all as my online family!) HUGS!

And @ Michele -- your "bitchster", LOL! Yet another case of "you can pick your friends, but you can't pick your family", right?! IT'S SO FRUSTRATING that someone who you would *think* would be so supportive ends up being the biggest jackass of the lot! I feel for you....believe me, and thanks for reminding me that not everyone has a "sunshine and roses" relationship with their sister!

AND TO EVERYONE ELSE WHO HAS BEEN SO SUPPORTIVE, shared their issues, and offered words of advice -- I *SUPER HEART* YOU ALL!

[Island Princess]

AWWWWW Christie! Big Hugs!

Geez, I would be totally pissed too.

I have decided not to have a AHR as no one who came to our wedding seems to give a s**t that were married. Out of the 60+ we invited to our wedding (we had 23 guests attend)

We received only 1 card from someone who didnt come. 1. I'snt that ridiculous. Are people just slack these days or what?

 

I think they are expecting a party, but we think....why should we waste our money for this whole "present giving thing" when we don't think we would even get anything and they have proved it that no one really cares. Sorry i'm just alittle pissed. I would have just been happy with a card or something.

Am I being silly?

For the guests that made it, there prescence was enough for us!

[want2gosouth]

wow...i would be feeling awful and pretty bummed out too..your own sister taking off early to go attend a Bday party I think thats pretty rude and if I were you I would explain that this AHR is just as important as your wedding day...she probably feels like you wouldn't care if she left but you should probably let her know that you do feel hurt by it.

[islandbride317]

Thank you Island Princess and want2gosouth -- I appreciate your insight, and for what it's worth, we didn't get any freakin' cards from people that we invited to our actual DW but couldn't attend, either!! Sad to say, but it seems like almost all etiquette and standards of conduct have gone out the window in this day and age...

 

And as for my sister: UPDATE!!

She has decided to behave like a child and make thinly-veiled, RUDE comments about me on her facebook page over the past week, so not only have I removed her from my list of fb "friends", but I have informed her that she is OFFICIALLY NOT WELCOME at my AHR!

 

I mean, COME ON!! I'm 30 years old and she's 32, for goodness sake!! This is way past "ridiculous", so I've just decided not to devote any more of my attention or emotional energy to her, and unless she SERIOUSLY apologizes soon, I say to hell with it! She doesn't need to be there and ruin our time...and look on the bright side -- at least now she won't miss that all-important 13th birthday party, right?!

[nsbride2010]

wow...

 

I am so sympathetic about the turn-out disappointment. We invited 150, had 90 rsvp yes, and about 65 show up. Thankfully, we didn't invest too much money into it! The party will still rock (ours did) and you will have the people there who really WANT to be there! Drink 'till it's fun is a good motto... thats what I did! hahaha!

 

As for your sister, you're right to stop investing ANY time in her childish behaviour. I would be beyond mad if I had a sister that acted like that. Girl, its HER loss, not yours!!

[jajajaja]

Ugh- I was hoping your sister would have done a turn around, but taking it public on FB? Wow! That's a low of low. I get pissed at my sister sometimes but I would never think to make it so public. How did she respond when you uninvited her?

[islandbride317]

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Originally Posted by nsbride2010 wow... I am so sympathetic about the turn-out disappointment. We invited 150, had 90 rsvp yes, and about 65 show up. Thankfully, we didn't invest too much money into it! The party will still rock (ours did) and you will have the people there who really WANT to be there! Drink 'till it's fun is a good motto... thats what I did! hahaha! As for your sister, you're right to stop investing ANY time in her childish behaviour. I would be beyond mad if I had a sister that acted like that. Girl, its HER loss, not yours!!

Thank you, love! It feels good to know that my DH and I are not the only ones who've been let down by family and friends when it comes to these wedding-related events...and I hate to be petty, but I WILL remember those that were there for us and those that weren't for sure, including my sister! I hope she has someone else to call the next time the *sh!t* hits the fan with her husband and his family, as it has sooo many times before! Lil sis is tired of being there, when she can't do the same for me! Ggggrrr......

On a more positive note, I did want to mention that a few more people have rsvp'd and we are at 55 now, so it's a little better than I originally thought! Every little bit counts, right?!