Just Go Away!
Posted 19 July 2010 - 01:05 PM
She doesn't like the fact that we are getting married on a Sunday, and she thinks a 4pm wedding is too late and that we need to move it up. She told my FI that my favor boxes are "cheap and tacky," and she suggested I return them for something else after she made me open the box and mail her one of the boxes so that she can help with getting the local candy for them. Umm, you can't return them if you don't have them all and one has been used, and I'm not wasting $40 to just stick them in a closet and buy something else. She thinks I should spend extra to have a florist do my centerpieces instead of me doing them myself (all I'm doing is gerbera daisies in vases, nothing difficult). She wants everything to change, yet she offers no money to help with any of this stuff she thinks would be better.
FI and I had a big fight over the weekend because she told him that she thought that a lot of my ideas are stupid. I know he feels caught in the middle, but when I tried to talk to her over the weekend, she tried to act like she loved my ideas, which them made FI even more upset. He tried to talk to her, but she doesn't listen or seem to understand why we're frustrated. If she wants to give her input, fine, but do it when we initially ask you, not months later when things are paid for and we can't change them.
Posted 19 July 2010 - 01:16 PM
My advice- tell her politely that you like how you are planning it and if doesn't, then the "if you can't say nothing nice then don't say anything" rule applies. If your FI is passing on her opinions, then he needs to be reminded that it makes you want to strangle his mother so he needs to kindly let it go in one ear and out the other.
My matra- ignore, ignore, ignore. You can't change people like that. Don't let them change you!
Posted 19 July 2010 - 01:38 PM
Posted 19 July 2010 - 01:46 PM
I agree with the other ladies - MILs can be a real pain especially if your FI is the only child (trust me I know this first hand). If you have too politely remind her that it is yours and your FIs wedding day not hers.
I hope it gets better for you. Planning a wedding is stressful enough. We don't need the peanut gallery involved.
Posted 19 July 2010 - 02:07 PM
Posted 19 July 2010 - 02:49 PM
I have ignored a lot of things, but when it is on a daily basis and when I've already asked her to stop multiple times, it isn't that easy to keep ignoring. There was even a period of time when I refused to speak to her because I was tired of hearing her crap.
We've asked her to butt out of other areas of our life too, but she won't. She is critical of everything we do, and she treats my FI like he is still in high school when he is almost 30. He stands up to her constantly, but she just laughs and tells him to not be so silly.
Posted 19 July 2010 - 03:03 PM
Forget she is your MIL for a second and treat her like you would any other meddlesome witch. Tell her in no uncertain terms that it is your wedding that is being done your way and if she is worried about how it will turn out she can sit her worried ass at home and not subject herself to the stress. Let her know that nothing she can say or do will change anything and you will see that she is cut out of her blessed son's life if she doesn't back up. In other words, be so blunt it scares her and maybe she'll ease up a little.
I think women often put up with crap from MIL's out of respect for their sons, but respect is given where it is earned and she is out of control so let her know. Good luck!!!
Posted 19 July 2010 - 03:30 PM
Stay strong and best of luck!
Posted 19 July 2010 - 04:45 PM
I do feel for you though. Sounds like a really rough situation and I doubt it's ever going to improve unfortunately. Some people are just nasty and constantly negative. You gotta do what's right for you and your FI- like setting an automatic bomb off like Jamy said or just moving on and accepting she's a meddlesome bitch. I personally wouldn't give her anything to meddle in- don't tell her crap and ask your FI to do the same. If she asks you about something, tell her you aren't to that planning stage yet.
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