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am i being unreasonable?


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#61 miss_delerium

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    Posted 21 July 2010 - 11:30 AM

    I am actually in the same situation, except that is my FI's BROTHER that wants to propse to his gf...so there definately will be some "thunder stealing" taking place, because their whole family will be there, and he's the youngest sibling of 7 - last to get engaged.

    I said as long as it's after the wedding I'm okay with it. Just not before (which is only two days) or the day of - obviously.


    #62 Lite

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      Posted 21 July 2010 - 11:31 AM

      Quote:
      Originally Posted by carly
      Don't get me wrong, I'm all about it being tacky to get engaged AT someones wedding, but I don't see the problem with it before or after. And I'm kinda shocked at how many people really think that everyones entire vacation should revolve for the entire time around the wedding. You really think the entire week is about you (bride & groom)? Do you dedicate an entire week to every wedding that you go to? Then I don't really think it's fair to expect others to do the same.
      What ever happend to each their own?!! (opinion) Yeesh.

      I've never been to a DW wedding before, so i don't know if i would dedicate a whole week to the couple.
      I just believe that the week the guests are vacationing, they would remember why they are on vacation, that week. It's for the wedding!!

      #63 jajajaja

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        Posted 21 July 2010 - 11:32 AM

        I agree Nikki- very well stated.

        I think many of us "married folks" have also had a moment to step away from all the planning madness and look at the big picture. You gain a far greater perspective after the fact and realize that some of your mini-planning meltdowns were ridiculous and for no reason at all other than stress and nerves. Trust me- I bet so many of you will laugh at your B2B self and have moments when you were kinda crazy. This is one of those moments- kinda crazy. LOL

        I mean- if you all want to stress and freak out, by all means do so. Just thought some helpful advice talking you off that crazy ledge would be appreciated.
        Happily married since 2008

        #64 jajajaja

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          Posted 21 July 2010 - 11:37 AM

          Quote:
          Originally Posted by miss_delerium
          I am actually in the same situation, except that is my FI's BROTHER that wants to propse to his gf...so there definately will be some "thunder stealing" taking place, because their whole family will be there, and he's the youngest sibling of 7 - last to get engaged.

          I said as long as it's after the wedding I'm okay with it. Just not before (which is only two days) or the day of - obviously.
          Ya that is a TOTALLY different scenario because it is thunder stealing. You guys SHARE family and guests so it will get more recognition than the average "no body to anyone" guest proposing to another.

          After is a good compromise because you will be in wedding honeymoon bliss and a bird could shit on your parade and you'd still be happy. :)

          Quote:
          Originally Posted by Lite
          What ever happend to each their own?!! (opinion) Yeesh.
          Well obviously you had no problem expressing yours either!

          I've never been to a DW wedding before, so i don't know if i would dedicate a whole week to the couple.
          I just believe that the week the guests are vacationing, they would remember why they are on vacation, that week. It's for the wedding!!
          Yes- they are there for a wedding DAY. I hope they dedicate more time than that to participate in group activities and chill with you all, but I don't think guests are obiligated to. Unless your paying...
          Happily married since 2008

          #65 Erika J

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            Posted 21 July 2010 - 11:45 AM

            Wow, this is all insane, I guess I am just really laid back and super apprciative that all my family and friends loved me and my DH enought to travel on thier own $$ to share in my special DAY.

            I was actually HOPING that my sister's BF would propose on the trip so badly, NEVER did I feel like it would be thunder stealing or irritating. I love them and they love me and we all want the best for each other and are not jealous of such important life moments such as deciding to spend the rest of thier lives together. I would have honestly been honored. I mean how amazing would it have been that we would both share Dreams as such a special place and at similar dates!!

            It turns out they got engaged 2 weeks later at home on a quiet night. I guess some people may also consider that "not special" enough.

            But I guess as a family we are all just chill and support and want the best for one another, no matter what shape/form/vacation/wedding trip it comes on.

            #66 cougs

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              Posted 21 July 2010 - 12:10 PM

              Quote:
              Originally Posted by *Rachel*
              After is a good compromise because you will be in wedding honeymoon bliss and a bird could shit on your parade and you'd still be happy. :)
              BAHAHAHAA best.comment.ever. and so true! i too am having a hard time understanding the big deal here, but maybe bc i am not too fond of being the center of attention? (oh and p.s. i'm a leo too. guess i don't fit the mold.) or maybe it's bc i'm older. or married. at any rate, happening AT your actual wedding reception or AT your rehearsal dinner isn't the best of ideas, but any other time on THEIR vacation (in such a beautiful romantic setting) sounds like plans for a perfect proposal imo.

              #67 simplnsweet

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                Posted 21 July 2010 - 12:48 PM

                Quote:
                Originally Posted by simplnsweet
                ok....so my FI's best man is a great guy. He has come with his gf with us on our last two vacations to Mexico. He has now been together with his gf for about 1.5. This is the longest serious relationship he has been in and just this past jan he and her moved in together...another HUGE thing for him. He told my FI that he wants to propose to his gf the first or second night we are in Mexico. We are getting married on the third night and plan to have a welcome dinner the second night ( we arrive late on the first night so we moved the dinner). Jason told me this info but I am not suppose to know. Well, I was not cool with the idea at all. It is my wedding and really I don't ask for much but I really don't want him to do it. I am a Leo and well...am not afraid of attention. When I got engaged, I was soooooooooooooooooooooo happy. I shared my proposal story to my close friends and family and was so proud of my man. Jason had a feeling I was not going to be too pleased about this plan. He told his BM of how I may feel about this idea. The BM thought I would not have a problem with it. ..some people with congratulate him and then everyone will remember why they are there.... I think not! I know if it was the reverse, his gf would flip! I just think it inappropriate. I told my guy to suggest he do it after the wedding...at the very least. What do you all think? The more I think about it, the more I am peeved! Maybe at his wedding..(likely will be a DW) I should announce I am preggers...

                As you can read...I am ok with having him proprosed after the wedding...I am reading many comments suggesting that I don't want him to propose at all.
                We have the wedding rehersal dinner the night before and the day before that our welcome bon fire. The BM was thinking of doing it one of those days. I did not expect to have so many people make me out to be such as high maintainance self centred person. Also most of the guests DO know the couple really well.

                #68 Erika J

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                  Posted 21 July 2010 - 12:58 PM

                  Quote:
                  Originally Posted by simplnsweet
                  As you can read...I am ok with having him proprosed after the wedding...I am reading many comments suggesting that I don't want him to propose at all.
                  We have the wedding rehersal dinner the night before and the day before that our welcome bon fire. The BM was thinking of doing it one of those days. I did not expect to have so many people make me out to be such as high maintainance self centred person. Also most of the guests DO know the couple really well.

                  I apologize, my comment was meant to add an additional point of view. Additionally, I think I was more thrown off about all the comments that this is your wedding, it should be all about you, etc. Not ness just pointed at you as a person.

                  To answer you question, yes, the BM should be able to propose on your wedding trip. It is your discrestion if you want to ask him to do it after. Although my personal opinion is that is wont steal your thunder in any way, but give you soon to be husband and yourself a way to share a very special place with friends.

                  I think to a certain degree your wedding day is about the bride, but for the most part these are peoples vacations that they paid for, that is part of having a DW.

                  #69 Norma83

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                    Posted 21 July 2010 - 01:05 PM

                    I don't think you are being self-centered or unreasonable. I would ask him to wait till after the wedding too. I mean really, we take all this time to plan this wedding and even plan things like the bonfire and rehearsal so everyone can join in on the celebration and have it be a good time. I think its the principal of the situation and the fact is that they are there for your wedding. Yes they did spend money to be there but it was their choice. If they want to be there and vacation too it is there choice but they are ultimately there for your wedding. We all can give our opinion but it's easy for us to comment because most of us are not in your situation. I will say that if it were me, yes, of course it would bother me - would it ruin my wedding, no, not really but I would think it would be shady. I don't think you will let this take over your day and ruin your wedding events but I totally understand. In the end, just do what you want to do and go with how you feel. It doesn't matter what we say because we won't be there on your day.

                    Good luck and I hope all goes well on your big day! I'm sure it's going to be a blast regardless of what happens :)

                    #70 SDSteph

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                      Posted 21 July 2010 - 01:07 PM

                      I am an engagment product of my best friends wedding however my fiance waited until after the wedding (the next morning) to pop the question. Since I was there for a wedding I never in a million years thought he would do it then because I knew the trip was all about her.

                      It turns out great but it was after the wedding.........I would have felt weird if he did it before or at. Hopfully the following day is an option for him as the other brides also mentioned.

                      Good luck sweetie!
                      Steph and Kel Mayan Riveria - February 2011http://www.stephnkelwedding.com




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