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am i being unreasonable?


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#51 Banana11

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    Posted 20 July 2010 - 05:53 PM

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by CanadianLindsey
    I would be very annoyed too if someone did this to me (and it could happen as all of the groomsman at my DW are unmarried but in long term relationships!).
    But the first thought that went through my head was how will his gf feel? When my FI proposed to me it was on a weekend trip a couple hours away from our house, just the two of us in the mountains, and it meant a lot to me that he did it like that. I think this guy is taking the easy route out by using his buddy's DW to propose. He should really get creative and do something special for her, not just use all of your efforts and planning for his own means. It is kind of selfish and she may even be emabarrassed to tell her friends/family where and when he did it. Maybe if you tell him this angle he will change his mind? Good Luck!!

    Does anyone know of a couple that got engaged at another wedding? How did that go over??
    It is their vacation too. It's not taking the easy route using their vacation to propose. My goodness, he just wants to propose?! I can't even imagine telling people that are spending their hard earned money what they can and can't do on the trip. And not all girls need their boyfriends to do an over the top proposal. A romantic time alone on vacation sounds quite nice! Not everyone can afford to go on trips and for some people this could be a once in a lifetime thing. And to say she would be embarrassed by that is over the top. Who would say that?!

    #52 BachataBride

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      Posted 20 July 2010 - 06:00 PM

      I agree Andrea...I know lots of people that got married while on vacation! Maybe not at a DW...but a vacation is a vacation, is it not?? I still maintain that the day before & of the wedding is not really appropriate...but it is really NOT the end of the world either way!

      #53 LCBride2007

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        Posted 20 July 2010 - 08:45 PM

        Quote:
        Originally Posted by CanadianLindsey
        But the first thought that went through my head was how will his gf feel? When my FI proposed to me it was on a weekend trip a couple hours away from our house, just the two of us in the mountains, and it meant a lot to me that he did it like that. I think this guy is taking the easy route out by using his buddy's DW to propose. He should really get creative and do something special for her, not just use all of your efforts and planning for his own means. It is kind of selfish and she may even be emabarrassed to tell her friends/family where and when he did it. Maybe if you tell him this angle he will change his mind? Good Luck!!
        I am in shock that anyone would even consider being "embarassed" by how you were proposed to, I mean, that doens't even calculate in my head. A man you love is asking you to be his wife ... who the F cares WHERE he asks this, or even HOW? Maybe I am just way too laid back about stuff like this, but you don't get engaged so you have a story to tell. You get engaged because you want to spend the rest of your life with someone. From the guy's perspective, anyone that would care that much about the proposal isn't someone I'd want to marry anyway!

        And for the record, I think someone mentioned that all of the "married" ladies say that the OP was being unreasonable by being upset about sharing "her" wedding week. I think it has more to do with your personality and character than it does your marital status. I wouldn't have cared if someone asked if they could get married on our wedding week, I still had a beautiful ceremony with the man I love ... that was my goal! Having someone share that special day would have only made it that much more special. Apparently I am in the minority.

        #54 JulieG

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          Posted 20 July 2010 - 09:54 PM

          Okay, I was just reading and not going to comment, but I can't not anymore.

          All of you women saying that the entire wedding WEEK is about me me me me me and my wedding and don't steal my thunder need to get a grip and come back down to reality. Seriously!!! These people love you and are spending a crap load of money to be there for your big DAY. The rest of the week is their vacation, because THEY paid for it, so they can do whatever the hell they want to on their vacation, that THEY paid for.

          If he wanted to propose on your wedding day, not so cool, but again, its his vacation, that HE paid for. He would look like an ass, but it wouldn't take away from your wedding, because all those people are there for you and your wedding. That is what they paid the big bucks for. So no one is going to take that away, because they are all there for the same reason, to see you and your FH get married and celebrate it with you.

          Why is it so wrong that they celebrate something else while they are there too

          Are you all going to tell them what they can and can't do while there for the week, hell no, and why not, because its their vacation, that THEY paid for. I think you get my point.

          #55 Kristy!

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            Posted 21 July 2010 - 09:43 AM

            Well said Julie.

            I'm in the group that says it probably isn't the best idea for him to propose the night before or the day of. I would definitely be annoyed if it happened on my wedding day because a little piece of me wanted to be selfish and have that day just about DH and me. The whole week though? Please, do whatever you want!

            No one proposed, but guess what, very few people danced at my wedding. I was really disappointed about that. The reason I bring that up is because things will not go exactly as you hope and plan, so get used to that now. People will not do exactly what you want and you will hit a ton of speedbumps along the way. Just focus on yourself and FI since you have no control over anyone else. Don't forget the reason for your wedding.

            #56 bediva33

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              Posted 21 July 2010 - 09:50 AM

              No you're not being unreasonable. I wouldn't like it either. Does he not see the issue? He should wait until after the wedding. He could do it that night once they get back to their room. Or the next morning. He waited all this time why can't he wait another day?

              #57 carolina24

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                Posted 21 July 2010 - 09:56 AM

                Quote:
                Originally Posted by CanadianLindsey
                I would be very annoyed too if someone did this to me (and it could happen as all of the groomsman at my DW are unmarried but in long term relationships!).
                But the first thought that went through my head was how will his gf feel? When my FI proposed to me it was on a weekend trip a couple hours away from our house, just the two of us in the mountains, and it meant a lot to me that he did it like that. I think this guy is taking the easy route out by using his buddy's DW to propose. He should really get creative and do something special for her, not just use all of your efforts and planning for his own means. It is kind of selfish and she may even be emabarrassed to tell her friends/family where and when he did it. Maybe if you tell him this angle he will change his mind? Good Luck!!



                Does anyone know of a couple that got engaged at another wedding? How did that go over??
                agree...it would be better if he waited till after the actual day of the wedding, then the entire focus would be on his new FI, imo

                Quote:
                Originally Posted by JulieG
                Okay, I was just reading and not going to comment, but I can't not anymore.

                All of you women saying that the entire wedding WEEK is about me me me me me and my wedding and don't steal my thunder need to get a grip and come back down to reality. Seriously!!! These people love you and are spending a crap load of money to be there for your big DAY. The rest of the week is their vacation, because THEY paid for it, so they can do whatever the hell they want to on their vacation, that THEY paid for.

                If he wanted to propose on your wedding day, not so cool, but again, its his vacation, that HE paid for. He would look like an ass, but it wouldn't take away from your wedding, because all those people are there for you and your wedding. That is what they paid the big bucks for. So no one is going to take that away, because they are all there for the same reason, to see you and your FH get married and celebrate it with you.

                Why is it so wrong that they celebrate something else while they are there too

                Are you all going to tell them what they can and can't do while there for the week, hell no, and why not, because its their vacation, that THEY paid for. I think you get my point.
                i definately don't think the ENTIRE week is about the wedding AT ALL, but he can respect the fact that he IS there for THEIR wedding and wait until the DAY AFTER....not too much to ask.

                and i might be the third person to say this, but it is VERY INTERESTING that most of the "no big deals" are coming from the ladies who are already married. maybe some of you are really laid back and really wouldn't be bothered, maybe once we are all married, we'll come back to this and realize that nothing could ever take away from our weddings, but try to remember being a B2B and how excited/nervous/anxious you were about every aspect of YOUR weddings BEFORE they actually took place....

                #58 ~Nicole~

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                  Posted 21 July 2010 - 10:42 AM

                  Quote:
                  Originally Posted by carolina24
                  and i might be the third person to say this, but it is VERY INTERESTING that most of the "no big deals" are coming from the ladies who are already married. maybe some of you are really laid back and really wouldn't be bothered, maybe once we are all married, we'll come back to this and realize that nothing could ever take away from our weddings, but try to remember being a B2B and how excited/nervous/anxious you were about every aspect of YOUR weddings BEFORE they actually took place....
                  Of course we all remember! That's exactly why I'm even commenting on this thread. We all had our moments and we had the help of brides who had been through it to help us remember what was important. If you focus on all the little things you WILL drive yourself crazy. There's tons of things that I wish I didn't bother to lose sleep on. So that's the point. We're here to help you guys, not bash you. I'm grateful for the brides that helped me to realize that some things were honestly very trivial. I bet that when this is all over, the OP will come back to this thread and think "why the hell was I even worried about that?" We're only offering advice and opinions from our own experiences. Take it or leave it.
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                  #59 BachataBride

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                    Posted 21 July 2010 - 11:01 AM

                    Perfectly said Nikki!!!

                    #60 Lady_Di

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                      Posted 21 July 2010 - 11:10 AM

                      I am trying to put myself in the position. If the guy proposed the night before, I would be a bit annoyed but another day of the week, no I won't be. Like someone said, i don't think the girl will be flaunting her ring around the guests. It's just dumb to do that at a wedding.

                      I agree that any other day of the week of the wedding or after the wedding is a good time but we can't tell people when to propose. it is crazy.




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