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jerzshortstuff

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I have a similiar situation actually when I was mentioning my DW to my ex boyfriend who is now a friend of my FH and I. Just because we are friends doesn't mean I want him and his gf at my wedding - he is still an ex! My family doesn't care for him at all. Bottom line is it's your wedding and you should have ONLY who YOU want to be there. If you don't feel comfortable then do not invite them. Tell them it's close family only and it will be a smaller wedding. You need to decide if it's still important to have the friend there and what would be the bigger loss.

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Quote:
Originally Posted by carolina24 View Post
you do have control as to who comes to your wedding!! just be firm about it! it's YOUR wedding day and this guy who you and FI hardly ever see, doesn't have to be invited. so many of us on here have issues with these types of situations.

i'll tell you right now that from experience that i have lost several "friends" during the process of planning this wedding. FI and i agreed from the beginning that only CLOSE friends and family were invited...we sent out invites to a few friends that are not dating anyone seriously and did not give them a "plus one"; they can bring who they want to on their vacation, but THEIR guests were not invited to OUR wedding...needless to say, they were upset by this and aren't coming and we haven't heard from them since; AND I COULD CARE LESS, LOL!!!

this isn't highschool it's your WEDDING!! if this guy is really a friend, then he'll completely understand if you don't want this chick at the wedding; if not then he doesn't need to be there...just be firm in your decisions and don't let anyone make you feel bad or weird about it!

I totally agree!! You DO have control on who comes!!! Do not feel intimidated! Tell your fiance that he can't go!

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Thanks ladies! FI knows I don't care for her, but I don't think the girl really knows because I've never been rude or flat out told her I didn't like her (thats just not my way). So I guess its something we will really have to sit down and discuss.

 

I never really thought I had control over who was invited to our wedding since the resort is a public place, but after hearing all of your advice, I now understand that I do. So, I hope we'll be able to come to an understanding on this one. At the same time, FI doesn't have much family. I hate being stuck in situations like this. I guess the best thing to do is discuss it with him and see where it takes us. I figured I'd ask for advice first since I didn't know how to approach the issue. Thanks for all of your help!

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Sounds like you've got a couple of issues here and maybe it would help to break them down first.

I guess the first question you guys should ask yourselves, do you really even want this guy at your wedding. Sure, he could always hop a flight down there and stay at the same resort but it doesn't mean he can just come to your wedding. That's what invites are for. If you just don't want him there, tell him it's close family and friends only and the resort cannot accomodate larger wedding parties (he won't know the difference).

Or maybe you do want him there and you just don't want this chick he's bringing to be there. In which case, you need to tell him. Maybe you can say that you're just not comfortable with him bringing some girl you don't know who isn't even his girlfriend (which, as others have also said, is totally weird and NOT appropriate!)...maybe you can explain to him that you just don't find it appropriate without bringing down or saying anything negative about the girl.

So with either option, I think you need to consider which is worse: having them both there at your wedding and them being happy but you feeling totally uncomfortable and annoyed by their presence OR you being relieved that they aren't there and being able to enjoy your special day with those you care about while knowing that this friendship (which doesn't sound all that close to begin with?) may be severed because of your decision. Personally, I'd be quite fine going with option two but that might not be for everybody. Goodluck :)

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Could it be possible that you just got a bad first impression of this girl? You said that you've only hung out once since you've been with FI, so I'm guessing you barely know her. I know the situation is weird, but maybe she hasn't been given a fair chance? Just putting a different perspective on things.

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I would say that I don't want someone there that I don't know. I want this to be intimate with close friends and family. I wouldn't want to look back 10 years from now at a group photo and say "Who's that girl?"

 

It's like bridal parties. So many of my friends look back at their bridal party pictures and there's a girl that they are no longer friends with. I think it kinda ruins the moment. (I don't know if any of that made sense!)

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