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Can You Un-Invite People once you tell them you're going to invite them?


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#1 msmarmar123

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    Posted 13 July 2010 - 10:37 AM

    Hey...
    FI and I are working on our guest list and we've already gone through family and friends requesting addresses , etc...
    Now..looking at our list we realize there are way more people than we can afford/want (afford for him..want for me )

    So...what is the "proper" way to uninvite guests (that are all basically family that probably wouldn't really go in the 1st place but are those "have to" invites) that haven't technically been invited yet..but think they are goign to be?

    For my half (my family)..I'm not super close to them and this is my 2nd wedding..they were all at my 1st

    For FI..this is his 1st and I can see him wanting everyone there...and it's all family that if you invite one person..how can you not invite the next?

    Help Please :)

    #2 JanineA

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      Posted 13 July 2010 - 10:54 AM

      My situation is similar. This is my 2nd marriage but FI's first. I have 8 aunts and uncles on my mom's side and 15 on my father's side and dozens of cousins. (our initial guest list was close to 300 because I felt obligated to invite family). I'm not close to either side so my mom told me don't feel pressured to invite them for the sake of being polite. I eventually told friends and family that we would be having a small wedding and since our family is so large I would not be able to invite everyone but hope that I would still have their well wishes. Because times are so hard they all understood and in fact most of them were just really surprised that I made the effort to inform them since they haven't seen or spoken to me in over 16 years. I did invite 2 of my Aunts (they have been the closest to me, one was my teacher in kindergarden and the other lives in the US and helped me tremendously when I first moved here).
      Some people may feel slighted but I think if you let them know that you would like to keep it small and intimate and though you would love their presence you can't afford it they will understand.

      #3 jk1101

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        Posted 13 July 2010 - 11:15 AM

        If you haven't sent out invites or even STDs yet, I think you're ok. When you do start to send things out, if anyone says anything, you can tell them that you decided to make it a very small intimate event for extremely close family and friends only.

        #4 Thomasjsgirl

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          Posted 13 July 2010 - 12:53 PM

          The only way to make sure your guest list remains in the range you're comfortable with, is to simply not invite everyone ... but ... having said that, from my own experience we invited all of our family and friends knowing full well that not everyone would come. We lucked out as only 42 showed up (out of a possible 250). It was a risk, but definitely ensured there were no ruffled feathers!
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          #5 Sax Lady

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            Posted 13 July 2010 - 12:56 PM

            I agree with the ladies. Just let them know that you are trying to keep it small and only inviting close family and friends.

            #6 islandbride317

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              Posted 13 July 2010 - 01:11 PM

              Quote:
              Originally Posted by Thomasjsgirl
              The only way to make sure your guest remains in the range you're comfortable with, is to simply not invite everyone ... but ... having said that, from my own experience we invited all of our family and friends knowing full well that not everyone would come. We lucked out as only 42 showed up (out of a possible 250). It was a risk, but definitely ensured there were no ruffled feathers!
              Ditto!

              We knew that even though 50 invitations went out for our actual DW in Jamaica, that we would end up with a small group anyway, based on the economy and other factors -- and sure enough, we were a group of 10 plus the bride and groom! But, NOBODY can say they weren't invited/included, now can they?!

              But alas, we're running into another situation: who can we afford to invite vs. who do we WANT to invite! We ended up figuring that since we had already invited EVERYONE to the wedding in Jamaica, we felt that no one could really be upset if they weren't invited to the AHR (since we had already tried to include them and they declined).

              This was not meant to be spiteful; it's just that we can't invite everyone under the sun since WE are paying for everything and can only invite the people we REALLY would like to have there.

              So, we have gotten back a few "no's" so far, but we had to be prepared to pay for each and every person we sent an invitation to if they all said "yes" -- you've got to draw the line somewhere!

              #7 fallfromgrace

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                Posted 13 July 2010 - 01:38 PM

                I am facing the same issue. I have a grandmother that dosen't really like me, but that wants to come to our wedding. I am not sure I really want her there, but it becomes and issue with my own parents. How do I tell them I don't want her there?

                It is a tough decision.

                #8 msmarmar123

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                  Posted 13 July 2010 - 02:15 PM

                  Quote:
                  Originally Posted by fallfromgrace
                  I am facing the same issue. I have a grandmother that dosen't really like me, but that wants to come to our wedding. I am not sure I really want her there, but it becomes and issue with my own parents. How do I tell them I don't want her there?

                  It is a tough decision.

                  I'm kind of in a similar situation since the family I'll be "dis"-inviting is all on my Dad's side...he passed away about a year and a half ago...
                  Him and my mom have been divorced for awhile and my mom doesn't get along with his side of the family..
                  If my dad were still alive...of course all would be invited (I'd also probably have a bigger budget--which sounds horrendous...but it's the truth) and if it was a bigger event, everyone could stay away from each other (which is how it was at my 1st wedding).
                  But because it IS a vacation and a smaller group..it should be up to you (and me) who we want there...
                  I want my mom over my dad's family....

                  I guess what it comes down to...it's OUR wedding....we make the rules :)

                  #9 msmarmar123

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                    Posted 13 July 2010 - 02:20 PM

                    We are hoping to have some sort of AHR after we get back...August of 2012...but it's all about budget and that's soooo far away that I can only focus on so much at a time....2 years from now I have no idea who I'm going to invite. If it was my 1st wedding...it's be different. And I feel bad because it IS FI's 1st (AND ONLY) wedding...but...unless he wants to ask his parents for more $$$ (especially when they haven't yet confirmed how much they are actually contributing and my mom has already given her donation (PLUS bought us our house so she's good!))...I don't feel as bad as I probably should. Part of the reason we are doing destination is to get away from all the traditional wedding and guests, etc....so inviting all of his family (some I have never even met) doesn't make total sense to me....
                    Sorry for ranting :)

                    #10 miss_delerium

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                      Posted 13 July 2010 - 02:25 PM

                      Quote:
                      Originally Posted by fallfromgrace
                      I am facing the same issue. I have a grandmother that dosen't really like me, but that wants to come to our wedding. I am not sure I really want her there, but it becomes and issue with my own parents. How do I tell them I don't want her there?

                      It is a tough decision.
                      I understand this situation! My godfather/uncle who sent me this: http://bestdestinati....ml#post1354465 book, I didn't really want to invite. I don't think he'd come, but on the off-chance he did, I didn't want him there. But then my mom was all upset because its her brother. Why do wedding invites have to get so political?




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