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My FH is ruining my dream wedding ... how do I compromise?


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#11 *tinkertoy*

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    Posted 09 July 2010 - 07:56 PM

    Rachel took the words out of my mouth.

    #12 *beachbride*

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      Posted 09 July 2010 - 08:22 PM

      Quote:
      Originally Posted by *Rachel*
      What the heck? I'm really surprised that more than one of you are having this dilemna. So ask the men this- are they just desiring a group vacation or something? If so, this is a helluva expensive way to go about it! I guess I just don't get what they think a point of the wedding is.... just a 10-15 min ceremony? Might as well go to Justice of Peace!

      And sorry Mrs. Williams- his cousin's wedding gets a big thumbs down. Bride and groom go separate ways after ceremony?? So freaking bizarre that I can't even wrap my mind around it. If the dudes wanna play bball- do it BEFORE the wedding while the ladies are getting ready for 3 hours! Geesh.
      Well said, I have to agree.

      #13 heartbeat

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        Posted 09 July 2010 - 08:46 PM

        I'm going to have to agree with Rachel..... I know that my reception is going to be an all out PARTY!!!! We still going to have the traditional wedding reception things but we also plan on all our guest having a great time. After all the reason for the whole trip is "Our Wedding"

        #14 Mrs. Williams

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          Posted 09 July 2010 - 09:26 PM

          These are my sentiments exactly. He also said that he doesn't understand why our budget is $14,000 for a destination wedding. He said that if I wanted to do all of this stuff, then we should have the wedding in the states. However, I've already spent the money and time on the STDs - I will post when I'm completely finished. He didn't want much of a say in the wedding, until I started planning it and now he has an opinion about everything.

          #15 jajajaja

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            Posted 09 July 2010 - 11:18 PM

            So based on your location I would think weddings are really expensive there. Maybe show him what a home town wedding would cost-- just look up venues and show him the price just to rent it. I bet he would change his tune. When we were wedding planning, my husband had the whole "I thought we were doing this to save money" complaint too. I used a recent friend's wedding that spent $10k and said- "see what they got? Barely crap. See what we can do in MX with that money?" He finally got it and was much more supportive.

            You just have to remember that wedding talk isn't part of a normal guy's existence. They don't get how expensive photography, catering, wedding venue, attire, etc is. Especially anything "wedding" related. We get it, but most of them don't. Just show him what you know...
            Happily married since 2008

            #16 starchild

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              Posted 09 July 2010 - 11:50 PM

              Quote:
              Originally Posted by sungoddess_08
              Unfortunately the name of your post puts a very negative spin on the situation - you have to remember that it's both of your wedding and his opinions should not result in "ruining" the day. You should sit down and write the things that are most important to both of you and then figure out a way to do it. We had all the traditions you mentioned and we still had an amazing simple, low key wedding. There are many ways to make it work, but I think you need to alter your "dream" wedding to meet both of your needs.
              I totally agree with this.

              It's not your dream wedding, it should reflect both of your dreams. If your dreams don't match up then you have to work it out but it doesn't mean you get to outright win, you know?

              If the details are causing this much conflict maybe you should tone it down a bit. Too many otherwise happy relationships are hurt by the drama that a bride with a dream creates.

              Not saying you shouldn't get some of the things that are important to you, but don't lose sight of the feelings of the man you love enough to want to marry.

              Quote:
              Originally Posted by *Rachel*
              And sorry Mrs. Williams- his cousin's wedding gets a big thumbs down. Bride and groom go separate ways after ceremony?? So freaking bizarre that I can't even wrap my mind around it. If the dudes wanna play bball- do it BEFORE the wedding while the ladies are getting ready for 3 hours! Geesh.
              Yeah that is bizarre!

              #17 Mrs. Williams

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                Posted 10 July 2010 - 12:06 AM

                @ Rachel - That is really good advice. I will break down the costs for him. I've already given him the budget that I altered from The Knot. I mean, where else can you have a reception for 60 people for $1250 ($1,000 +26% tax and gratuity) which includes their meal, drinks and dessert.

                @ Starchild, I quite understand that the wedding day is about both of us and it's about compromising; however, I'm finding it very difficult to find the happy medium and show him that we both can get what we want. Currently, his option is to have a wedding more like his cousins, and in 10 years, give me the wedding of my dreams. I want more of the dream now and NEVER do I want his cousin's wedding.

                #18 starchild

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                  Posted 10 July 2010 - 12:19 AM

                  LOL yeah I wouldn't want his cousin's wedding at any point either. I hope you can see eye to eye and have a wedding you both enjoy.

                  #19 jajajaja

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                    Posted 10 July 2010 - 12:37 AM

                    I can see how a happy medium would be hard to find. I mean what's the middle of "go play basketball with boys after ceremony" and "have traditional reception?" Maybe you could have a game of horse during reception instead of dancing? lol Personally, I would have a big discussion of what you both are willing to give up to make the other happy. I just don't get the reasoning of having a destination wedding if you don't really want to welll.... have a wedding?

                    But I do agree that the thread title and some of the other statements is a little harsh, but I'm assuming your just feisty about your man being difficult. When you guys have a talk be sure to use "we" language etc. If you come out with the "my wedding" stuff, etc you might not have as of a cooperating FI to talk with, KWIM?
                    Happily married since 2008

                    #20 TammyWright

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                    Posted 10 July 2010 - 12:53 AM

                    do all the traditional stuff like first dance, garter/bouquet toss, speeches early on while people are eatting (well, maybe not the toss part), that way when that is out of the way, people can get smashed and party.

                    compromise.

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