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My FH is ruining my dream wedding ... how do I compromise?

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#1 Mrs. Williams

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    Posted 09 July 2010 - 03:15 PM

    My fiance and I have been dating for almost 6 years. For the last 5 years I've been dreaming of this wedding and I've been planning. Now that the time is finally here, he wants something completely different than I do. I want the tradition of the wedding in the States complete with the elegance and flare to be merged with the simplicity of the Dominican Republic. He is fighting me tooth and nail. He says that he doesn't think our friends and family want to pay all that money to join us to have to spend an entire evening doing wedding stuff (i.e., ceremony and a traditional reception).

    How do I get the traditional reception that I want, complete with the first dance, garter toss, and serenades from our fraternities and sororities, and a dance with my father to meld with the "all out party" that he's looking for?

    PLEASE HELP!!!!!!!

    #2 sungoddess_08

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      Posted 09 July 2010 - 03:48 PM

      Unfortunately the name of your post puts a very negative spin on the situation - you have to remember that it's both of your wedding and his opinions should not result in "ruining" the day. You should sit down and write the things that are most important to both of you and then figure out a way to do it. We had all the traditions you mentioned and we still had an amazing simple, low key wedding. There are many ways to make it work, but I think you need to alter your "dream" wedding to meet both of your needs.

      #3 Mrs. Williams

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        Posted 09 July 2010 - 03:53 PM

        Sungoddess, I am definitely trying to alter my "dream" to align with his, but it seems difficult to do. I'm not asking for a lot. I'm simply asking for 30 minutes of structure at the reception, a reception that he doesn't want AT ALL. He wants the ceremony and a cake cutting ceremony.

        Where do we find the middle ground?

        #4 damaris

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          Posted 09 July 2010 - 03:55 PM

          I have been to plenty of "Traditional weddings" that are "all out parties"
          You can have your garter toss and Father/daughter dance and yes he can have the awesome fun party. The music and vibe will accomplish that. There are plenty of brides on this site that will tell you that they were able to mesh both worlds. But like sungoddess says a wedding is about two people, and a marriage is about some compromise


          #5 Thomasjsgirl

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            Posted 09 July 2010 - 03:56 PM

            DWs are still fairly uncommon, although they are gaining in popularity (this site is a testament to that!). What your FI doesn't understand is that you can have as much, or as little, of the traditional trappings as you want. It doesn't matter whether it's at home or on an island. The only "issue" would be the amount of people that won't be joining you because of the cost. Sure, many people would view a DW as a vacation, others would view it as a financial burden. You will have to determine how important is it to have as many of your friends/relatives celebrate with you. And remember that even some of your closest friends/relatives may not be able to come due to work, financial or other constraints. You could always compromise and have the DW of your dreams and an AHR when you get back.
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            #6 jajajaja

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              Posted 09 July 2010 - 05:09 PM

              I'm confused.... why would all those people want to fly down for a wedding that isn't really a "wedding?" Sorry, but the ceremony is the worst part of it for me. LOL Receptions are where it's at- food, drinks, dancing, partying, having a good time. Maybe you guys have been to too many boring weddings so his idea of what a reception looks like is clouded.
              Happily married since 2008

              #7 Mrs. Williams

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                Posted 09 July 2010 - 05:25 PM

                I think you're right. But also, his cousin had a destination wedding and they had a ceremony and that was it. After the ceremony the guys played basketball and the girls did their own thing. The bride and groom didn't see each othe until bedtime. That's NOT what I want for my wedding day.

                #8 tracy0716

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                  Posted 09 July 2010 - 06:28 PM

                  You can definitely have all the things you want like a first dance, father/daughter dance, garter toss etc. and still have a rocking party reception! Make sure you hire a good DJ and express what each of you wants. If you're willing to spend the extra cash you can pay for lighting and a lighted dance floor to give more of a party feel. You can also continue your party at the resort club and/or casino after your dinner reception. I really think it's possible for both of you to have what you want at your wedding...good luck!

                  #9 Bride Loving CJ

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                    Posted 09 July 2010 - 07:06 PM

                    Mrs. Williams I am having the exact same problem!! I will be following this thread very closely to ensure I pick up all the advice that is being offered!

                    Best wishes!

                    #10 jajajaja

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                      Posted 09 July 2010 - 07:28 PM

                      What the heck? I'm really surprised that more than one of you are having this dilemna. So ask the men this- are they just desiring a group vacation or something? If so, this is a helluva expensive way to go about it! I guess I just don't get what they think a point of the wedding is.... just a 10-15 min ceremony? Might as well go to Justice of Peace!

                      And sorry Mrs. Williams- his cousin's wedding gets a big thumbs down. Bride and groom go separate ways after ceremony?? So freaking bizarre that I can't even wrap my mind around it. If the dudes wanna play bball- do it BEFORE the wedding while the ladies are getting ready for 3 hours! Geesh.
                      Happily married since 2008

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