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I just lost my Papa :-(

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#1 peterpanpixiedust

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    Posted 24 June 2010 - 12:39 PM

    So I just got back from my site visit this past weekend. And on Father's day I was going to unpack, visit my dad, then go with him to see my Papa (my dad's dad). I got a really late start though because we had an ant infestation and I had to deal with that first. By the time I got home, my dad was about to leave for Papa's house. I wasn't ready to go, because I wanted to visit my mom too and show our engagement photos. My dad said it was no big deal, that I would see Papa some other time. Well, I got home from work yesterday and got a call that he passed away. Just never woke up. I know he's in heaven with so many others that we have lost unfairly early in our family, and he's with my Baba. It just still hurts.

    I feel like I've been robbed. He's my last grandparent and I lost all my others ones so early. My first grandma died from Lou Garigs disease (ALS), my Baba (dad's mom) died from Cancer, and my other grandpa died from a mixture of cancer and heart problems very suddenly two years ago. My Papa was healthy and there were no warning signs. I thought I had forever with him. His body just decided to stop I guess. I just really wanted my last grandparent to see me get married. My dad's depressed because he wanted his dad to see his first son retire (dad's retiring in two weeks and would have had more time to spend with him). My dad was crying and he never cries. He was relieved to see my Baba go, because she was suffering. But Papa was just silently taken. I'm sorry to go on and on, but I am an only child and sometimes I feel so alone in these situations. I feel like an entire generation has been ripped from my family and now the torch is passed down just a bit closer to me. I feel I have less security and now I'm turning into the wise one that the younger ones turn to. I just feel lost. :-(

    Thanks for listening...

    #2 msglave

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      Posted 24 June 2010 - 12:51 PM

      Chris, I am sorry to hear about your loss. I know how you feel. My dad passed away in 2004 and my FI dad passed away in 2005. All of his grandparents have passed away and out of six (one set of step) grandparents, I only have one left. He is 96 years old and suffering from prostate cancer. Therefore, our fathers or grandparents won't be there to see us get married.

      Know this--The Lord will never put more on you than you can handle. Although you are hurting right now, it WILL get better with time. The good thing is that your Papa got to know that you are happy and will be well taken care of. He also got to know that your dad is retiring. He may not be here in the physical to witness this, but he will forever be in your hearts. I will pray that God gives you and your family strength through this difficult time.
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      #3 skadow

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        Posted 24 June 2010 - 12:57 PM

        I’m so sorry to hear that hun,

        It must be really hard for you right now. I hope your FI is being really supportive and giving you lots of hugs. It must be especially hard because the situation because it just doesn’t seem far, and its not. It’s not far at all. And you have every right to be as mad or upset as you are.

        You said you feel like you have to me the older adult one now... especially with your dad so sad, but make sure you give your self as much time as you need to grieve. You really need to take care of yourself first. You can help others even better when you’re ok first.

        Take a few days off work if you can / want, vent on here as much as you want and think how lucky you are to have your FI. As one part of your life ends, another is just starting. And I am sure your Papa wants to see you happy and can't wait to watch your wedding from heaven.

        Please Let us know if there is anything we can do to help. I have found holding a pet / FI / or even my stuffed panda bear and loving something during hard times really helps.


        #4 tris

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          Posted 24 June 2010 - 12:59 PM

          I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. Even though I have all my grandparents, I have a very special connection with my grandpa (my mom's dad). He's actually going to be the one who's walking me down the aisle because he's more of a father figure to me than my dad ever was.

          When I was in my first year of university he suddenly had a stroke. I got the phone call and literally ran 2km to my BF's house to get his car and get over there. I spent the next few months by his side and almost failed every class I was in but didn't care. It was so sudden as well because he's an extremely young, healthy man, eats well, keeps busy, and had absolutely no health problems. Today - almost 6 years later - he's still in a wheelchair, half paralyzed, but alive, and I thank God everyday that I still have him in my life. He made it through an intense stroke that the doctor's gave him a less than 25% survival rate.

          Sorry for my rambling... I guess it just proves how important grandparents can be in our lives. I'm so sorry you won't have your Papa, but I'm sure he'll be looking down from heaven and smiling.
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          #5 TammyWright


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          Posted 24 June 2010 - 01:19 PM

          my grandfather was sick and couldn't make it to my wedding and passed away before i had my baby.

          i always have so much regret that i did not spend enough time with him.

          i am so sorry for your loss.

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          #6 Mischaka

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            Posted 24 June 2010 - 01:31 PM

            Oh i'm sooo sorry to hear. And I totally understand where you are coming from. My last grandparent died earlier this year. We were really close too. And she was the only grandparent I got to meet. I am the youngest grandchild so I know what it's like to not have a whole generation to learn from. Just be glad you were to able to get some time with him. He's gonna be watching over you for the rest of life.

            #7 JanineA

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              Posted 24 June 2010 - 01:43 PM

              Chris I am so sorry for your loss. I know that nothing I can say will take away your pain right now but I hope they will be of comfort. Cherish your Papa for all that he was and the legacy that he has left behind in a wonderful son (your father) and a beautiful granddaughter (you). Unfortunately my grandparents passed away while I was young except for my mom's dad, him I was able to get to know and cherish him, he passed when I was 22. The others passed while I was between the ages of 3 to 8, so my memories are vague. I wish I could remember them but I can't very much.
              Cherish your memories of your Papa. Grieve and heal and know that somewhere from up above he will be watching you walk down the aisle and every day hereafter. He lives on in your heart. I'm very sorry for you loss.

              #8 hoyt75

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                Posted 24 June 2010 - 01:44 PM

                I'm really sorry that your Papa passed away. I know it's really hard to loose a loved one and nothing any one says can possibly make you feel better. My Poppie is in really bad shape right now and could pass away any day. I'm hoping that I'll be able to see him before he passed on but he's home (Vermont) and I live in Texas and it's really going to be really hard for me to be able to go home and see him. To make it worse, I haven't seen my Poppie in 5 years, so I would be really mad w/ my self if I didn't get to see him one last time. I understand how you feel.

                Just know that there are plenty of people around you, especially here on bdw, that are here to love, encourage and support you.

                #9 *Krista*

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                  Posted 24 June 2010 - 01:47 PM

                  Oh Chris, I'm so sorry that you are going through something like this, and that you feel so alone because you are an only child. Make sure you take lots of time for you, to recover and heal, and to support your dad.

                  I believe the same as msglave, and that God will not give you anything you cannot handle. We are all human, and we must grieve, but in time, you will have strength, and each day there will be a little less pain and the positive memories, the laughs, and smiles will start to shine through.

                  BIG HUGS!!!!
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                  #10 peterpanpixiedust

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                    Posted 24 June 2010 - 03:16 PM

                    Thank you all. I really feel like I have a family here! Thank you so much Tammy for creating this place for us to share our lives. I'm so sorry your grandfather never got to see your little one and I am praying your Hoyt's Poppie and everyone of here who has lost a loved one. I love you all!

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