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Who paid for your dress

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#1 Lindslou

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    Posted 22 June 2010 - 10:17 PM

    Hey girls

    This past weekend I bought my dress. I made a point to wait till my mom was here to get it. Please let me know if I am being old fashioned but I was surprised and hurt that my mom didn't want to have anything to do with paying for my dress. Let me clarify, my dad passed away 2 years ago and my mom has more than enough money, so that is not a factor. We are doing a DW mostly because I know that my emotions will be a mess. I really hoped that my mom would want to do something special for me or sentimental for my wedding. I just get the impression that she is not supporting us. I know our wedding is still a ways away but what do you think
    Looking to share a photographer the middle of Feb 2011 in Holguin Cuba


    #2 finleys7

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      Posted 22 June 2010 - 10:26 PM

      Linds - I think that it's a tough position to be in. One can never assume that a parent or parents should pay for any part of the wedding. I know from experience, I didn't want to assume, although my parents helped, as did his, but until I had the dreaded conversation with my parents I wasn't banking on their support. Times are EXTREMELY different then years ago when the brides family paid.

      I think the best way to handle this is to talk to your mom. Nothing will be resolved by assuming and not talking about it. Old fashinioned or not, she may surprise you. Just talk it out and make it point that you need to nail down your budget and you don't want to take anything for granted...

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      #3 JanineA

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        Posted 22 June 2010 - 10:32 PM

        I agree with Finley. Times have changed. My FI and I are paying for our wedding ourselves. Both our parents gifted us money but we neither expected it nor took it for granted. I paid for my dress solo...but that was mostly because I didn't want any opinions on what my dress should be. No one has seen my dress...no one. My mom did express being hurt cause she did want to see it and give her opinion but then she understood cause she later expressed she envisioned me in a huge ballgown and when I described my actual dress she was happy cause she admitted her emotions may kicked in and she may have selfishly forced me to get a ballgown.
        I think you should talk to your mom. She could have been planning to give you jewelry, or contribute in some other sentimental way but you won't know until you sit down and have a heart to heart.

        #4 Lindslou

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          Posted 22 June 2010 - 10:56 PM

          Thanks girls!!!

          It is a tuff spot, part of me feels bad cause my FI parents have helped us out so much. I should talk to her but I don't want her to feel that by me bringing it up she has to help out. I am also glad that I did buy my dress, my mom was not sure about the TTD so this way it is my purchase. Guess I will sit back and see what happens, no matter what we will have a wonderful wedding !!!
          Looking to share a photographer the middle of Feb 2011 in Holguin Cuba


          #5 Shoesiesluvr

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            Posted 22 June 2010 - 10:57 PM

            I agree with the other girlies, you really should sit down and talk to your mother about everything that way you dont hold a grudge against her...to answer your question, my FI and I are totally paying for the wedding ourselves but my parents have bought me my dress, jewelry and shoes so pretty much paid for my attire...hope this helps
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            #6 tracy0716

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              Posted 22 June 2010 - 11:04 PM

              Definitely talk to your mom...like Janine said, she might have some other way of contributing and you won't know unless you talk. We're paying for the wedding completely ourselves. I've known for a very long time that my parents weren't going to pay for a wedding. They would rather help us with buying our home, which I prefer. I hope everything works out for you!

              #7 msglave

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                Posted 23 June 2010 - 12:01 AM

                I paid for my dress. My mom didn't offer. I was a little salty that she or my FI mom didn't offer to give us anything but then remembered although it's traditional, it's not mandatory. It's their money so they should spend it the way they like. My FI and I both agreed we wouldn't ask them to contribute but if they decided to, it would be welcomed. Then, one day out of the blue, my mom offered to pay for our AHR. She said that she had been planning to give us the money as a down payment on our new house, but if we wanted it for our AHR, she would do so. My FI mom talked to my mom and told her she would go half. So, my mom told me she would still give us the other half for our house. I guess it's how you look at it. Ultimately though, I feel that times have changed and it is your wedding so don't count on anyone else paying for anything. It took me a while to get to that point :-). i would only work from the budget that you set with the FI and welcome anything else additional that may come. I know a couple who didn't get the gift from the parents until they came back from their HM because she (the mom) said she knew if she gave it to them earlier they would spend it, and she didn't want them spending all of their money and be broke after the wedding, LOL! Hope this helps!
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                #8 hat0112

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                  Posted 23 June 2010 - 08:58 AM

                  Well our parents our paying for the wedding, but my mom paid for my dress from money she has been saving. She wanted to make sure she bought my dress. Your mom might have something else in mind that she would want to do for you. Honestly, if I was in your position I wouldn't say anything to my mom. I would plan on paying for everything and hope I will be surprised. I would feel horrible talking to my mom to see if she is going to pay for something for the wedding. If she did help out I would want it to come from her, not from me saying something to her.
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                  #9 Sax Lady

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                    Posted 23 June 2010 - 09:46 AM

                    I paid for mine but I always knew from when I was younger that I would be paying for my own wedding because my mom always said to us that we were going to buy her dress and we would have to pay for our own weddings. Well I'm still paying for my own wedding. I wouldn't be too mad you never know if she has something else planned for you. Just give it time.

                    #10 mdb

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                    • 190 posts

                      Posted 23 June 2010 - 10:29 AM

                      I paid for my own dress. I t came out of the wedding fund. My parents are giving us 5,000 for the wedding so I didn't expect anything else. I'm just very grateful that they are giving us that : ) I know that they have more money that they could give, but they have worked so hard throughout their life that I don't expect more. They helped with a down payment on my house three years ago. I am just very thankful for what they are giving.
                      Maybe if you talk to your mom, she will be giving on your actual wedding day!

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