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Leave as guest or make a bridesmaid?


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#1 Josie1073

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    Posted 21 June 2010 - 12:39 PM

    I have asked people at home and have not been giving much of an answer on this...

    We originally were planning a traditional wedding at home. My FI and I each asked 5 people to be in the wedding, plus one mutual friend, who would be the reader. After ditching the traditional plan and changing to a DW, we only invited family and those who were to be in the wedding party, knowing that the family would not come (mostly financial reasons - having an AHR for them instead), and only a handful of the wedding party would come. That being said, up until recent, only the MOH and the reader were going. My FI was going to make the reader his BM. But now, we just found out - his original BM is going to Jamaica with his wife. So, my "reader" is now just a groomsman, I guess, because he still feels he is part of the wedding party, and he is!

    Now, with the BM coming, what am I to do with his wife? She was not in the wedding party (I have only known her for a short while), but since they are only 6 of us in total, and only she is not a "part" of the wedding, should I ask her to be a bridesmaid? I don't know her very well, but I don't want her feeling left out - she will be the only person in the "audience." But I also don't want her feeling like she has to buy a "bridesmaid" dress (yes, I am anal and would want her to match my colors!), if that would put her on the spot.

    What should I do?

    #2 msglave

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      Posted 21 June 2010 - 12:47 PM

      No. If you don't have that relationship with her, I wouldn't. Others may book later (You still have almost 6 months) and I'm sure you're not going to ask all of them to be in your wedding. If you want her to feel a part of, you can invite her to your suite to hang with you and the other ladies before the wedding. This is just my opinion.
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      #3 MDLady

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        Posted 21 June 2010 - 02:15 PM

        Definitely not. Only have someone as a BM if they are truly an important part of your life. Are you sure that it will be just the 6 of you?? If it turns out that way, I could see why you would think that she would be uncomfortable. But I'm sure she understands as well that you guys just met recently and does not in any way expect to be a bridesmaid!

        #4 JanineA

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          Posted 21 June 2010 - 02:45 PM

          Quote:
          Originally Posted by MDLady
          Definitely not. Only have someone as a BM if they are truly an important part of your life. Are you sure that it will be just the 6 of you?? If it turns out that way, I could see why you would think that she would be uncomfortable. But I'm sure she understands as well that you guys just met recently and does not in any way expect to be a bridesmaid!
          I agree with MDLady...your bridesmaids should be those close to you.

          #5 Sax Lady

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            Posted 21 June 2010 - 03:18 PM

            You dont feel that she should be one i wouldnt do it. I dont think she would mind not being in the wedding.

            #6 Josie1073

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              Posted 21 June 2010 - 03:48 PM

              Yep, it will just be the 6 of us! 2 of my bridemaids are now pregnant and one is getting married 2 weeks before my wedding, so she'll be at her honeymoon, and my last bridemaid is not financially able to attend. I feel the same way, that she is not really close to me and that she shouldn't be a BM...I think I just feel bad that she's the only person not having a role going to Jamaica.

              #7 MSBRANDI

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                Posted 21 June 2010 - 05:16 PM

                I wouldn't ask her either. Only because you mentioned the fact that you really don't know her that well. I am sure she'll be ok

                #8 msjulie5475

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                  Posted 25 July 2010 - 02:06 AM

                  I don't think she expects to be apart of the wedding.

                  #9 hockeymom97

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                    Posted 25 July 2010 - 11:19 AM

                    If I were in her shoes I would not expect to be a part of the wedding. I would be fine as just a guest. And I agree with what others have said - your BM's should be close to you, not someone you just met.
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                    #10 BecaJ

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                      Posted 28 July 2010 - 01:50 PM

                      Hmm I understand where you're coming from, and to be honest seeing as the entire wedding isn't traditional why should the roles stay traditionally allocated?

                       

                      If I was in your shoes I personally would probably ask her. Although she may not expect to have a role in the wedding, she will probably feel like a spare part being the only person in the audience.

                       

                      Because I haven't got that many guests attending I've decided not to allocate roles to any body apart from my Dad giving me away and my fiance is having a best man. I didn't want every one to have a role cos then there wouldn't be an audience, I'd feel like we were all 'performing' for nothing if that makes sense?x






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