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So what if I'm having a DW and an AHR???!!

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#1 rosieposie

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  • 649 posts

    Posted 26 May 2010 - 02:36 AM

    I just sent out travel rates to people and our parents have been annoucing to people that we're having a reception in town and invites aren't even out yet!

    But already, I'm so tired of people asking me "so what's going on - you're having a DW AND a reception in town? Isn't that a little extreme? So why are we bothering with Mexico then? Can I just come to your reception in-town? Why are you guys planning so many things to show off? If you're thinking to legally get married in town, why go all they way to Mexico to pretend to get married?".

    YES I AM HAVING BOTH. The large Chinese banquet our parents want with friends and family galore. And the intimate DW we wanted from the start.
    Yes in terms of money, it's going to be a bit more, but our parents have offerred to pay for the AHR as a gift to us .... and its what they've alway pictured.

    WHY ARE WE "BOTHERING....BOOOOTHERRRING?!?!?!?" how is someone supposed to answer this question? *sputter* *gobbsmacked*

    ERRRGHH.......sibblings leaked out that we're thinking to legally get married before we head to Mexico to save us some hassle, but now it looking like people just think we want to do the DW to "show off".


    we're so offended with this whole "show off" thing - we're down to earth, normal people. from our closest friends and some family. its not like we're rich or anything, and they know that. but a DW was something we talked about long before he proposed.

    we've been together for over 9 years, 10 by the end of this year. you'd think these people would be happy for us.

    i'm feelin' sad, frustrated, annoyed and deflated.

    thanks for the vent ladies....tomorrow is another day.

    #2 krizstyling

    • Newbie
    • 90 posts

      Posted 26 May 2010 - 03:25 AM

      Oh sweetie I feel absolutely HORRIBLE for you!! The NERVE people have when it comes to someone's special day always astounds me. That is something I wouldn't say to even my worst enemy. Your wedding is just that, YOUR wedding. At the end of the day, it doesn't matter if they understand. I would tell your siblings and parents, or rather ask them, to stop telling people your plans. ESPECIALLY about getting legally married beforehand. People who don't have DW don't necessarily understand that part.

      Your day is going to be special, enjoy the planning and try not to worry about them. I know that is way easier said than done but we are all here to listen if you need to vent some more.

      Sending many good wishes your way!

      #3 selassie11

      • Jr. Member
      • 206 posts

        Posted 26 May 2010 - 08:27 AM

        Isn't it interesting how when you're UBER excited people have a way of trying to rain on your parade. I always wonder "What is it about me that makes you feel comfortable saying something so SELFISH and STUPID to my face!" No worries...shake it off...laught it off...and remember - "When people open their mouths they put their brains on display!" It's YOUR wedding and you shall do as YOU please!

        #4 Thomasjsgirl

        • Sr. Member
        • 1,098 posts

          Posted 26 May 2010 - 08:54 AM

          Arrgh! Have you told your family to stop sharing personal details about your plans? If you have, and they haven't, then you can't share anymore details with them, period. Sorry that you're having a tough time over this. Just know that what you're going through is very common as DWs are still rather "new" and some people just don't know how to react to them. Hang in there and plow ahead with whatever makes you and FI happy as after all, it's YOUR wedding, not anyone else's!!!
          Lucy & Tom - Married 24.11.08
          Wedding Review - Dreams PC:
          Leftover Wedding Items FS:

          #5 rosieposie

          • Member
          • 649 posts

            Posted 26 May 2010 - 02:02 PM

            thank you ladies for listening/reading!

            i was so down and hurt by the turn of events - this is a great outlet to vent as everyone is going through or has gone through the ups & downs of (destination) wedding planning.

            We will stop sharing any info regard the whole "legal" aspect of getting married with family & friends.

            we told our family not to say anything from the start - but THAT didn't happen....we're going to talk to our family today, we haven't decided 100% on all the legal details, but it should be our decision to make.

            ....i'm sure there will be more bumps along the way....here's hoping that's the worst of it.....

            i must bounce back!

            thanks again - all the best to all you ladies

            #6 diamondpooch

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            • 546 posts

              Posted 26 May 2010 - 02:33 PM

              Thomasjsgirl is so right. People don't exactly "get" DW's yet. don't let people's opinions bug you though. Just invite who you want to invite and let whoever show up, show up. If they don't want to be part of it, you won't miss them. Hang on tight for the next year and don't let anyone ruin your excitement!

              #7 jcruzin76

              • Newbie
              • 52 posts

                Posted 26 May 2010 - 04:24 PM

                I totally sympathize with you. I just recently had a DW and am now having an AHR. I had friends and family complain about both. There were some that did not agree with me having a DW because it was wrong of me to do something that will cost people money knowing that they couldn't afford it and there were those who loved the idea of getting a vacation and finally celebrating us finally getting hitched after 12+ years together! Then I had those who went to the DW and said that it should be enough that they spent the money to go and now I'm asking for them to come to an AHR. I just didnt let these things bother me. What people dont understand, is that noone is making them do anything. This is what me and my 'now' husband wanted to do and while we would have loved for everyone to come to our DW, we know that wasnt going to happen, so we both agreed that we would have an AHR. The AHR is intended to share our wedding photos and videos with both the people who came to the DW and those whom were not able to make it. So, just take all the criticism with a grain assault and enjoy both your DW and your AHR...I know i did and will!
                Jen & Len
                May 8th, 2010
                Montego Bay, Jamaica


                #8 btn1091

                • Jr. Member
                • 180 posts

                  Posted 26 May 2010 - 07:32 PM

                  There are so many inappropriate things that people choose to say when you are planning a wedding!! I had lots of comments that brought me down and made me mad... but after everything was said and done... let me tell you my DW was worth it!! LOL!! Let them have their jealous, silly comments and let you have the most fantastic wedding that you've always been dreaming of!!
                  BTW... I learned to start keeping some of my planning to myself... from flowers to dresses everyone seems to have their own opinion!!
                  Good luck and enjoy planning your perfect day!!

                  #9 rosieposie

                  • Member
                  • 649 posts

                    Posted 27 May 2010 - 04:04 PM

                    so we spoke to our immediate family last night, told them to stop sharing info with relatives, because when we're ready we will send out all the info at once. Explained that details will be changed and re-changed throughout the process.

                    definately provide people with info on a "need to know" basis from now on.

                    #10 chrissytina924

                    • Newbie
                    • 145 posts

                      Posted 27 May 2010 - 06:03 PM

                      Yikess I feel your pain... Dont worry about what other people say.. do your thing!!!!
                      Edward & Christina
                      Melia Caribe Tropical
                      Punta Cana, Dominican Republic
                      June 26th, 2010

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