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Death in the Family

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#1 cheshire_moon

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    Posted 17 May 2010 - 04:44 PM

    My aunt passed away this morning. I've been grieving, and it has been impacted by the fact that we leave for the DR in six days - and I have to be in Michigan (from Missouri) on Wednesday and Thursday. The flights are outrageous, even bereavement rates. It's looking like I will take the overnight Greyhound to get there and back, so I can sleep on the way and also work on stuff on my laptop (well, for as long as the battery holds out).

    Does anyone have any suggestions on how to manage, or deal with this stress? My FI is staying here to take care of as much as possible, but I have to go and say goodbye to my aunt and be with my family. Even if it's just for a short time.

    #2 Thomasjsgirl

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      Posted 17 May 2010 - 05:00 PM

      I'm sorry to hear about your aunt. Sometimes there is just no way to predict these kinds of things, so all you can do is go with the flow. If FI is capable of keeping the wedding planning on track while you make the journey to pay your last respects to your aunt, then that is surely one big weight off your shoulders. You have a good plan already by bringing the laptop so you can finish up any last minute projects, planning etc. during the long ride. Keeping your mind busy so you have less windows of opportunity to stress yourself is key. Don't waste time and energy freaking out over stuff you have no control over, and you will be OK.
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      #3 TLC4Rock

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        Posted 17 May 2010 - 08:30 PM

        My condolences. When dealing with death in my family the most soothing part for me is sharing the time with my family. They are the best support system.

        As for your wedding planning it wonderful that your FI is so supportive during this time to continue on with the planning. I don't have any advice on how to deal with this during this time, but I can say strength always comes at times you don't think you can function.

        I wish I was close enough to help you with the planning. Take care.

        #4 jerzshortstuff

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          Posted 17 May 2010 - 10:04 PM

          So sorry to hear about your loss. Try to hang in there during this rough time! I can't imagine the stress you are going through right now. I wish there was a way to help! Good luck!

          #5 AishaB

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            Posted 17 May 2010 - 10:10 PM

            So sorry to hear about your lose. I know that at this moment it seems just another insurmountable hurdle that you must climb. But the number one thing to do is to keep things in perspective and to handle them one thing at a time. When you try to think about everything that you have to do all at once, it makes you stressed and confused. Your FI is very supportive, so you are not in this alone. First lock down your travel arrangements to the funeral. Then sort out exactly what you have left to do and what you can do on the bus ride to the funeral. As you mentioned, let your FI take care of the things that you cannot take care of while you are gone. Try not to worry about things. Go and grieve for your aunt, be with your family. It is healthy and it is what you need. You don't want to feel guilty that you were at your aunt's funeral but doing wedding planning every chance you got.

            Most importantly, breath and take some time for yourself anytime you get it. It is going to be rough, you are going to be tired and you are going to be stressed. But to lessen all of that just remember to keep breathing, stop and enjoy a moment or two and just like you take each step one in front of another, one at a time, that is how you handle things that will be faced with in the next fews days.

            I hope this helps. Good luck! Sorry about your aunt.
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            #6 khomac

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              Posted 17 May 2010 - 10:14 PM

              Oh man, I'm so sorry Lisa.

              Take all the time you need to grieve and remember that she loves you and is very proud of you. She will be watching your wedding and smiling.

              As for planning, everyone is different. Personally, the little details wouldn't matter to me as much (place cards, decorations, etc). These destination weddings are truly beautiful in their own way with all the vibrant greens of the grass and trees, and the bright blue sky, and colourful flowers.

              I say make up your packing list and leave it at that. Family is really all that matters, and as long as you have your friends and family there with you, the little minor things won't matter.

              Someone said to me "will this matter in 5 years from now?" If the answer is no, then don't worry about it.

              One thing I'm really happy I did was have a charm with my grandmothers picture on it, tied to my bouquet. Others simply have a photo of their loved ones on a table or on a chair at the wedding.

              Check out this thread for other ways to pay tribute to your Aunt.

              Take care Lisa and enjoy every moment of your wedding week vacation!
              Kelly & Pablo

              Michael and Phil Steingard are located in Ontario, but travel to Punta Cana quite often during the year. There is a good chance they will be down already during your wedding week, so this will cut travel costs

              #7 Mrs Price 2010

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                Posted 18 May 2010 - 04:57 AM

                So sorry to hear of your loss, I'm sure you will get through this and come out stronger. It's great your FI is taking care of wedding plans so you can concentrate on your family a this time.
                I'm sure your aunt will be looking down on you on your special day.

                #8 CdnBeatPrincess

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                  Posted 18 May 2010 - 06:05 AM

                  My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

                  #9 Girasole

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                    Posted 18 May 2010 - 07:15 AM

                    Lisa, I am so sorry for your loss.
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                    #10 cheshire_moon

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                      Posted 22 May 2010 - 10:31 AM

                      Thank you so much for your support, everyone. I made it to MI and back, and even though not everything will be exactly as I planned, it was affirming to say goodbye to my aunt and celebrate her life with my family. This community is the best.

                      We leave in less than 24 hours! Back to the grindstone.

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