Divorced Parents - Need Advice

[tsgnatko]

Hello All - I would really appreciate some help and advice.

 

My dream is to have a destination wedding and everything is all in place.

 

In the last month - my dad has decided to cause problems with my mom his ex-wife - which they got divorced over 10 years ago and have not had reason to communicate.

 

My dad is posting mean messages to her on Facebook and really really starting to ruin that happy experience for me.

 

What do I DO? I want them to both be a part of my special day but I don't want a fight to break out and or people to feel uncomfortable - Any help and advice is greatly appreciated

[Thomasjsgirl]

Are they both invited to the wedding? Is this a new behaviour?

[tsgnatko]

Yes I can't invite one and not the other -- the problem is that my dad HATES her new husband and talks trash about him. My stepfather said he would stay home but my mom doesn't want to come without him. This is my dream and I wish they could get along - the resort is big enough where they can do their own thing and really only be around each other for the wedding day and ceremony. My dad said he would control himself - yet I see that he keeps poking fights on facebook

[Thomasjsgirl]

Wow. Sounds like your dad is harboring a lot of resentment towards your mom. Regardless of what caused the split between them, he needs to understand that your wedding is not a forum for him to express his anger towards your mom. Why is he even 'friended' with her on FB? With so much bad blood between them, it just seems odd. You'll need to have a talk with him about how this is the most important day of your life, and if he truly cannot behave himself around your mom and step father, then you will be left with no choice but to uninvite him. Somehow you have to get through to him that this isn't about him, but about you and your FI and if he loves you, he will put a lid on it for the sake of your happiness. Good luck, and let us know how it goes!

[btn1091]

I agree with Thomasjsgirl, I would have a talk with your Dad expressing your concerns with his behaviour! Telling him how important it is to you to have them both attend your wedding but that kind of behaviour will not be welcomed! Maybe having a talk with the 3 of you... might give you some idea as to how it may be at your wedding?

I'm really sorry you have to go through this!! Good luck!!

[tsgnatko]

Thank you for the advice - I am soooo stressed out about them. They aren't friends on FB - but they have their privact set to see Friends of Friends stuff - so when he posts something on his wall she can read it - and he will post comments on friends of hers that he knows will get to her. It is just such a pain and I can't believe a 61 year old man would stoop to this sort of level. My dad also only has me and my brother in his life. he never remarried and his parents passed away and has no siblings so he just has his two kids and says we are his world - although his actions speak louder and he thinks that slamming her on FB is going to do something - but all it is is making it worse on me and my FI --- we have talked to both of them and he says he will behave - but then he does the FB stuff - so we are almost to the point that he will not be invited and he will see the only person he hurt was himself....

[MDLady]

Wow, I'm sorry to say but your Dad sounds like he's 15 yo picking fights on Facebook!!!! I'm sure that he is doing this because he is upset but you have to know for a fact that he will not ruin your wedding day. I would have a very serious long talk with him and tell him that this behavior is making you really question how your wedding will occur when he is being so hostile and antagonistic. I cannot imagine any father choosing such behavior over his daughter's feelings, especially where a wedding is concerned. If he continues this behavior after you make it very clear how scared you are about this ruining your wedding day, I would seriously consider not inviting him. That would be extremely hard but it would be even worse to have a huge scene at the wedding and have it totally ruined. Just my $0.02.