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Should've put a guest limit on the invitations!!


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#1 damaris

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    Posted 03 May 2010 - 02:20 PM

    Ok so I'm going crazy and I'm stressed. When me and FI decided to do a destination wedding our family members said we were inconsiderate. They said "You must not want anyone there , it's too expensive". Now it seems not only are they going but they are bringing extra guests!!!

    Initially I assumed our guest count would be around 60 people. I come from a huge Dominican family so most of those guest were mine. I sent out around 95 invites(this was cut down from 150) just knowing that I would get a lot of nos. Well to my surprise people are saying yes and oh by the way I'm also bringing the kids and MIL so that she can babysit. WTH!!!!!! Or my bridesmaid who RSVP'd for 2 but I find out from her Mom, who was not invited that she is also now coming. ? Or my personal fave, my Cousin's Wife who kindly told me her Husband can't go but its her plus 5. I was so upset that I was venting at a friend's BBq yesterday (he RSVP'd for him and his wife) and he overheard me so he decided to tell me that they're bringing their son and a Nanny, but not to worry she's not going to the wedding. Ok so when was he gonna tell me this?

    I appreciate that people love us enough to want to spend our wedding with us. What I'm having an issue with is that people are not using common sense to ask me is it ok for me to bring guest #3 or 4 or in some cases 5. Or that they are RSVPing for one amount and are planning to show up with another. Like I said my estimate at the beginning was 60 and right now with the maybe's its at 103 people.

    Needed to vent!!!
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    #2 kris

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      Posted 03 May 2010 - 03:05 PM

      I wouldn't worry too much. You only need to have those invited attend your wedding and the rest can just enjoy their trip (minus your wedding) I'm sure people will understand!

      #3 JENISE

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        Posted 03 May 2010 - 03:16 PM

        OH MAN! I'm speechless. I don't understand what people don't understand about "IT"S A WEDDING" It's not like a backyard BBQ. You need to pay per plate and table linens and favors. ETC. The only thing that I can recommend is maybe to send out some sort of email blast that politely asks everyone for an "exact" RSVP total and stress to them the importance of an "intimate affair with your CLOSEST friends and family" Maybe they'll get the hint that way. I'm sorry that this is added stress for you. I would feel the same way. I hope everything works out in the end! Keep us updated.

        #4 amandav0127

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          Posted 03 May 2010 - 03:25 PM

          i know exactly what you are talking about. i am getting married in 5 days. My plans were for a small wedding with 30-40 people. i kept hearing the same things ( too expensive, can't get away...) so i sent out 70 invitations and so far i have received about 7 RSVPs. And i tried to contact everyone and got a bunch of were aren't sure yet and we are trying to but i dont know. so now my wedding is saturday and i have no clue how many people are going to be there! i'm worried about food and tables and chairs, not to mention the space!! so i completely understand your need to vent!!

          hope everything works out!

          #5 Thomasjsgirl

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            Posted 03 May 2010 - 03:54 PM

            Damaris: Are these "extras" just coming along for the vacation, or are they expecting to attend the wedding too?

            Amanda: it's insane if people haven't RSVP'd, but suddenly show up for your wedding! How on earth do you plan for favours, OOT bags, etc., etc.?? Would the hotel be able to tell you how many are booked for your wedding? (I'm assuming you didn't use a TA or s/he would be able to tell you how many are coming).
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            #6 alison15

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              Posted 03 May 2010 - 03:55 PM

              Wow I have never heard of people RSVPing for more than was written on the invitation, especially with destination weddings. However, look on the bright side, it sound like some people are bringing guest to watch kids so they can enjoy the wedding kid-free.

              #7 dolfinluck

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                Posted 03 May 2010 - 04:15 PM

                Quote:
                Originally Posted by Thomasjsgirl
                Damaris: Are these "extras" just coming along for the vacation, or are they expecting to attend the wedding too?
                This is what i was thinking, personally I would let your guests know you want a small event and that their guests are not invited to the wedding, but in a nice way. I cant believe some people, i bet you most likely have not even met some of these extra people.

                #8 damaris

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                  Posted 03 May 2010 - 04:25 PM

                  Quote:
                  Originally Posted by Thomasjsgirl
                  Damaris: Are these "extras" just coming along for the vacation, or are they expecting to attend the wedding too?

                  Amanda: it's insane if people haven't RSVP'd, but suddenly show up for your wedding! How on earth do you plan for favours, OOT bags, etc., etc.?? Would the hotel be able to tell you how many are booked for your wedding? (I'm assuming you didn't use a TA or s/he would be able to tell you how many are coming).
                  Well since they asked me the dress code I'm sure they are thinking of attending the wedding, which is nuts to me. Oh and I just remembered that I'm also having a Welcome Dinner, LMAO. Everytime I get a Yes all I here is Ka-ching!!
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                  #9 damaris

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                    Posted 03 May 2010 - 04:30 PM

                    Quote:
                    Originally Posted by JENISE
                    OH MAN! I'm speechless. I don't understand what people don't understand about "IT"S A WEDDING" It's not like a backyard BBQ. You need to pay per plate and table linens and favors. ETC. The only thing that I can recommend is maybe to send out some sort of email blast that politely asks everyone for an "exact" RSVP total and stress to them the importance of an "intimate affair with your CLOSEST friends and family" Maybe they'll get the hint that way. I'm sorry that this is added stress for you. I would feel the same way. I hope everything works out in the end! Keep us updated.
                    Thanks for the advice. I have been toying with the idea of lying to those that haven't booked yet and telling them that there is capacity situation with the ballroom, so at this point I have to put a limit on remaining guests. Does that seem rude?
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                    #10 Kimmysals

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                      Posted 03 May 2010 - 04:41 PM

                      That's truly unbelievable. I agree, they can travel with your guests and enjoy a vacation. But they can't possibly expect to attend the wedding. You will have to address that with these guests somehow. I don't envy your position at all. Good luck!




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