Okay so I am already married, almost a year now, but some "wounds" were opened during the process and I can't let it go. The story is this....DH and I got engaged in June 2008, by July we had decided to have a DW which he wanted to do in Oct. 2008 but I told him we needed to give people time to save so we decided on May 2009 (10 months to save). Initially family and friends seemed on board but slowly started dropping like flies, first my BF/MOH, then his parents and then his brother&SIL. But the one that hurt the most was his parents. They were still paying off an addition on their house and had consolidated some debt but we never thought they would flat out miss their oldest child's wedding. Well, we were wrong and money was the only excuse. As the days and weeks went by I let it eat at me, every time they went out to dinner, when MIL would go shopping and buy more plates or kitchen things that she just didn't need and when they started shopping for a $3000 awning for their deck. Even when it came to Christmas when they gave us over $500. All I could think was "This is money they could be putting away to go to our wedding" I wanted them at the wedding more than I wanted the money for Christmas. But they are not the type of people that you can talk to about this so DH and I just let it eat at us without ever saying a word and the wedding came and went without them there and I STILL can't get over it. Two months after our wedding they gave us a wedding present of $1000 that they had saved up to give us and while I appreciate it, them being there would have been gift enough. And now that almost a year has passed, I still see them spending and it still hurts. MIL has been talking about going to Ireland with her sister sometime this year and just the other night they were telling us about a trip they are planning to take over Christmas this year. They wanted to go to New Mexico but its not that warm there at Christmas so now they are considering Jamaica or the Bahamas (which is where we were married). I mentioned how pricey flights were to Jamaica out of Philly when I looked for the wedding and she flat out said "I don't care how much it costs…" Then we suggested Mexico and she said she has no desire to ever go to Mexico. So now it just feels like not attending the wedding was more about location (we were Mexico bound till the Swine flu) than it ever was about money. I know financial things can change over time but so much so that money goes from being the biggest obstacle to suddenly being no object
I just feel like its too soon to be talking to us about this when it hasn't even been a year. DH and I were both really hurt. Honestly I don't know how much time has to pass before we can let it go. I have two boys and when they grow up the only thing that would ever keep me from their weddings is death. I just can't imagine that they wouldn't have done just about anything to be there and even though DH is not a "heart on the sleeve" type of guy, I know he feels the same way and still feels a lot of hurt and resentment over it. Thanks for reading, needed to get that out.