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Potential to turn out bad! Need advice


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#21 Pazzesca

Pazzesca
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    Posted 20 April 2010 - 04:00 PM

    I am in a similar situation. My FI has a 4 year old half sister. She was about 1 ½ when my FI’s brother got married. She wasn’t in the wedding but that didn’t stop her from crying and having a fit and screaming during most of the ceremony. My FI’s step mother wouldn’t take her outside for who knows what reason and my FI’s father was trying to watch his son get married. In the end, my FI’s father ended up taking her outside and missing some of the ceremony, which to me was sad.

    My future lil half sister in law is now 4 and just as “cranky”. I chose an adult only resort to get married at on purpose. Not to purposely exclude her but so that there would be no children around at all.

    We are telling my FI father next weekend and I know his wife will have some words about the adults only part. It may be in the end that they don’t go to the wedding because of this fact. I discussed it with my FI because I didn’t want him to feel like I was purposely pushing out his little sister but he is fine with it. He is also fine with the fact that his father may not attend the wedding. He states that we have been trying so hard to have a local wedding that in the end, we just couldn’t afford it. My FI stated that we had to stop worrying about everyone else and just do what we want and what makes us happy. My FI loves the resort we picked and also likes that it is adults only. He also agreed that his sister screaming and crying through most of his brother’s wedding ceremony took away from it.

    Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I don’t like children, cause I do. However, not everyone enjoys all the little nuances that go along with having them around at some events where they start to talk non-stop when it should be quiet, scream, cry, run around, etc.

    I don’t think you are a terrible person. If you are, than I am too!!

    #22 JanineA

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      Posted 21 April 2010 - 01:25 PM

      Quote:
      Originally Posted by hoyt75
      At our wedding we said adults only and we meant it. No kids. Period. Of course several people were upset, mainly my sil b/c they couldn't bring their 1 yo twins which also meant that they couldn't come to our dw, but that's just how it goes. My brother couldn't bring his 3 kids either.

      I think you should be honest with the mom and let her know how you feel and what your concerns are. Make sure to have a few backup plans just incase baby M gets cranky. It doesn't make you a baby hater just b/c you don't want kids around.
      Quote:
      Originally Posted by Pazzesca
      I am in a similar situation. My FI has a 4 year old half sister. She was about 1 ½ when my FI’s brother got married. She wasn’t in the wedding but that didn’t stop her from crying and having a fit and screaming during most of the ceremony. My FI’s step mother wouldn’t take her outside for who knows what reason and my FI’s father was trying to watch his son get married. In the end, my FI’s father ended up taking her outside and missing some of the ceremony, which to me was sad.

      My future lil half sister in law is now 4 and just as “cranky”. I chose an adult only resort to get married at on purpose. Not to purposely exclude her but so that there would be no children around at all.

      We are telling my FI father next weekend and I know his wife will have some words about the adults only part. It may be in the end that they don’t go to the wedding because of this fact. I discussed it with my FI because I didn’t want him to feel like I was purposely pushing out his little sister but he is fine with it. He is also fine with the fact that his father may not attend the wedding. He states that we have been trying so hard to have a local wedding that in the end, we just couldn’t afford it. My FI stated that we had to stop worrying about everyone else and just do what we want and what makes us happy. My FI loves the resort we picked and also likes that it is adults only. He also agreed that his sister screaming and crying through most of his brother’s wedding ceremony took away from it.

      Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I don’t like children, cause I do. However, not everyone enjoys all the little nuances that go along with having them around at some events where they start to talk non-stop when it should be quiet, scream, cry, run around, etc.

      I don’t think you are a terrible person. If you are, than I am too!!
      You ladies are fab! Pazz I couldn't agree more with your last few sentences. I spoke to FSIL today (she called to let me know she got measured for her bridesmaid dress) and she mentioned that her mom told her my plan to have sand buckets and pails out for baby M to play with. Guess what She had already been planning to have a sitter from the hotel there to watch baby M. She had talked to her husband about it and neither of them wanted to miss any part of the ceremony and it would give them a chance for a little break so they already called the hotel to make sure that some sitter arrangements could be made. I was panicked for nothing!!! Which is a relief. I'm so glad so many other ladies had the same concerns or issues.

      #23 Pazzesca

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        Posted 21 April 2010 - 03:37 PM

        YAY Janine!! so glad everything worked out so well!! now you can move on to better things!! <3

        #24 **~Jenn~**

        **~Jenn~**
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          Posted 21 April 2010 - 04:05 PM

          I am glad things worked out for you!
          I guess it depends on the person/Bride on how a situation like this would be handled. You are the Bride, It's your day and It's your Wedding.
          It did come off to me as sounding a tad selfish, ONLY because in having a Destination Wedding, you are asking people to not only take a vacation that they didn't plan, Go to a place they may have not wanted to visit, But also to pay out a good amount of money to do so. I always felt a little guilty over that, even though people have the choice to not come at all.
          Then you wanted your FDIL to get a babysitter for your wedding. I totally get your point, but it did sound a little bit unfair at first. However, It looks like other members of your Fam agreed with you though and even your FSIL which is great and I am really glad that there wasn't any Drama.

          My 2 year old Neice was my Flower girl and DH's 3 year old Nephew was the Ring Boy. I knew that since they were both so young there could be issues. I just didn't mind. I knew if it was bad someone would step in and do something.
          His Nephew wouldn't walk down the Aisle without his mom, so I told her to walk down with him and it wasn't a problem at all. I think she minded more than I did..LOL

          My neice was a whole other story! LOL She skipped down the isle and she was so funny during my ceremoney that I litterally started laughing so hard in the middle of the Officiant talking!!. She was running circles around DH & I , She kept dropping her bucket which would make a loud sound and she really didn't want to stand in one place or listen to her mom.
          She wasn't screaming, she wasn't bad. The worst thing she did was get too close to the Cliff (The Gazebo at Dreams Cancun is on a high Cliff) and my Jr Bridesmaid would have to keep her away from it.
          When you watch my Video, She really does steal the show, but it's so funny! I love it. Her mom (My MOH) was mortified, but it didn't bother me. My wedding was beautiful, All of the most important people in my life were there and it was a beautiful day! I had so many other things to worry about, A crying baby wasn't one of them.

          Even if the baby doesn't want to play in the sand, someone will step in and take care of it. It will all work out and I wish you lots of luck and beautiful Wedding! :)
          Married @ Dreams Cancun 06/24/09
          My Wedding Reviewhttp://bestdestinati....24-09-a-45066/Pics By Juan Navarrohttp://www.facebook.....9&l=32db696cd3

          #25 tracy0716

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            Posted 21 April 2010 - 08:36 PM

            Yay!! Janine I'm so happy everything's working out for you. BTW...I think you did a great job responding to everyone's input!

            Slapsappyhappy- I don't know what I would do if I was in your place other than grin and bear it. Sounds like your future nephew has a special place in your FI's heart. IMO, best to suck it up and smile. At least half the guests will find the boy's antics amusing and cute. Good luck!!

            #26 JanineA

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              Posted 22 April 2010 - 04:22 PM

              Thank you ladies I really couldn't have handled it so marvelously without the positive feedback (Tracy thanks, sometimes you have to just serve people honey, as my mom would say *wink*).
              Slapsappyhappy, wow I think Tracy is right you may just have to grin and bear it. That is the first time I have ever come across such a dilemma. Have you thought of mentioning to you FI that perhaps his nephew should be the ring bearer and wing man to the best man, since it is customary for the best man to make a speech during the reception and you would like it to be one of his friends that knows him. You can tell him it is kind of like him having two best men! His nephew and an adult friend. I don't know just trying to be as helpful in finding a positive solution as many of the ladies were able to help me.
              PhillyBride: glad everything went well with your wedding and that everything worked out for me as well. Though we are paying for FSIL and her husband and baby M to attend our wedding, they really wanted to come but have been having a few financial difficulties so they asked for a loan to attend and they would pay us back, instead we told them we would pay all expenses and it would be a gift since they haven't taken a vacation since they married. I guess I should have mentioned this from the beginning but I didn't because I didn't think it mattered. Its an act of kindness separate and apart from what I was having an issue with. I would have purchased her dress but she insisted on at least paying for that, but I am purchasing her shoes and jewelry. But yes I do understand the jist of what you were saying about having a DW. Also I should have been clear I didn't mind having baby M at the reception just the ceremony was my concern.

              #27 krizstyling

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                Posted 22 April 2010 - 08:54 PM

                In response to your question about being selfish, NO WAY! I don't want any child under the age of 8 at my wedding. It's your day, your choice. Period. I also think your FSIL probably has a proactive plan in case her daughter starts to get out of hand. Most weddings I've been to if a child starts to get cranky there is always someone there to make sure they take them out of the vicinity for a bit. I wouldn't worry too much about it.

                But honestly, I do not think you are being selfish at all.

                #28 sunset78

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                  Posted 27 April 2010 - 02:24 PM

                  Glad to hear everything worked out. :)

                  We had an adult only wedding at an adult only resort of course. We didn't want children at our wedding, and no had any really issues.

                  My DH's sis came and had her hubby stay at home and watch the kids, and another couple had one of their mom's watch their kid at home while they went to our wedding.

                  We let everyone know up front that it was adult only (and yes, some tried to make me feel bad, but it's our wedding), and that people could stay next door to the other family resorts and have child care through the resort or have family/friend/parent stay back and watch the kids.

                  No one came with kids, and a lot of them were glad to have a vacation by themselves.

                  #29 Meitra

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                    Posted 28 April 2010 - 02:02 AM

                    Quote:
                    Originally Posted by JanineA
                    Thanks Meitra! I really like your monogram, can I ask did you make/design it yourself?
                    Meagan in hindsight the FSIL herself aslo agreed baby M would not make it down the aisle as a flower girl and as Krys said it is an enourmous amount of pressure to put on a baby. We are going to have her there and have things handy in case she would like to play in the sand or anything at all.
                    Hi JanineA, Here's the link for where I got my monogram, she was great to work with :) Custom Monograms Logo Design & much more by jennjohnstondesigns
                    Moon Dance Cliffs ---- Negril, Jamaica ---- December 4, 2010

                    #30 meldal101010

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                      Posted 31 May 2010 - 07:08 PM

                      I'm the mother of two wonderful, rambunctious & loud toddlers who i love with every fiber of my being, but even i kind of get where your coming from. After much back & forth deliberation my FI & I have decided to leave the kids at home with my dad (not one for Mexican heat) while we go & celebrate kid free!! I'm going to miss my kids alot as i have only spent a handful of days without them...but the sound of a 2 week no responsibility vacation sounds heavenly to me...lol The bonus is my dad is travelling to my city so my kiddos will be tucked neatly away in their own beds while i sip on some Coronas + my little guy is two now & still EXTREMELY attached to me so unless i want my little guy on my hip while we exchange rings...lol this is the best solution.




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