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JennandMike08

Best friend not coming, EXCUSES!

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And your right. At the end of the day do you like that she is not coming? Absolutely not! And your so right you will get over it. It's the now breach of trust and hurtful feelings that you must attempt to get over and that is what could make or break the relationship. Maybe wait a few days to see what she says to you first? That way it will give you some time to cool down as well. It will get better I promise! There are so many other great things to worry about in terms of your wedding! Think of those!

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Oh dear- My advice is put this to one side for a few days- get calm then think about how/ if you are going to address the behaviour. Also reading some of the other situation brides have experienced on this site has kept me sane and calm. Weddings bring out the best and worst behaviours in your nearest and dearest. Think long and hard about your next steps and the impact this has on your friendship- I have had to distance myself from a BM as I am so upset with the way she has treated me as a friend. Good luck my dear.

 

PS it is times like this that you turn to H2B

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im so sorry you're going through this....she has NO excuse in my book. honestly, i wouldn't even take the money for the dress. it's really sad that in the end you can't depend on someone who you are so close to. write her off and concentrate on YOUR DAY!!! in the end you and h2b will be soooo happy that stupid people won't even matter :)

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You know, I completely get that we are in a time of financial hardship. Certain people may not be able to attend, and I get that,

Hey I'm Hannah,

I too am going through something almost like this except my BestFriend/ Cousin has recently lost her job sad.gif we are so close im spending more time praying for her then planning its to the point that i may alter things so that i have NO maid of honor.. because she cant be replaced... ANYWAY... I just wanted to say life is already hard without those who are suppose to be close to you disappointing and hurting you!! I understand how you feel but what you should do is tell her how you feel and let go of the burden of the whole situation!! You deserve to feel blessed and happy on your wedding day and through your new journey as a wife..REMEMBER the point of a Destination wedding is in part to eliminate people who you feel like you have to invite and to weed out people that are not HAPPY FOR YOU if she was really happy for you she would be there your real maid of honor is probably in your face and your not realizing it!!...WAIT TO SEE WHO HELPS YOU THE MOST...AND PICK SOMEONE ELSE

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Quote:
Originally Posted by JennandMike08 View Post
You know, I completely get that we are in a time of financial hardship. Certain people may not be able to attend, and I get that,

Hey I'm Hannah,

I too am going through something almost like this except my BestFriend/ Cousin has recently lost her job sad.gif we are so close im spending more time praying for her then planning its to the point that i may alter things so that i have NO maid of honor.. because she cant be replaced... ANYWAY... I just wanted to say life is already hard without those who are suppose to be close to you disappointing and hurting you!! I understand how you feel but what you should do is tell her how you feel and let go of the burden of the whole situation!! You deserve to feel blessed and happy on your wedding day and through your new journey as a wife..REMEMBER the point of a Destination wedding is in part to eliminate people who you feel like you have to invite and to weed out people that are not HAPPY FOR YOU if she was really happy for you she would be there your real maid of honor is probably in your face and your not realizing it!!...WAIT TO SEE WHO HELPS YOU THE MOST...AND PICK SOMEONE ELSE

I did end up picking someone else, my other BFF. Even though times are hard for her too, she has said she will save every penny she has in order to be there for me. She has been completely awesome all the way through. She should have been picked in the first place. The people who are really there for you end up stepping up. Its just sad it had to come this way.

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Jenna I feel your pain. I had a similar situation where my best friend and bridesmaid (she asked not to be the MOH cause she didn't want the responsibilities, having a child she said she worried she wouldn't have much time) announced she wouldn't be coming to my wedding cause she couldn't afford it but low and behold I found out from her twin sister she is going on 4 vacations this year. She just got back from 2 weeks in South America (1 week Buenos Aires Argentina, 1 week Punta Del Este Uruguay) in summer she is heading to Italy, October to Australia and December to Asia, so she can't afford my wedding. I was super pissed especially because all of those 4 are vacations and I asked her since last year prior to her booking 3 of them to attend my wedding and be my MOH. When I confronted her she was honest, she would rather go on vacation. After 6 years, there went our friendship (mind you I did everything for her wedding in February of this year....all her errands, everything and stood by her side the day of).

This however is your cousin. Try to salvage things as best as you can and talk to her candidly and frankly. She is being a bit selfish and perhaps when she hears how hurt you are she will realize how selfish she is being. Good luck!

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I completely understand your feelings and have had the same thing happen to me, except my good friend chose to get a dog that costs the same amount as going to Ocho Rios and being in the wedding. Anyhow, you have every right to be hurt and upset, it's not what you expect from someone your so close to. What I have come to learn is that not everyone views your special day the way you do. Some peoples priorities are on a different page and we can't change that. I think you should tell her that your hurt and don't understand how she can do this. Don't take the road I took and not address it at all, because you will just hold resentment which in the long run just ends up hurting you because the other person will be oblivious to it. Bottom line is she still is probably not going to come, but don't let anyone else rain on your important day. Celebrate and be happy with the people who are coming.

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I think almost every bride has had some kind of drama with someone important to them not coming. And while our wedding is the most important thing to US, it is not the most important thing to everyone else, no matter what our relationship is to the person.

 

My SISTER - my only sibling - did not come to my DW - even with my parents offering to pay for her entire trip - she didn't want to leave her husband with their kids for the weekend. To me, that was very hurtful - she told me that she and her husband didn't have the money to come, yet since then they've gotten a dog and done countless other things that have added up to much more than they would have spent on our wedding - especially with my parents paying. I cried a lot about it - cried to my parents, to my FI/now husband and to her, but it didn't matter. I think she just didn't want to come and that was it.

 

By the time the wedding came, I decided to just say F***K it - she will be the one to regret not coming - we had an amazing time and an awesome wedding - everyone had a great time for the whole time they were there. she is the one that missed out - she will never be able to make that up.

 

Getting mad at the people that say no only gets you upset - they've made up their mind - they are the ones that miss out and have regrets when they hear about it and see the pictures.

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I've read all these posts on this forum like this and never thought it would happen to me. My cousin who is my best friend, sister, everything in one test me today and said she can't be there for me. First she said she was broke then she said she had too much on her plate then she said she had to work. Unbelievable. I'm upset but I expect people to let me down just not her.

 

I would ask her because there might be a good explanation. My cousin on the other hand, I think is just affected by her mother's death so I will forgive her. I just think she should have been honest with me.

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I totally feel for you! I have a best friend who's also not coming to my wedding and is also giving me LAME excuses as to why... fortunately she's not telling me it's money troubles and then crusing off to the Bahamas!!!

 

However, I do have a cousin that basically pulled this. I wouldn't say we are super close though, so I can't be SUPER pissed, but still I really thought she would be at my wedding if she could. She told me in December that she wouldn't be able to afford to come to my wedding (which is a little lame in and of itself because the wedding was still a year away, and we've been talking about this for awhile now, so it's no surprise to anyone that we're doing a DW, but anyways...) and then not two weeks later I see on Facebook that she has booked a trip to Mexico for January! WTF!!! Same as you, I totally get that some people are not going to be able to or want to come, and I need to respect that, but just be honest with me. I commented on her facebook page that she should check out Dreams Riviera Cancun while she was in Mexico, which is where I am getting married. I know, kind of passive aggressive I guess, but I basically just wanted to let her know that I was aware she was going to Mexico, the place where she had just told me she couldn't afford to go. As for your friend, if you two are supposed to be close, then I really think that you should have a direct conversation with her about it. What she's doing seems like a pretty direct slap in the face if you ask me! You are going to harbour bad feelings about it regardless, and she should be made to explain herself. Sorry you are going through this, I hope it works out.

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