43 replies to this topic

[md2002]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Boo ha ha, yes you are a rare breed on this forum, I honestly do wish that more guys took the time to particapate and contribute, but thats a whole other topic just as an update, we did have somewhat of a very uncomfortable talk about this, yes I think he would be hurt now if I changed it, so I wont. That being said, my FH is truly the most caring / giving person in the world, but after our talk I did get the impression that he spent more effort on the football draft at the time then picking out the ring. I can see inclussions on the side quite easily, maybe its one of those things that once you see it, you always do, sigh, and he said he had no idea what that was. Kinda dissapointing because it made me feel like he had chosen a ring without much thought, I could be totally off base, it has been 6 months but to not remember what you went for just 6 months later is very dissapointing.

Well then Boo... that's kind of sad. Like I said if he had spent as much time as I did then I would be very hurt. However, if he just bought the 1st ring he saw then he deserves to have it swapped out. 100% of that ring should be his effort and love that went into buying the perfect ring for you and searching long and hard to get the best ring he could afford.. if that's not the case then get what you want

To say he "didn't notice" the imperfection means he didn't take that much time.

Quick Story: The jeweler was pushing me towards a larger rock (same price) but larger rock. Under the microscope I could see a black spot so I refused and went with the smaller diamond. To the NAKED EYE you would have never seen that spot but I knew it was there and didn't want it.

Did I confuse you more?

[islandbride317]

Hmmmmn.....this is a tricky one.

And, md2002, your advice is PERFECTION! YOU are 100% right that if he didn't notice all the imperfections she speaks of, maybe he just picked something, said "Box it up!" and went on his merry way, without giving an inch of the same thought and careful consideration you did when purchasing a ring for the woman you love.

And as far as my own personal situation goes, I guess my fiance John and I just aren't that senitmental about some things as some of the other members!

I absolutely plan on upgrading when we can afford it, because he and I realistically looked at our budget before we got engaged, and compromised to get me a ring that cost a fraction of what my "ideal" ring" cost, but it was something I could be proud to wear in the "meantime".

For whatever it's worth, it was more important to me for us to be engaged after 4 years of dating and become husband and wife, no matter what the grade of diamond I was wearing on my ring finger, but....

We had an understanding that this is the "for now" ring until we can get the ring of my dreams in a few years. Neither of us are emotionally tied to the ring itself, but we are super-tied to the meaning of wearing one, if you get my drift.

Either way, do what will make you actually love the ring you're wearing. No one wants to be embarassed of a symbol that represents something that you should be most proud of, which is the love you share.

Again, just me and my $.02

[bikegirl]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Boo ha ha, yes you are a rare breed on this forum, I honestly do wish that more guys took the time to particapate and contribute, but thats a whole other topic just as an update, we did have somewhat of a very uncomfortable talk about this, yes I think he would be hurt now if I changed it, so I wont. That being said, my FH is truly the most caring / giving person in the world, but after our talk I did get the impression that he spent more effort on the football draft at the time then picking out the ring. I can see inclussions on the side quite easily, maybe its one of those things that once you see it, you always do, sigh, and he said he had no idea what that was. Kinda dissapointing because it made me feel like he had chosen a ring without much thought, I could be totally off base, it has been 6 months but to not remember what you went for just 6 months later is very dissapointing.

I'm sorry to say this, but I find this post a little sad. Just because he doesn't know what an inclusion is or what the 4 C's are, doesn't mean he didn't put effort into it. And heck, what would you qualify as 'effort'? Some people put a lot of research into things, others don't. I don't think that necessarily means he didn't care enough about this thing that is obviously important to you. He may just not have realized YOU cared so much about the specs of the ring. He may have thought you wanted karat over cut, or color, etc.

Did you tell him about your feelings? About feeling like he put less effort into it than some of the other things he is interested in? Perhaps he can explain.

I know you probably feel pretty disappointed right now but please think of how he must feel, too. He just spend a huge sum of money on a tiny little item not for himself and of purely decorative purpose (it can't drive you places, it can't ease your chores, etc!) and to then realize the person he gave it to isn't happy with it? I would be heartbroken.

Fair enough, some guys may not care at all. But don't think about what you don't have. It's not a game you can win, IMO.

Again, I don't mean to be rude so sorry if I come off as such.

[Sapphire723]

Okay, I agree with the people who say that you shouldn't go behind his back and do anything, because honesty and straight forwardness is key. Plus, I can just see that leading in to a "sitcom fight" somewhere down the road if he accidentally finds out.

However, I can also feel your frustration if you think he didn't really do his homework on it. Your ering is supposed to be a symbol of your love, so it's heartbreaking if you feel he blew it off. It may help you to ask him why he chose what he chose. I know that asking my FI about his selection process made me feel super special and loved.

We had been dating a few years and there were a couple times where I thought he was going to propose but he didn't. Was my girly intuition failing me? No. Apparently he WAS planning on proposing twice before the actual time, but he was having difficulty getting the ring he really wanted. He spent months researching the 4 Cs and decided that he wanted to get me something that was .75-1 Carat with no inclusions that were visible at 10x magnification. He had the jeweler bring in and send back THREE groups of stones before finding one he was happy with.

My interpretation of the situation was that he was procrastinating, but the reality was that it was time consuming for him to pick out the diamond he thought was THE ONE. I would think that your rock carries a similar story of why he chose that one for you out of love. And if he shares his story with you, you might come to love the stone you have, imperfections and all.

[mexbride83]

Did you end up deciding to stick with your ring? For good or just till an anniversary?

I have mixed feelings on this subject. Personally, I don't think it's the diamond that means something, but the ring. Therefore, trading up to bigger/better diamonds in the future doesn't change the meaning of the ring he gave you. My mother has the same ring that my father proposed to her with, it just now holds a much larger diamond in it. But it's still her engagement ring, the one in her wedding pics, etc. So I have nothing at all against upgrading.

However, while I say that, I also did tell my fiance that I never want an upgrade, because I want to have a diamond that I keep my whole life and pass on to our kids. Therefore, of course, I wanted it to be big:)

We talked a lot about ring shopping, and he knew what was important to me, then he did a TON of research on his own! He seriously became a diamond expert, the salesgirl has told me that she thinks he may know more than she does, haha. It means so much to me that he did all of that work, and I can't even imagine how upset I'd be if I found out that he didn't even NOTICE imperfections. When my FI gave me my ring, he was trying to show me it help up to different lights to show there was no florescence or to try to get me to find a flaw, etc. He was so proud of how well he'd chosen! And that is what I think the pride is that md2002 is talking about. If your fiance hasn't done that, I don't see why he would care if you paid for an upgrade yourself!

On a side note, my biggest request was color, and that was the one area my fiance compromised in. I said I wanted D or E and mine is a G (this compromise helped him to bump it up to a 2.15ct, so I'm not complaining!). But honestly, I had no idea until he told me, months later. When you're not looking at two diamonds side by side, you'd never know what color they are in that part of the scale. So sometimes those scales mean nothing, it's how they appear to the naked eye (which clearly is the part you are unhappy with!).

[jk1101]

Couple of things.
I had nothing to do with picking out my ring. before we got engaged my husband asked me a couple of times about rings and i said I liked Princess cut. He proposed to me with a beautiful ring. i have no idea what size it is, the quality of the stone, or how much he paid, and I prefer it that way. He bought me the best ring he could possibly afford, and I love it because he went and picked it out and proposed to me with nothing but love in his heart. I think he would be crushed if i said anything about changing any aspect of it, which i wouldn't do anyway.

But like Lady Trunck said, if it's something you can talk about, and can agree to do sometime in the future (or now) then go for it.

[hoyt75]

I think that if you're considering going behind the back of the person that you love, and the person that you're suppose to spend the rest of your life with, just to get a prettier diamond, then you are not headed down the right road for marriage. An ering, or wedding band, is not about how big and sparkly it is, it's about the commitement behind it.

You should be thankful that someone loves you enough to make such a commitement.

Maybe that ring is all that he could afford. Don't underestimate him and just assume that he didn't spend any time researching and trying to find the best one that he could.

IMO this all sounds very materialistic and unappreciative. Whatever you do, don't do anything behind your soon-to-be husbands back. Your marriage will never work if you start off that way.You two need to sit down together w/ the tv off, and communicate.

[Miss Lighting Bug]

Ana, is a wise soul.

[Miss Lighting Bug]

Houyt, too.

[Chill Bride]

I recommend you do some research into diamonds. Diamond Prices: Diamond Jewelry Facts, Diamond Tools and Consumer Reports Forum is a great place to learn and post this same question to the experts there. Just fyi...the clarity (SI1, VS, etc...) does not affect whether the diamond is sparkly. Cut is the most important thing in a diamond to me so yes I would trade up after researching what makes a great cut diamond.