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What to do- friend can't afford to come

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#21 ktchi

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  • 220 posts

    Posted 06 April 2010 - 12:12 PM

    Well it all worked out in the end. Thank you everyone for your suggestions and support. I offered to pay half and she decided to borrow some money from a family member so she will be there. I am excited. I can't thank you enough for the help. It made a hard decision much easier.

    #22 Sax Lady

    Sax Lady
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      Posted 06 April 2010 - 01:38 PM

      I'm glad it all worked out for you.

      #23 swankster77

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      • 233 posts

        Posted 06 April 2010 - 01:52 PM

        I'm glad you offered to help... I had a similar situation... my little sister is in college and I asked her to be my MOH. I knew there was NO way she'd be able to afford to go without going into major debt (who can ask that of someone?!) so I offered to pay her way. She was/is extremely grateful! But ironically she has since moved in with me and I charge her minimal rent but the rent is what goes to her trip cost. Things always have a strange way of working out!

        Just noticed we have the same wedding day!!!

        #24 Thomasjsgirl

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          Posted 11 April 2010 - 10:13 AM

          So glad it worked out for you!
          Lucy & Tom - Married 24.11.08
          Wedding Review - Dreams PC:
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          #25 nsbride2010

          • Sr. Member
          • 2,528 posts

            Posted 11 April 2010 - 10:22 AM

            I tend to agree with what some of the other ladies have said... if you can afford it, and truly want to do it, then do it! But it can't be an ongoing guilt trip of sorts, like roo66 said. It can't be an "I did thiis so the least she can do is..." situation. If you are prepared for her to perhaps refuse it, or give it to her with no strings or expectations attached, go for it.

            I have found myself in the position that my friend said she couldn't afford to go because she was moving back to our city (she lives far away) and I understood... until the other day when she emailed me to tell me she was "so excited" for two of our friends to fly out and they were going to Vancouver for 5 days! Really hurtful. So like someone else said (I think it was roo66 again) be ready for the fact that the friend just might make a big purchase or book a trip equal to the cost to go to your wedding... I never thought she would do this, and she has!!
            Enjoying marital bliss since July 1st, 2010

            #26 jhartford19

            • Jr. Member
            • 187 posts

              Posted 23 April 2010 - 07:09 PM

              What a tight situation! You need to do what is best for you. It is your wedding and if you want to pay for someone and not others than you can. People understand that many people are in financial binds right now, so I don't think anyone would be too upset!

              #27 jaynreneewed

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                Posted 23 April 2010 - 09:14 PM

                its your wedding do want you want. If it was my best friend and i really wanted her there i'd pay for her

                #28 dcjackie

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                • 20 posts

                  Posted 23 April 2010 - 11:20 PM

                  By choosing to have kids young and have a full-time job, your friend did not slight you and your wedding in the slightest. If you feel like you can do it, maybe help her finance her trip.

                  #29 futuremrswalls

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                  • 77 posts

                    Posted 26 April 2010 - 05:37 PM

                    Wow that's a rough one. But really, she's known for a long time that this was coming. You are under no obligation to pay for her. Sadly my best guy friend and my fiancees best guy friend are unable to afford it too. Yes it's sad for us, but that's part of a destination wedding.

                    #30 Fruitcrush

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                    • 41 posts

                      Posted 26 April 2010 - 11:03 PM

                      I think that sometimes, as brides, we loose sight of things during the planning process. While we want our friends and family to be there on our big day to celebrate (Which we chose to be a destination wedding) , I think that we forget that people have lives of their own, responsibilities and financial obligations out of our control. I think that people have the best intentions when saying that will be coming and sometimes I think they commit out of excitement and when they review finances, vacation time, etc... it doesn't work out as planned.

                      As for the friend having kids young, etc.. Who Cares?!

                      I'm curious as to why so many destination brides take it so personally if certain people are unable to attend?

                      I have experienced this as well, but hey. its my day with my soon to be husband and I am happy with whoever can make it! :)

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