Need Advice -Kids at "no kids" wedding

[Kristy!]

Why are so many people against having kids at weddings? I am SO not a kid person, but they add fun and entertainment to the mix and they won't bother you. Let them party it up with you!

 

I know that neither of my sister-in-laws would ever let a stranger in another country watch their children, and I wouldn't put them in that position. I say compromise on this one and let the kids stay. If the kids get tired, it's their parents' problem to deal with , not yours.

[MDLady]

That's definitely a tough one but what are your reasons for not having kids at the wedding? Are you worried that they will start crying or wrecking things??

 

I am having all of my FI and my nieces/nephews come (ranging age 1.5-9) and all six are part of our ceremony. They are SUPER excited that they are participating. Some of our parent friends are coming without their kids for those who want some party time. But I agree with others, I would have a really hard time asking any parent to leave their kid at the resort and come to the party. I think you might have to come up with a different plan.

[Betsy]

I don't think it is fair to expect people to come to your wedding in another country and then expect them to find a babysitter for their kids for the reception. Why don't you want kids there?! I would not be comfortable at all leaving my kids with some random person that I don't know, and honestly I probably wouldn't even attend if that was the case. Have you told the parents that you are feeling this way? I would probably compromise on this one also, it's not like kids automatically ruin weddings or something. In fact, in my experience, they usually make it more fun!!

[1elephant]

we had 2 kids at my wedding and they wound up going to bed 1/2 way through anyway. i put out coloring books and some toys for them and they kept themselves entertained while they were there.

i don't think it's fair to ask people to come for a family vacation and then get a stranger to watch the kids. lots of people here have had some good suggestions.

[Erika J]

I agree with every one else above about not feeling comfortable with "new to them" baby sitter in a foreign country.

 

I think the kids weed themselves out of the reception as Lauren mentioned. One adult goes back to the room with them and the other is left to "play" later into the night.

 

I am sure you just want everyone to have fun at your wedding but not at the cost of making someone uncomfortable. That is a decision that parents handle all the time when they have kids and have to decide who gets to have fun and who is the responsible one for the night.

 

I would let the kids come and not stress about it.

[LCBride2007]

maybe i am a bad mom, but i have strangers watch my kid! in fact, tomorrow someone i have never met (but was referred to us by a friend) is coming. and while we lived in london we signed up for a babysitting service and had 5-7 different people show up at our door. when you don't have family around, and require time away from your kid ... sometimes it's the only option!

 

then again, i'd never say "no kids" for my wedding - they are part of the fun! and since it wasn't MY kid, it's not my responsibility! but since you don't want kids there and your in-laws don't want a babysitter, i guess you have to decide what is more important to you. people have offered some good advice and compromise options - i hope something works!

[sweetluna]

Yeah, I think it becomes a conflict when you have a child in your wedding party but tell everyone else "no kids". Also, this isn't a local setting, you've asked your guests to join you in a foreign country, you can't expect them to be comfortable with strangers watching their kids, AND, don't forget the kids might not be agreeable with a stranger. The kids themselves are out of their routines, in a strange place, they will probably want to stick close to mom & dad. You might just have to accept the kids are part of the circle of family & friends who are travelling to support you on this special day.

[liljuicy]

We do not think that kids would make it any "less fun" or cause any problems. But, pretty much everyone we know has children so if we initially said ok to kids, this would probably triple the size of our wedding, so it is both a space issue and a cost issue. We are already having a big wedding for Cabo standards, 130, and so adding a lot more people by allowing all the kids to that would be too much and too expensive. That was our reason for making the "no kids" rule and most people are actually not bringing their children, its just a few that happen to be family, so in the end, i think they will just be included.

thank you for all of your opinions, i will let you know what happens!

[carolina24]

personally i think its very selfish of your FSIL to put you in this position. you said from the begining no kids, and that means NO kids.

I would stick to my guns...no you dont HAVE to let your future niece stay for the party. plus imagine how other parents would feel. you have to do all or nothing with kids. if you make the exception for your future niece, then youre gonna have to let other kids be there as well and that's not what you want for YOUR wedding

we are also having a flower girl...and that's it!!! most of the people coming to the wedding have kids and there have been discussions about this, especially with "older" children. but they all know how FI and I feel and they are respecting our decision.

[CourtneyV]

Hmm, tough situation. I understand both sides, but I think I agree with the majority here. I think it'd be different if it were a local wedding where a parent could find a babysitter, but given the fact that they are forking over thousands of dollars to attend your wedding and they can't even bring the kid to the wedding would bother me... especially since there will be a kid/your flower girl there for a portion of it. I might feel slighted if I made arrangements for my kid that I may not be 100% comfortable with only to find that you made an exception for someone else, KWIM?

 

Also, I don't think it's unfair that the FSIL asked you if she could bring her kid... obviously they'd want to attend since you're immediate family, but they may not feel comfortable leaving their kid with someone they don't trust. I wouldn't miss my brother's upcoming wedding for the world, but if he asked me to leave my kid with a stranger in a foreign country, I would probably feel like I was in an uncomfortable situation too.

 

If you did allow kids, could you offer them a buffet-style dinner option to cut costs? I don't know too much about adding kids to the guest list - we only had one kid attend, so obviously it didn't make a big difference to our guest list/budget! We just did a plate of chicken nuggets for him, I know it was cheaper, but I can't remember how much cheaper.